what does my ex-boyfriend want?

[olive]

Okay so here the situation. My boyfriend of a year and I broke up a month ago. I still love him and regret ending it, but he was the one who made the decision. I didn’t fight him on it because I knew it wouldn’t help, but I felt a degree of betrayal that he gave up on me.

Over the next days he would keep texting me to ask how I was doing. He said it was hard for him too but we would get through it and said “if you ever need me I’ll always be here for you.” Which I didn’t believe at the time, since he left me. He said he still had feeling for me, but he didn’t think we should date. I told him that as long as we both had feelings for eachother I didn’t want to be “just friends”…I wasn’t ready.

But he kept texting me, and then he told me I was being childish for letting a break up ruin our friendship. Finally I lost it, I told him to leave me alone and stop trying to be my friend (in much stronger language). I felt bad for chewing him out the next day, but before I could apologize, he sent me a message saying “I’m sorry for last night. You had every right to say those things.” And that night he sent me a goodnight text. (Is it normal to send your ex goodnight texts…?)

And today he asked me out to lunch. I was SO happy, but when I asked why he said “I just wanna talk” and I said, “what about?” and he said, “Well, I don’t have an agenda to discuss, but it can’t hurt. I’m not saying we’re getting back together.” I said, “I’m glad you asked me and I would love to see you, but I guess I don’t understand where this is going.” He said, “I don’t either, but I just want to see you.”

So I’m confused now. He insists he doesn’t want to get back together now (he does say it’s a possibility someday…) but he texts me and calls me all the time (even after I acted like a total jerk, which I regret)…he sends me goodnight texts…and he asks me to lunch?

Do any of you guys have a clue what’s going through his hear?

[VincenzoG91]

I don't normally recommend trying to get back together with an ex. But it sounds like he regrets breaking up with you. I bet if you went no-contact on him, he would beg to get back together with you. Whether or not that's a good idea depends on why you two broke up.

[ginastar]

vincenzo, why do u usually not recommend getting back with an ex? just curious

[olive]

thanks...i think i'll take him up on the lunch offer and see how things go

[Agape]

So he initiated the break up . . . and he just wants to be friend and act like nothing really happened?

I'd say tell him to back off and give you some space . . . a month after a year isn't very much time

[VincenzoG91]

vincenzo, why do u usually not recommend getting back with an ex? just curious

Because breaking up is a big deal, and usually there is at least one really good reason for the breakup, if not several. Getting back together might seem like a pleasant idea, but if the underlying problems are not resolved, it's a painful waste of time. And the kinds of problems that lead to breakups are generally related to inherent character traits or at least very persistent behavior patterns. Those can change, but not easily, and not quickly. I would be more inclined to get back together with someone I broke up with years ago than somebody I broke up with a few months ago.