Casual to Relationship??

[missflash]

Im New- Krystal- nice to meet u all!

Hoping for a bit of advice. I have know Wayne for over a year. We used to date about this time last year. We stoped because he told me he wanted to settle down and stop going out etc... I heard not not later he got a gf (which didnt work out).

We have very similar lifestyles now and have quite a bit in common.

I has started talking to him again about 8 months later and he was single again. I hadnt seen him in all this time. I invited him to my birthday 23rd pub crawl and we ended up hooking up and sleeping together that night. I thought it was a one night thing untill i heard from him the next week asking me out to a comedy show. I accepted and we went out had fun and went back to mine. We have been doing this since my birthday now. catching up about twice a week and either going to a comedy show or the movies, or i will cook at mine and he will stay the night.

We have never spoken about a relationship or being exclusive. I really like him and always have. I dont know to to bring up the subject of our relationship and what it is. He has recently added alot of my friends to facebook 2- which he didnt do when we were dating last time.

He can be very affectionate at himes and not at others..hot and cold maybe... Some times i will get messages and phone calls in a row from him and other times i wont hear from him for a couple of days and it is driving me a tiny bit crazy not knowing what he thinks.

I guess im also worried to bring it up, worried that he wont feel the same i guess, but i know i need to know.

Do u have any advice on how he might feel about me? Or how to bring up the subject of how i feel? I do NOT want to rush into a bf/gf relationship by any means but i do want to know if he has feeling for me.

I just added below a conversation i just had with him on fb to see if that gives u guys any insight!

Thanks for any help insight- i know i do over think things wayyyyy to much- but i have to deal with this and just after some advice!!!

convo:

Today
Him:
whats crackin?
u dont talk to me anymore..

[You]
Im just drinkin with gfs bout to go to bed!
talk to me! lol I got back tues!

Him:
lol! ahh ok

[You]
2:45am
i called u over there to say happy new years and y didnt call me back shithead! happy new yearrr

Him:
2:45am
sowwwy
HaPPPPy new yEar!!

[You]
2:46am
well in ur defence it WAS 5am but still!
miss me? busy 2morro?

Him:
2:46am
yeah in my defence.. what asshole calls me at 5am!? lol jokes
nah not busy
gotta do a bit more of my assignment for that course but no other plans..

[You]
2:49am
why r u up so late? no work?

Him:
2:50am
yeah i got to do a bit of work, pretty easy day for me tomoro.. so havin a few drinks and watchin movies atm..

[You]
2:51am
We r watching futurama- i have till Sunday off !

Him:
2:52am
nice one i just watched 'Blow' now i'm watchin 'Crash'

[You]
2:52am
beach 2morro if its hot! Blow is a mad movie
i think its meant to b over 30 2morro! fingers crossed!
2 secs smoke!

Him:
2:57am
kk

[You]
3:05am
back

Him:
3:05am
HerrrroW1
derka, derka

[You]
3:05am
muhammod gehad!

Him:
3:05am
lol

[You]
3:05am
so how was the weekend in adelaide?

Him:
3:06am
yeah pretty awesome i hear it was heaps better than sydney
haha.. nah it was good though

[You]
3:07am
sooooo much!

Him:
3:07am
those vids from peaches lookd pretty sick
bit fukn weird but cool!!

[You]
3:07am
haha omg aboloutly crazy! i have better ones i will show u that wouldnt upload
the big mauri bouncers were like wtfffff

Him:
3:08am
haha yeah i bet... was a bit different!!

[You]
3:09am
just a tad!
who was ur fav at summerdaze

Him:
3:09am
ummm.. prob guetta.
thats the only 1 i remember
saw others but dont know who i was watching lol
parrrrooooo

[You]
3:10am
so did u 'just drink' then babes??!!

Him:
3:11am
i did actually.

[You]
3:11am
haha actual totes proud lol
u proved me wrong!

