Attracted to a co-worker

[damn2008]

Hey all, just wanted to get some advice/opinions here...

I have a co-worker who I am attracted to. She is 28, I am 25. We've known each other about a year now and I have discovered we actually have a lot in common (sense of humor, likes/dislikes,etc.). We talk virtually every day at work.

We both broke up with our SOs earlier in the year...she maintained a friendship with her's, I did not with mine. I have asked her to hang out twice but was given excuses each time (1st time she said she wanted to see if anything between her ex- and her was "fixed"...I do not know the details of their break-up except that she initiated it, the second time was busy). She seems to have a tendency to be indecisive about what she wants as well...so who knows? I figure at this point if she wants to hang out, she would ask me so I'll leave it at that.

She has invited me to several volunteer activities, which I did attend with her...we had a good time at them, but nothing else occurred and I don't think it was the best setting to talk. I think I may have come on a little too strong and "obvious" in the beginning so she might be aware that I like her...yet even though we talk, she neglicts to ask me about anything myself...she is also a "tough girl" and isn't really open about herself that often. I think I also may have sealed myself in the "work friend zone".

I'm playing it more "scarce" now, trying to get her to come to me but I feel I am wasting my time. I think the age difference might be a slight factor and she sees me more as a "kid". I consider myself an attractive man and actually in the beginning it was her who was trying to find out who I was. She on the other hand is really hot, I'm talking she could walk up to any guy and get him on the spot...but she's very sweet, funny and unselfish (and she is not a partier & actually doesn't drink alcohol at all which is a big plus in my book) which is a rarity for the general "attitudes" of girls in my area.

I would prefer not to pull the "admit your feelings" card due to work and any awkwardness it may cause between us. Essentially, except for our almost every day convos...I am the initiator (I ask the questions, I direct the convos, etc.).

[Justsomeone22]

Do exactly how I have been playing the same situation. go out on some group dates with other co workers and people your both farmiliar with. It will give you a lot of oppurtunity to talk..maybe not 1 on 1 but talking and spending time together will work its way to 1 on 1 time. Use it as an excuse to maybe pick her up to go to the activity together or something. I am dealing with the same thing a few different circumstances but essentially the same thing. Very confused but beautiful woman that desires my attention for some reason and we've slowly been drawn closer to each other over the last month. We've worked together for 3 years now and this is the closest we've ever been. Supposedly I am going over there tomorrow afternoon to watch some movies with her...hopefully she doesn't change her mind like every other time. I hope I helped a little man and good luck!

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

Sorry....I just wanted to rant in your thread......why is everyone coming with stories with them and their co-workers?! Everybody's in love with their frikken co-workers!! It's makes me want to stay unemployed to avoid it.

[damn2008]

Sorry....I just wanted to rant in your thread......why is everyone coming with stories with them and their co-workers?! Everybody's in love with their frikken co-workers!! It's makes me want to stay unemployed to avoid it.

Hahaha...cause it is the #1 place that most people meet someone...these people become part of your lives cause you see them so often...more so than some family and friends!

Justsome, I appreciate the advice and I'm working on that...trouble is she is somewhat of a lone person. She is quite social, but at the same time isn't yanno? And with our office group, when we do have happy hours (which are tough considering the vast age ranges in our office)...she never comes out (even though she's invited)...she's part of the office but wants to remain "disconnected"...it's hard to explain but she does say she does not want to get involved with the "office drama" so that can be a possible reason.

She said her last boyfriend and her were friends for a while before they started dating...so maybe that's how it'll be. Shes been working in the office a little over a year now and just started a new position (within the same office) about a month ago. She's a little cautious about it right now for certain reasons (we've discussed them). However, I think she is also slowly settling into this new job and growing more comfortable in the office as this might be a steady gig for her.

I'm attending a volunteer thing tomorrow with a mutual friend that I think she MIGHT be attending...not sure. She didn't mention this one to me but our mutual friend had said he told her about it.

Good luck with your lady justsome...hope it works out.

