HUGE Reconnection Problem

[rm2dance]

The Problem: How do you reconnect with a person who's been through a divorce with someone else, and is just about finishing up their legal paperwork, and who you had dearly hurt via a single light-hearted, playful remark that caused an avalanche due to miscommunication/misinterpretation and the fact that we don't understand each others differences well, and they don't feel like talking to you about it for whatever reason? With this lack of communication, what exactly can you do to show them that you care, and reconnect, and communicate again? Starting up communication is key, but how do you if they won't? I'm able to leave voicemails. Other methods like stopping by or leaving letters aren't appropriate, which seems to be the case.

Facts about the person
-I'm pretty sure forgiveness is not there yet, and won't happen anytime soon, and I don't think being apologetic some more will help the situation at all
-Seems to be over the divorce but left emotionally scarred (you couldn't tell at first, until that one night............); doesn't seem to take any responsibility, maybe it was entirely the ex's fault (I don't know, the ex had begged to get back together)
-Extremely stubborn, and can be extremely cold, and also extremely sweet
-Doesn't seem to do well at appreciating differences, and possibly sweet gestures and actions

Main cause of the problem the person said seems to be 1) me not listening, and 2) us not getting along (us not "meshing," not "clicking," "personality clash".) I've no idea what these three phrases mean, and this is part of our differences. Sometimes, the person isn't direct in communicating (would've been easier). I'm suppose to read the person... it's suppose to be "common sense".... "I have to ask you for you to know".. "I shouldn't have to said it..." I started to listen more, but now there's a break in communication. Most times though, the person is direct, and I just didn't listen. "I'm watching a movie. I can't focus if you're asking me questions." "I was reading a book. You interpreted me 5 times!" Some people can multitask. Some people talk during movies. I just thought the person was trying to avoid a conversation, and I should be persistent/assertive. I never knew persistence could be such a bad thing. I didn't know. I guess I should; after all, it's "common sense"....

We are early 20s. The goal is to Reconnect.

Why there's hope? Because the person could've told me no voicemail, or blocked my number, or asked me (or tell me which seems to be more the person's communication style) to delete their number, and I would delete it, because I want to show that I listen, and would do what the person wanted (did show this in the past, but doesn't seem to be effective enough; seems to just be ignored..). I've already showed my sincerity, affection, and trust for the person, but maybe I'm not showing enough? What can I do? I don't even know if showing that I listen by deleting the person number or whatever would change anything. Hugely challenging person. Very, very stubborn and rigid in my view (not willing to take into account, or to ignore almost completely, new information, and new understanding to form a new view, and change a previous judgment, decision, or belief), and in the other person's view, probably headstrong, tough, or resolute, or another more or less positive adjective. "Explanations" don't seem to be effective. They're call "excuses" in the other person's view. On our last "talk," which was far from a real conversation (it was pretty much me listening), the person said, "I don't hate you," which is a good sign. I have the opinion that the person is scare of a new relationship, of getting close, that it won't work out, based on their current beliefs, and possibly past experiences?

Other (probably irrelevant) facts about the person:
Religious beliefs, "agnostic"
Political beliefs, "in the middle"

Spring break has ended, and the person had went to visit their family, and I'm going to leave a voicemail soon. I just don't know what's the best approach to Reconnect in this type of scenario.

"[Person's name], would ten thousand flowers do it? Even for that, I don't know. Ten Thousands Flowers." (I think I'm going to leave this part as part of the voicemail.) I hope the person doesn't google "Ten Thousands Flowers" - since I've no idea how this post would be interpreted.

The Solution: ???



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[Gigabitch]

The solution is patience. Divorce makes people nuts (voice of experience here). Leave this person alone for a year. No, I'm not kidding. A whole year. There is plenty of time to reconnect after the dust has settled. Right now, there's a great big shit storm surrounding this person and they have enough to deal with.

[cmacattack1]

Why are you leaving her voicemails with these weirdo messages on them? Just curious to see what you are trying to accomplish here.

It looks like you are trying very hard to prove things to her and it looks like it's taking a serious toll on your mental health. Let her be right now for both of your sakes.

[rm2dance]

"Why are you leaving her voicemails with these weirdo messages on them?"

This is coming from a "Love Advice forum..." wow, that's weird..

Anyone here who has something constructive to advise?

[rm2dance]

"Right now, there's a great big shit storm surrounding this person and they have enough to deal with."

That makes sense.. too bad I couldn't recognize it. You really can't tell though..

"Leave this person alone for a year. No, I'm not kidding. A whole year."

That's too long though.. everything would've changed by then.. (I can't even call the person once a month at least? just to said hi?)