I don't want to be 'just friends' but she insists

[PRH1987]

So at the beginning of last year I started texting and hanging out with a girl from work, we mostly went out with other people but a few times it was just the two of us. A couple of times we spent the whole day together and at night went out with her sister and sisters boyfriend. Maybe it's just the way I am but I don't think thats the normal way to act with people you just want to be friends with, especially hanging out with other couples. Eventually I kissed her and she backed right off, she made excuses any time I wanted to see her and could hardly look me in the eye when we spoke. I know I should have just let go there and then but by this point I was more or less crazy for her. I believed her when she told me she was too stressed with University to get into anything and held out hope that when she had more time I'd get another chance. It also didn't help the 'getting over it' process when she text me every day (often before my alarm clock went off) for the next year.

A few weeks ago I was having coffee with a female friend and so didn't respond to her texts right away. When I told her why she got jealous, told me that she liked me but it was obvious to her that I didn't feel the same way. I told her how wrong she was and all about how I'd felt for the past year, she came back with 'whatever, I dont want to talk about this right now.

Another few weeks of talking every day but ignoring how I felt by until she started talking about another guy at work she likes. Now they're seeing each other and are about to 'go public' and she texts me to tell me everything. I've told her to give me some space and leave me alone for a while but she got upset and told me I was being unreasonable. She thinks I should just be able to stop feeling the way I do and go on acting the way I did before. She says she doesn't want to feel like she hurt me and everytime she talks to me she ends up in tears. So I can either pretend I'm fine or cut her off and let her make me feel guilty over it. Is there any other way?

[Boisdevie]

Find somebody else

[Gratedwasabi]

She's guilt-tripping you for attention. She doesn't like you, never will, you're just a way for her to feel better about herself by giving her attention.

[IncognitoSir]

She's guilt-tripping you for attention. She doesn't like you, never will, you're just a way for her to feel better about herself by giving her attention.

And she's being a real BITCH! Pushing you and pulling you, how childish. She doesn't sound like relationship material, she likes to play mind games. Cut her off and watch her squirm.

[drfyco]

maybe she in first time in love, it's just feeling that she try to impress. normally girl will tell her friend about her new 'guy' to her close friend. not to make u hurt, jealous or whatever, she just want to share.. be a normal try to stay away from her slowly for a while if u love. if u still close with her u will find hurt.. however, don't cut her off because she just a human being like us, have feeling too..don't screw up it...just relax and think what the best u can do... (^-^)

[bigdaddy863]

you want what you cant have move on bro

[PRH1987]

I realise nothings ever gonna happen and I'm trying to move on but she literally wont let me. I basically just told her to leave me alone a few times and she got upset and then a few days later carried on as though nothing ever hapenned. I feel like I need to get a new job, move home and change my number or else she's just gonna be there forever.

[PRH1987]

So I thought I'd post a quick update to this for no real reason than to vent a little bit.

She still keeps in touch... the other day we spent the whole day going back and forth about everything. She says that when she said she liked me she meant she did last year but came to think of me as just a friend. When she said it she used the present tense 'I like you' so I just feel like she's back-pedaling to avoid the truth (That she just wanted my attention?). She also says that she feels like I misled her into thinking that we were friends when I was only interested in having an intimate relationship with her, and that I should feel grateful that she still wants to be my friend. I told her how I felt more than once so I can't really accept that either.

So what is she trying to do now? Does she feel genuinely guilty but can't face up to it so is trying to pass her guilt onto me? Or is she trying to put me right back where I always was, as her personal 24 hour ego boost hotline? Whatever it is it feels like she's winning and theres nothing I can say to her.

[VincenzoG91]

Ask her for a blowjob.

[devonbrown]

I realise nothings ever gonna happen and I'm trying to move on but she literally wont let me. I basically just told her to leave me alone a few times and she got upset and then a few days later carried on as though nothing ever hapenned. I feel like I need to get a new job, move home and change my number or else she's just gonna be there forever.

Okay, here is what you do. In 8 simple steps:

1) Tell her you don't want to talk to her outside of work.
2) When she tries to talk to you, don't talk to her.
3) When she tries to text you, ignore it and do not text her back.
4) When she tries to call you, don't answer the phone.
5) Don't even listen to the voice mail messages, just erase them.
6) If she tries to email you, just delete it.
7) If she tries to talk to you at work about something other than work, tell her you are busy with work and then go do some work.
8) If she tries to talk to you at work about work, talk to her about work, and then return to doing work.

It takes two people to have a conversation. Two people to tango. Two people to play ping pong. However you want to phrase it, if you do not react to her, you won't have to worry about the interaction being bad.

Good luck.

[VincenzoG91]

Wait, what if she sends a singing telegram? Or has a message delivered by carrier pigeon? Or sends up smoke signals on the horizon? What then?

[HeartIsAching]

I realise nothings ever gonna happen and I'm trying to move on but she literally wont let me. I basically just told her to leave me alone a few times and she got upset and then a few days later carried on as though nothing ever hapenned. I feel like I need to get a new job, move home and change my number or else she's just gonna be there forever.

If you still work with her and she won't leave you alone, you have the basis for a sexual harassment complaint. Keep your texts and emails.

[devonbrown]

Wait, what if she sends a singing telegram? Or has a message delivered by carrier pigeon? Or sends up smoke signals on the horizon? What then?

Good points, Vincenzo. If she does those things, then he should just live in the doghouse in her back yard for all of eternity, I guess.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

and theres nothing I can say to her.

So, stop talking to her. Tell her not to contact you for any reason other than she wants to start dating, then you've been honest and up front and should feel no guilt. It's really that simple.


By the way, she can't make you feel guilty without your consent.

[ConniptionFit]

You know what an attention whore is? Well, that's her.