Venting to stay sane. Still lost.

[robFord]

It's been a while since I've written here. 3 months since my ex (of 4 years) left the country and 8 months since we broke up. We've kept very minimal contact since she left, with her always initiating the conversation. I feel sorry for her that she's alone in a new country with no friends and alone. Recently I decided it was time to block her completely from IM. I've completely cut all communication with her but it's taking it's toll on me. I still think about her all the time, and I feel that meeting someone new is completely helpless as I don't want someone new, I just want her back (not really, I'm just sick of feeling like this and feeling lonely all the time).

Her birthday is a few weeks away and I've had the idea of sending her a package with some stuff from home that she can't get in the UK, but I don't know if it's a good idea or not. On one hand it's just a simple gesture of kindness as I still care for her and want to put a smile on her face. On the other I want to move on and get the idea out of my head that I should be putting a smile on her face.

Segue.

I have no confidence with girls anymore, I don't know what to say, don't know what to do, don't feel attractive in any way towards the opposite sex. Somewhere buried in my mind is the idea that she was the only one that would ever love me and be attracted to me. It's been over 10 months since I've had sex, I don't even know if I have the confidence to do it if the opportunity arose. The last time I was with a girl I couldn't even maintain an erection. You know how this goes, the longer it doesn't happen, the more you think it's not going to happen, a truly vicious cycle. FML.

[HeartIsAching]

I recommend not sending her a package, and further to cut off contact with her entirely.

I do know how brutally performance anxiety can affect you, and the cycle it creates. All I can say is - relax.

[tomtom8p]

You landed a great girl before. Clearly there is something appealing about you. There is no reason why you will not be able to find someone again.

I just ended a 6 month relationship and i know that doesn't compare to your 4 years but it is significant in that it was my first love and first heartbreak. Before this relationship i didn't know what it was like to be in a relationship. And now that it is over it is hard for me to imagine somebody else caring for me as much as she did. just like before the relationship I could never imagine somebody caring for me as she did, right now I am having trouble imagining another person caring for me. But that doesn't mean it won't happen, only that i don't know when it will happen.

My point is this, you can't predict the future, but more times than not people get into another relationship that is just as good, if not better than previous relationships. I know it's easier said than done but just try to relax and know that things will work out you just need to give it time.

Hope this helps.