Need to sort out how i think... any advice?

[bt91]

Hi

Im going to sound like a complete idiot and maybe selfish or what ever you would like to call it but hey thats why i am here asking for help so thanks to anyone who can give some good advice.

I am 19 yrs old and i have been in 3 different serious relationships over recent years. I know i am quite young and people might say i am to young, enjoy your self and dont be tied down etc but i like having someone about its a nice feeling... the problem is mostly trust issues the first serious girlfriend i was with kissed a couple guys possibly more i dont know but i forgave her but it turned me into a cheat to because of a couple reasons 1. because i guess she did so i done it (stupid reason i know) but the second reason that seems to be affected all my other relationships is that i think i am always getting cheated on now so i flirt and see other girls just incase i am getting cheated on and il have someone there if i have been cheated on to go to straight away if (that makes sense). The second relationship was the main reason for this as the girl turned out to be a complete slut (excuse my language) and now i've been with someone for 7 months but paranoia is really getting the better of me but i am always flirting and have kissed a couple of other girls and always talking to other girls because i am worried to find out ive been cheated on and then il have someone to run to and start all over again. The thing is i know the girl i am with now is such a good girl and wouldn't ever do such a thing, no one has anything bad to say about her and she played it all right with us first getting together, waiting properly before having a sexual relationship, getting to know each other more etc she just done it all so right and i dont want to mess it up because i am so paranoid. She just went on a clubbing holiday with her girls and i am just so nervous so ive been talking to other girls and if i want could go meet them and who knows what happens, just hate this feeling and hate what i do and need some advice on how to sort it because i really want to focus on this relationship as it could be so good!.... sorry if it doesn't make much sense hard to put it into words, thanks to anyone who gives some help.

[MerryH]

i've been with someone for 7 months but paranoia is really getting the better of me but i am always flirting and have kissed a couple of other girls and always talking to other girls

This isn't just paranoia, you're actually acting on it. That makes you a shitty boyfriend. Own it. Almost your entire post was making excuses and blaming others for your bad behavior. No. It's your fault, not any of your exes. Fix it. Stop kissing/flirting with other girls. If you can't do that, then you're not ready for a healthy relationship. Be single for a while.