Am I overreacting to the things my boyfriend says about others?

[freddie732]

So, I have been with my boyfriend for about 18 months now. He is my first serious boyfriend.

Anyway, I have been having doubts for about a year now about whether to continue in the relationship. There have been a lot of little issues, but I guess that I have been putting up with my doubts for a while because I am not quite sure how things are supposed to work in a long-term relationship and what is normal and what isn't. One of the issues that I have been having is that my boyfriend has a tendency to say things that come off as insensitive, and as time goes on, it gets a little harder to overlook. However, I am wondering if I am just being hypersensitive. I just spent a few hours with him, and he said all of the following things:

Referring to a group of people he met during his vacation this past weekend, he said that he met a group of "failures," apparently because they work at Quizno's all day and smoke weed in their spare time. He used this word previously to refer to another friend of his who is in a rut, partly because he is gay but very religious and very closeted.

Then, he referred to his best friend's wife as an "idiot"; he has called her an idiot before, although he has also said that he loves her (as a friend because she makes his best friend happy). I grimaced at this, and he explained that she has a history of making bad decisions with money, and that apparently she and his best friend want to have a child without really considering the state of their finances. (I conceded that it isn't really too smart to plan a pregnancy without thinking about money, if everything can be planned out ahead of time.) He then added that, since he doesn't think that their finances are really at a point where they can support a child, but they seem gung-ho about having a child anyway (and have been actively trying for a few months now), he thinks that the best outcome might be that any pregnancy that she might have will fail, and that they will have more time to plan.

Finally, when talking about his best friend's parents, he was telling me about how they met, and he said that they both are artists with advanced degrees in art, "whatever that means." He has previously said in so many words that only graduate degrees in things like the sciences are worthwhile (he's studying chemistry, and I'm studying chemical engineering). I called him on this one too, and he said that he really loves them, and that they themselves say that they don't really use their degrees or that they weren't necessary, but...I don't know, it didn't sit right with me.

These aren't really isolated incidents. He says things like this every so often. I guess that maybe we all talk like that sometimes, though...

In short: Boyfriend says some things that bother me on a relatively regular basis, but are they truly things that I have a right to be bothered by, or am I just really thin-skinned?

[surfhb]

Yeah....they're red flags for sure.

To me it sounds immature....but he's just a kid in college which basically means he has no clue how the real world works

Talk to him about it. Call him on his bullshit and let us know what his response is

[TablesandChairs]

He's a negative know-it-all who, out of sheer immaturity, insecurity and stupidity, plays the 'let's criticise everyone!' game. This can get old, very quick. Whilst chemistry is certainly an important field, he hasn't exactly cured cancer so I'm not sure where his superiority complex is derived from.

This attitude can rub off, it envelops you in this pessimistic, critical cloud where you even start thinking along the same lines. Just be upfront - tell him 'Listen, you criticise everyone...where does it all come from?' and see if you can find a way to come to an agreement.

[Leialoha1975]

If his comments bother you now, they will bother you for as long as you have this relationship....

[lalalita]

He's not making the comments at you. I could see that bothering you, but not this.