Him:
3:11am
i went there by myself hey. all my mates pulled out!! soft
i did

[You]
3:11am
well i will def be taking a leaf out of ur book for the next while!! haha

Him:
3:12am
but i ran into soooo many ppl i knew, was awesome..
saw some of your mates there too..
jess and ...... cant remember the rest of there names.. thats that awesome memory of mine lol

[You]
3:15am
kira just stacked it in the hallway!
haha paro]

Him:
3:15am
nooiiiice!!

[You]
3:15am
haha fluff?

Him:
3:16am
fluff?

[You]
3:16am
they all went to hq for NYE said it was pretty good!

Him:
3:16am
you're friend?

[You]
3:16am
yea

Him:
3:16am
yeah jess noodle box!
and few others.
oh and then i was with ryan and tegan.. and then i got distracted

[You]
3:18am
ah good one

Him:
3:18am
i had an awesome day..
yay
i gotta sle33p..
f33l syck

[You]
3:20am
whatt?
o u feel sick? ur typing like a 14 year old girl
haha

Him:
3:20am
sorry just bit pissed being a dick
ju dnt lyk it wen i talk lyk diz?

[You]
3:21am
haha ur a comedian
yea i should hit the sack soon 2 aswell!

Him:
3:21am
thank u. i know

[You]
3:21am
sooo much wayne

Him:
3:22am
i'm pretty bad actually, oh unless i'm really pissed. but then sometimes i can go to far and just be really annoying!
goodnight! Xx

[You]
3:23am
hahah o i nevvverrrrrr do that! goodnight babe- did u want to make plans with my lovely arse 2morro night?

Him:
3:23am
yeah cool

[You]
3:24am
cool cool

Him:
3:24am
txt me tomoro babe

[You]
3:24am
just give me a call when u finished ya stuff ok

Him:
3:24am
k will do

[You]
3:24am
i am thinking beach in the day time if its nice! hopefully!
weather was average in sydney! apart from NYE
night
x

Him:
3:25am
nice hav fun
x
Wayne is offline.

[devonbrown]

I am never one to suggest having one of the "big talks," but if you feel like you need it, then the best way to go about it is simply come right out and ask him how he would define the two of you. You can explain that it has been on your mind and you just wanted to know what his feelings were on the subject and that you couldn't come up with a good way to ask. That might lessen some of the shock and awe in the question.
But be ready for any and all possible responses he might give. If you are not ready to listen, you are not ready to talk.

Good luck.

[RockNRoll]

I didn't read you chat log, but your history doesn't sound that promising to be honest, because he "settled down" with someone else last year, when he had chance with you. But since you are already in some kind of relationship, you can give it a try.

Based on what you said, you definitely need to talk with him.

He seems to be up front about relationship's status. If you like him, you really need to know his ideas about your relationship, because you don't want to live in a dream world.
Encourage him to be honest with you and don't be afraid of any answer. If he does see it as a relationship - that's what you want, so it's great. If he doesnt' feel the same way - it's better to find it out sooner, than later.
Think of the best way to bring it up, and go ahead! Everything is for the best.

[missflash]

Thanks for the advice so far guys- appriciated..

Its just that when we do spend time together he will come over and we will eat and spend lots of time together that night- and if he has the next day off, he will spend half of the next day with me and cook us breakfast/lunch- watch tv together, talk and relax more...

I have had other casual relationships before and we just didnt spend that kind of time together which is probally confusing me- but then it also does when i dont hear from him for a few days.

..Very true about having to be ready to listen to be ready to talk! I just feel i have to for my own sanity and also if he mayb thinks im just interested in a casual relationship and thats it, as i have nether brought it up either

[missflash]

He wil also do small nice things for me for example- when we had gone out to town with a group of my friends, my car was parked about a km away at the the bus stops- he walked down and got it and went to the supermarket to get us bread and salad and make lunch... which i wouldnt expect someone to do, but then again mayb he is just a nice guy lol

[Boisdevie]

I don't have the time to read all your text messages. Can you get to the point please?