[Sophia1979]

Hi Everyone,

Im in a relationship currently (although I dont see my partner much as he is studying and we dont live together). Ive found myself becoming increasingly attracted to someone I work with. Im juggling two important issues here - emotional cheating (as i havent done anything wrong..yet) and second the whole work-relationship possibility.

There's a lot you can read on the internet about what to do in these situations and more importantly what it means and why it happens (especially when you're alrteady in a relationship). Ive come across some really great posts and the majority of people say dont do it.

I have really been torn by this and it has kept me up nights. I've never looked at another guy while ive been with my partner..until now.

Here's my thoughts on these situations: For those who have considered a work relationship and are not attached, have you thought about the potential ramifications this could have if it doesnt work out? Think of the gossip at work, the embarrassment, the credability you may lose with your co-workers, your boss, and heaven forbid..the actual relationship doesnt work out in the long run..you have to deal with this person 5 days a week..

For those who are attached - why does this happen? Is it because sub-consciously you're trying to spice up you work life? Or, because there are deeper underlying issues in your present relationship? I think both. These are not always obvious to the person to whom the situation is happening but it does make you think, this happened easily enough, so there must be some instability somewhere.

The thing to remember I think is that these attractions are fun and the excitment associated with flirting (especially when you are getting (or think you are getting) a responce from the object of your attraction. You actually release hormones into your blood that can become addictive, you start to create these fanatasies in your mind about this person (and what they may be like - as a person or physically to be with) which could be quite a stretch from reality. If you continue these thoughts, you create a situation where you begin to fall for the idea of this person - and fast. My advice - think carefully and logically..and consider your work.

Cheers

[damn2008]

Hi Everyone,

Im in a relationship currently (although I dont see my partner much as he is studying and we dont live together). Ive found myself becoming increasingly attracted to someone I work with. Im juggling two important issues here - emotional cheating (as i havent done anything wrong..yet) and second the whole work-relationship possibility.

There's a lot you can read on the internet about what to do in these situations and more importantly what it means and why it happens (especially when you're alrteady in a relationship). Ive come across some really great posts and the majority of people say dont do it.

I have really been torn by this and it has kept me up nights. I've never looked at another guy while ive been with my partner..until now.

Here's my thoughts on these situations: For those who have considered a work relationship and are not attached, have you thought about the potential ramifications this could have if it doesnt work out? Think of the gossip at work, the embarrassment, the credability you may lose with your co-workers, your boss, and heaven forbid..the actual relationship doesnt work out in the long run..you have to deal with this person 5 days a week..

For those who are attached - why does this happen? Is it because sub-consciously you're trying to spice up you work life? Or, because there are deeper underlying issues in your present relationship? I think both. These are not always obvious to the person to whom the situation is happening but it does make you think, this happened easily enough, so there must be some instability somewhere.

The thing to remember I think is that these attractions are fun and the excitment associated with flirting (especially when you are getting (or think you are getting) a responce from the object of your attraction. You actually release hormones into your blood that can become addictive, you start to create these fanatasies in your mind about this person (and what they may be like - as a person or physically to be with) which could be quite a stretch from reality. If you continue these thoughts, you create a situation where you begin to fall for the idea of this person - and fast. My advice - think carefully and logically..and consider your work.

Cheers

You bring up some good points.

We are not "direct" co-workers...she works in an office across from mine (our offices do work in tandem with each other) and has a different boss and such.

We are both into jokes and I am thinking of getting her a Christmas present (just of smaller boxes wrapped within bigger boxes with a card at the end saying "Gotcha!" basically) as a big joke...I'm going on vacation soon anyways but this is something personal between us. Of course I'd give her a legit gift later on. Should I do it or am I just wasting my time and possibly digging deeper into the "friend zone"?

She has been more open with me as well recently and has asked my opinion on things. I think she is just taking it slow considering her ex- recently moved off for a new job....which leaves the door open for me but I don't want to jump if the attraction is not mutual.