Cheating boyfriend... am I overreacting??

[georgie_b]

Ok, this is a long one, but I really need advice on what to do and how to handle this... please help me!!

I've been going out with this guy for about two months. It got very serious very quickly - after a week we had "the talk" and decided to be exclusive, after two weeks we were referring to each other as boyfriend/girlfriend, a few days after that he booked us a holiday for later this summer. He's hinted that he wants me to move in with him and I'm supposed to be meeting his parents this weekend. Basically, it's been a bit of a whirlwind, and we're crazy about each other.

He had mentioned that he was casually seeing another couple of girls when we met, but he told me he ended it with them straight after our first date, as he knew he wanted to be with me. One of these girls was a Canadian girl called Annie.

I've just moved a bag of my stuff into his, and he said I can store my things in the spare room. So this morning I've been unpacking while he's at work. I found an ancient, beat-up looking mobile on his floor (he has a lot of random crap lying around) and since it's not his phone, which he took with him, I didn't think twice about looking at it. I actually expected it to be out of battery, but it wasn't. The inbox was empty, but the sent box was FULL of messages to my boyfriend's number... "I miss you so much... last night was amazing... are we still on for dinner/the movies etc... is it still ok for me to move my stuff in..." lots of winking and kisses etc. Looking at the dates, he was with her when he wasn't with me, and when he was with me he told her he was out of town. He saw her at least seven times since we've been "exclusive". Next to the phone was a pile of empty looking packages, addressed to an Annie. Inside were receipts to mail order lingerie companies for a LOT of stockings - the boyfriend's fetish - and the billing address was a Canadian one.

The weirdest thing about all this is that his ex-girlfriend from almost a year ago was supposedly staying with him for the past two weeks - they bought the place together so legally she's allowed to be there till the paperwork's all signed etc - while she was waiting to move to her new place. So for two weeks he had a perfect excuse to keep me out of the flat. There were nights when he told me he was dividing up CDs & DVDs with his ex, when he was actually with this Canadian girl. It obviously looks like the Canadian girl has moved back home now, hence why her UK phone is here next to a pile of her discarded stuff.

I don't know how to deal with this. I'm crazy about him and never thought he would've hurt a fly before this, but I feel so foolish. I don't understand why he would do this - he could've just kept things casual with me until she was gone, why go out of the way to make me feel like I was so special, and make us exclusive, if you're then just going to lie and cheat? And why leave all that **** lying around in the room he told me was mine?

I know it wasn't HIS phone, but I still feel like an awful person for looking through his stuff. I would NEVER normally check through someone else's messages or emails, but as it was so old and battered and clearly not his, not to mention the fact that it was just lying on the floor, I didn't even consider there could be something private on there.

The other thing is that he broke up with his ex-girlfriend of six years because she cheated on him twice. He seemed so hurt by it and always says how he thinks infidelity is unacceptable - I honestly thought if there was one guy I could trust not to cheat on me, it was him. So now I'm starting to doubt the evidence I've seen with my own eyes...

What do I say to him? Should I confront him about it? If I do I know he'll turn it around and make me feel guilty for looking through his phone. Or should I pretend I never found it? She has left the country after all, so maybe now it'll be ok? Am I being a complete fool?!

[searock]

You are not over reacting. You need to talk to him. If he tries to make you feel guilty, it means he feels guilty himself.

[nocluewhattodo]

DUMP HIM he is a player, how much more proof do you need?

[SunsetRainbow]

Dump his sorry ass.
Confront him about it. If you take him back, he's likely to do it again.

[TheCafeTerrace]

agreed, dump the cunt.

Personally I'd have fun with it - Leave and don't talk to him at all... After two days (during which time he will presumably have brushed his teeth a few times) send him a text telling him to check the pictures on the incriminating phone. On this phone you will have taken pictures of yourself cleaning the toilet with his toothbrush.

[Wakeup]

You've known him two months. This is who he is. Lucky you found out now. If you stay, then you are giving him permission to do to you what he's done to you. It's that simple.