what to do after one person moves out and still together?

[lostnwonderland]

I have been dating my fiance for a little over a year. In the beggining he wanted to see me everyday to the point of proposing and having us move in together for the past 7 months. Things got tight with money and we moved into a room at my parents a few weeks back, we had a small fight and he packed his stuff and left. He told me that time together "feels less special" and he just goes to work and see's me all the time. I don't understand why he couldn't communicate sooner? And since he left last week i've seen him for maybe 4 hours total..I am going through a lot of heartbreak and confusion because it seemed like he cared more at first and I didn't, now it's the opposite..Is this is a way of breaking up or is there hope after something so sudden and strange?

We have had problems, I do not like his pot smoking addiction( he cannot sit one night not smoking), and the sex has been really bad for about 4 or 5 months(not lasting long at all). I have stuck it out and would never of done anything this rash, I love him undconditionally and we did EVERYTHING together so I can see needing space, but why not speak up sooner and stay until he found a place to go? He's just crashing on our old neighbors couch..Won't even text me a lot and says it's hard for him too but he wants to stay together. Nobody is perfect, but i constantly told him to tell me things that bother him since it was a new situation for us both.

If it didn't work the first time it never will? This isn't the relationship I desire, he felt trapped now I feel trapped into something I don't want this way either.. I am 24 he is 27.

[smackie9]

The honeymoon stage is over and he wants out. In the beginning of a new relationship everything is exciting and new. You can`t possibly be apart, talk of marriage, naming your kids, plans of the future, pets names, etc. But it wears off, and things fall off the map. The novelty of your relationship has fallen flat,and he is realizing there are too many things that are not right and he is pretty much done. Don`t force someone that doesn`t want to be with you anymore. Even tho you love them, you cant keep a relationship on love alone...sorry the reality has to be realized.

[Boisdevie]

Excellent relationship you have there.
1. Moving in together after 5 months - WAY too fast.
2. Your sex life is shite.
3. You had to live in a room at your parents house yet you were thinking about marriage - CRAZY.
4. You are 23, he is 27. Sounds like you are not even adults yet.

Dump the idiot.

[lahnnabell]

Common case of too much, too fast. You gotta know when to put on the breaks or you'll just keep getting into relationships and running out of steam when things get a little rough. Something like your dislike of his dependence on pot could've been avoided if you'd simply given yourself enough time to get to know him properly.

Get out as soon as you can.

[devonbrown]

I agree that it might be a little bit of too much too fast. But also, there seems to be a number of issues that aren't working for the two of you. I think it may be time to re-examine the relationship as a whole.

Plus, think about this - if his reaction to things getting a bit too "heavy" for him is to up and bail, he may not exactly be the marriage material you are looking for.

Good luck.

[lostnwonderland]

Thank you everyone for your replies. I believe he made promises he now realizes he cannot keep and is going back on it myself. Things were beautiful until they went bad. If he can't even talk to my parents to say he was even moving out and how to split the storage bills and what not.. I guess I really should just let it go. He has already had one divorce and a child he regrets. A red flag I was just a temporary replacement for that lifestyle seeing as though I was told not to get a job and to take care of our old apt. cook clean etc..It just really makes my stomach sick that someone cannot even communicate. I'm not trying to force him, but he's forcing me to be in limbo and wait for him to want to see me. It isn't fair.

I start my new job tommorow and am excited to have my own money...How funny it was that just last sunday before he left he was super stoked so we could get our own place again... i miss him terribly though.

[bulrush]

I think you might try making my 2 lists.
A. Make a list of things the other person MUST have in a relationship.
B. Make a list of things that the other person MUST NOT have.

A. The other person must have
- Good communication, including communication about each other's feelings.
- Stable job.
- Ability to think through and solve problems, which means compromise.
- Postive attitude.
- They want kids.
(Use your own entries.)

B. The other person must NOT have
- No substance addiction.
- No abuse, verbal or otherwise.
(Use your own entries.)

If they have everything in list A, and nothing in list B, you are a good match. Any other combination is not a good match. Simple, right?