Why does she ignore me?

[Nw509scm]

So me and my gf have been together almost 5 years. We where recently separated for about 4 months. We have been trying to work things out and i thought it was going well but out of nowhere she just stopped texting me back. She refuses to call me she wont answer my calls she always has a new excuse everyday. She tells me she loves me and that she wants to be with me. But at the same time i dont feel like she really puts any effort into fixing our relationship our number one problem is communication she knows this and still refuses to communicate. Im hurt and really confused. Any ideas on what i should do should i just end it? I love this girl to death and i would do anything for her.

[GLYC]

When they quit putting in effort, and quit communicating there's nothing you can do. You can't be with somebody that doesn't want to put in the effort.

If its been going on extensively and you have already brought it up. I say, **** it. "Look, I want to give things a shot and just see where things will go. But it doesn't sound like we're on the same page. My life is a drama free zone, and with that being said, I can't deal with somebody that stonewalls me and refuses to communicate. Let me know if you think that changes" aaaaaand walk. Let her contact you.

Also, this only works if you stand by your words. You can't say this, and then start blowing up her phone and calling her again.

Course it depends how you have shown up in the relationship. Maybe you did something to turn her off.
We are only seeing a glimpse of something.

[CantMoveOn]

All I think about when one claims love and acts another way, choose the way they act to tell you which is true. Words are always easy to say, difficult to back up if you don't feel the way you claim you do. If she loved you, she would bend over backwards to spend anytime with you. I used to wake up at 4:30 am to talk to my ex when living apart before and after living together. This is almost every morning, after going bed at 12 am most nights and would always be late going to work or school but I chose him to come first because to me my time with him was precious and mattered and I backed up my words of love with real actions. If someone doesn't, do they really love you? Yes, you love her, you would do anything for her but at what point do you realize for the final time she doesn't think that same way about you and when will that make you say goodbye?

[GLYC]

[MENTION=85495]CantMoveOn[/MENTION] good post. And in the end, you want someone who is willing to jump fences just to be with you, not somebody who is hesitating. The ultimate goal really is that your partner becomes your best teammate and cheerleader for life. Someone who is building you up and helping you become the best person you can be.

As people, sometimes we tend to look at things as being better than they really are to avoid pain and to cling onto hope. We look at things from the past, such as what she was doing and saying while she WAS in love and try to apply them to today or think they mean that they will never leave us for good "We have all these good memories together, she said she wanted to be with me forever, etc." However, those things only apply in that moment. We have to look at what they're doing in the present because that's all that really matters. Ignoring your calls and texts is where you need to walk away, there's literally nothing else you can do. Pleading and trying to change her mind won't work, that will only reconfirm that she shouldn't be with you. I've never heard a single story of a man who pleaded and actually got her back long term.

[Snow White]

Actions speak louder than words! You have received wonderful advice. It sounds like she is an insensitive coward. Sorry. Five years and she won't return your phone calls? No explanation for her change of heart? Sounds like a guilty conscience to me. Do yourself a favor and get out! Have respect for yourself. Always ask, would you treat someone you had loved like that?

[TheEvilJester]

On the site we only get to see one side of the story. So, my advice MAY have been that you two should talk it out. That there are probably things she has done that put you two in this state.... but that there could also be things that maybe you have done where you need to improve.

....The thing is, she isn't even giving you the chance to talk. So, whether or not the blame is shared or 100% with one or the other..... it is a moot point because you can't work to get over it if one of the people in the relationship refuses to talk about it. I agree with the others that it sounds extremely immature and insensitive of her to tell you she loves you and wants to make it work.... but then refuse to actually put in the work.

I know, right now, you feel like you love her and don't want to lose her.... but the thing is you also have to consider the possibility that maybe what you really love is who you THOUGHT she was. Maybe she never really was who and what you thought. You may be clinging to somebody who doesn't even deserve you.

And, honestly, if she's reached a point where she just doesn't think she can get past whatever separated you two in the first place, that is perfectly fine. She's allowed to decide that if that is the case. ....But what is absolutely NOT okay is to leave you in limbo wondering. So, as I see it, one of three things needs to happen. 1) If she wants to try to make it work.... then she needs to actually TRY TO MAKE IT WORK. 2) If she's just done with the relationship, then she needs to let you know that so you can move on too. OR 3) If she refuses to do either, you should care enough about yourself to realize you deserve better than that and to move on.

I don't mean to sound careless or harsh in any way. Believe me, I understand how you feel. Five years is a long relationship. It would be a shame to lose that. But, IF you two are just not right for each other, it would be MUCH more of a shame to prolong it even further. You feel deeply for this gal.... so if I could honestly make a wish for you, it would be that you two would be able to work through this and be good as new. .....But, IF that can't happen, then I sincerely hope you at least care enough about yourself to move on.

If it doesn't work out with her, then that doesn't mean you've lost your one and only chance at true love. There WILL be somebody out there you love just as much as you once did her. Maybe even MORE because this new gal actually WILL be everything you thought you had with your current girlfriend, whereas maybe your current girlfriend seemed to be and is not.

Either way, good luck to you. I wish the best for you, whatever that may turn out to be in the end.