I hurted him, personal issues + space!

[Lolo86]

Hi everyone,

I need some kind of insight or advice on this matter. I hurted my bf 5 weeks ago, cause I lied to him. Yeah, I ****ed up. It was a silly lie, but in the situation it just seemed easier to lie about it (still stupid and I regret so much!) Well, it caused alot of anger from him. He said he couldn't be with a liar, and then we discussed a bit and said he had to cool down and needs some space. Besides our disagreement, he is battling with a whole lot of personal issues. I am not so much into it, but he does see a therapist often. I just know he is very insecure and suffers from mood changes alot, and easily becomes angry. I don't want to assume, but there's definitely something wrong with him that has nothing to do with me. But I guess our disagreement kinda triggered him to shut down and hide himself from me. He was suddenly very upset with everyone, and nothing matters to him at the moment. He just want to be alone and deal with his problems alone! He said 4 weeks ago in a text that he'll call me when he feel less pain and anger. I respected his choice, cause I love him and said I am here for him anytime he is ready to talk about it, so we can solve it one way or the other. However, I haven't heard a sound from him for a month now. I've have been sending him messages now and then telling him I miss him, that I hope he feels better soon, that I am here for him anytime. Though I don't get any response. It hurts alot, and I am left confused and empty not knowing the next move. I really want to maintain some sort of relationship with him, cause I don't want to lose him. I feel he is really punishing me too for what I did. It's tough, but I am more worried about the outcome of it.
How much space is enough? I am trying to be patient, and I am willing to wait for him, since he is the one I wanna spend my life with. But won't ignoring the one you are suppose to love make someone start to drift away? Or maybe not, if the feelings are strong enough? I don't know. For me I know I cannot go on without knowing where exactly we are standing and how we can deal with it, cause the problems are still unsolved.
This is LDR, which also make things slightly more difficult. I guess he fearing commitment now that I hurted him. But what can I do to make him feel good about me again? Should I just leave him until he returns? Continue with my texts now and then, or something else?

I don't need to hear that I should move on. If I could just move on easily like that, I wouldn't be posting this. And no, he has not found another woman either. He just isolated himself from everyone and everything. Everything seems to be a disturbance in his life right now. He told me he doesn't give a f*ck about work, money and women at the moment. I really don't know what to think or do. Maybe someone has experienced the same? Or maybe knows why it has to take this long?

Thanks

[basilandthyme]

Hi Lolo, can you tell us what you lied about and the reason you lied? You see, we can't advise you without knowing the context to his reactions.

[Lolo86]

Sure! Sorry for that!

Well, he was here to see me last month, we had a good weekend together. The following week he became slightly distant. I asked him what was wrong and he told me he was just stressed and didn't feel like talking about it. I insisted, and he asked me if I communicate with my ex. I said no, not really. (apparently during his stay here, he'd been going through my phone without my knowledge and saw some innocent texts from my ex, sent a month earlier.) In the situation it just seemed easier to say no, since I didn't know he'd been looking through my phone. And so we shouldn't start a silly conflict. There was no hint of flirting or anything in the messages, and actually I had even forgotten about them! Anyway, it made everything worse. I felt so guilty and awful. I told him that I was sorry, of course and if we could sort it out. He said he would call me, but needed some time now.. And he was sorry if his silence was hurting me, but right now he couldn't handle himself and his issues and then his feelings for me. So that's pretty much it!

[michelle23]

It sounds like he has a lot of baggage. You cant fix him

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[Lolo86]

I don't wanna try to fix him. I want him to take his time and fix himself in the way he needs. I just wanna be with him, when he thinks, he can handle it. And I don't mind that he's got alot of baggage, doesn't make me love him less. What I am frustrated about is his way of keeping the silence for so long!

[michelle23]

You cant have a healthy relationship with a person who has all this baggage and issues. You havnt heard from him for 4weeks!! Thats insane and your still waiting by the phone. Your being a doormat. Time to forget him IMO but your not gonna do that. Are you?

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[michelle23]

Also hes a drama queen. He completely over reacted and refuses to talk about it. A relationship is nothing without communication.. hes a loser IMO and really not worth all this drama

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[BackUpOrGetStng]

Michelle's right. He's a bitch. If you can't move on, then shut the **** up and deal with it.

[pcmaster]

Guys seems insecure about himself. He could be fcked up in past and now taking everything too personal. Anyway keeping contact with ex and not telling true was not good thing too. Guy was emotionaly unhealty its kinda understandable why you lied. However as long as dude cant get on with his own life hes not a relationship material.

[michelle23]

Technically she didnt lie. It was so insignificant she forgot about it

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[RobertWQ]

Yeah assuming this characterization is accurate though.

Personally if a girl told me she didn't keep in touch with her ex and I found a bunch of texts, I'd be annoyed too (depending on what the texts actually said). I wouldn't handle it like this guy, but still.

[4 ratties]

How do u know that He is withdrawing from everyone and doesn't like someone else if u haven't talked to him in a month?