[missflash]

I don't have the time to read all your text messages. Can you get to the point please?

sorry... the 'point' was up the top... i only included a conversation that i just had with the man to see if it gave anyone willing to give me advice in an advice forum any insight...

[missflash]

but wayne is coming over within the hour to watch a movie with me a have a few drinks... still not sure how to bring it up? watching a movie? in bed? after ....????

[RockNRoll]

I would say bring it up before you do anything else, have a bit of usual chat and then say that you've been thinking about the two of you...
Or have you already had the talk? How did it go?

[missflash]

I would say bring it up before you do anything else, have a bit of usual chat and then say that you've been thinking about the two of you...
Or have you already had the talk? How did it go?

Yea not good...

Did it after we went to bed i said "Can i ask u some thing?" He looked at me- "Are u sleeping with anyone else?" he replied "Not recently."

I said "Ok because i just want u to know that i like u, more than i have liked any1 in a while, no pressure, but i just wanted u 2 know."

he replied "Im so drunk" and went to sleep kind of cuddling me.

He just left, I said to him "Your not going to be weird not because i what i said. I told u i liked u and u said Im so drunk- do u have anything u want to say to me?"

he said "I dont know." He kissed and hugged me and left.

He said he was gonna help me move my recyclable bottles to the depot this weekend, but i dont think or know if i should even txt him after that convo.

Im short im a lil bit heartbreoken atm...I just wish i didnt start seeing him again i really do

[RockNRoll]

I am sure you had some good times with him, so even if seeing him again wasn't the best idea, there is no point to regret it now. Remember the best and learn from experience.

It doesn't sound like a good talk, but he got the hint anyway, so he is the one who has something to think about and this is not your problem anymore! And it's good that you brought it up now!
Although don't wait for his reply, keep yourself busy. He might be honest now, so whatever it is, it will be for the best in the long run

[missflash]

Thanks for your help. now im just kind of sad becasuse i dont know when/ if i will hear from him....

do u think if in a couple of days from now if i hadnt herd from him i should txt him something like

"just a quick 1 cuz i hadnt herd from u in a couple days after i mentioned that i was starting to fancy u a bit..Your a sweetheart & I def enjoy spending time with u at home and out but best we stop sleeping together(devo lol). Im def not looking to jump into n e thing serious, but if u dont feel similar then prob not for the best..

Must say that after everything thought u actually could of had a chat with me... "

or wait longer or less? ah hate it how he makes me feel like a 15 year old girl always thinking about it! Im a 23 year old woman!

[RockNRoll]

I don't think that you should send such text, because it's a bit misleading. It sounds apologetic, but there is no need for that. It's also confusing that you don't want to jump into anything serious. I thought you wanted something just a bit more serious and committed than it is at the moment.

There is no need for you to say anything now (unless you really need help with those recycable bottles). It is all up to him. His best answer so far was "I am so drunk".
Don't be hard on yourself.

[missflash]

I don't think that you should send such text, because it's a bit misleading. It sounds apologetic, but there is no need for that. It's also confusing that you don't want to jump into anything serious. I thought you wanted something just a bit more serious and committed than it is at the moment.

There is no need for you to say anything now (unless you really need help with those recycable bottles). It is all up to him. His best answer so far was "I am so drunk".
Don't be hard on yourself.

Thanks man- yea your right it does sound confused and apologetic. I was just meaning i dont want him to be my bf bang right away but i want to know that he has feelings for me i guess...

Well he knew i was out at Reds (a nightclub) last night and i missed a call from him about 45 minutes of being there and had a message asking if i was there, and if the entry was free after 12- I said no babe its not free. He messaged back just saying he wasnt going out and if he did he would b temped to smoke (quiting).

And that was it. So nothing really but guess a little bit....

And i wont send him anything like the message i was going to write

[missflash]

Still no txts/calls.... Its sunday now,'convo' was thurs night and the msg bout going out was friday..

Should i msg him anything or not? o my....