Strong Feelings for a Taken Girl...Advice?

[azewl3]

Let me preface by saying that this is my first post and it's great how helpful and honest you guys can be from the posts I've read till now. So here's my dilemma.

I'm 22 and single. Had a girlfriend of a year from the end of high school to the end of freshman year of college...she broke up with me and I was heartbroken for a very, very long time and didn't have any other interests for almost a year. I had my fair share of casual hook-ups in college, but I never felt a true connection with any of the girls and thus haven't had a girlfriend since I was 18.

Just started grad school and on the first day of class last month, I saw one of the most gorgeous girls I've ever encountered. I kept thinking about it because I couldn't quite tell what nationality she was (had a very international look...my first thought was maybe Mediterranean of some sort, but I really had no idea.) Even though I was thinking of ways to start a conversation with her, the first few times we spoke she actually initiated the conversation, and so we got to know each other a little and it turns out our families are not only from the same country, but from the same city in that country. After our first exam I asked her to come to dinner with some other friends from class and things were going really well...she was laughing at all my jokes (even when I thought they weren't that funny) and just overall giving great vibes...until she dropped the "boyfriend" bomb.

Turns out she has a long distance boyfriend (don't know of how long) and it was definitely like an anvil to the chest. This is really the first girl I've just gone crazy about since my first girlfriend four years ago. I didn't let it phase me and have just been playin it cool, being friendly and slightly flirtatious whenever it feels right.

We've been able to talk alone a few times and get to know more about each other's backgrounds (I don't want to go into all the boring details) but I feel like I can't let this girl pass me by. At the same time, I obviously am not going to express my feelings to her or make a move when I know she has a boyfriend (although I know not all hope is lost because I had a very similar situation in college where I thought a girl was cute but she had a long distance boyfriend and so we kept hanging out as friends...they broke up a month or two later and we ended up getting together a few weeks after that.)

While I don't want to make an active move while she's got a boyfriend...I don't want to be passive about it either.

Any thoughts?

[Gigabitch]

My thoughts: Be honest about your interest. Tell her it's too bad she has a boyfriend, because if she didn't, you would have asked her out by now. Be as completely respectful of her commitment with this other guy as you would want someone else to be of yours if she was with you.

Then, you wait. You still see each other around. You're THERE. He's not. Maybe she'll choose you.

[azewl3]

Perfect advice...thank you so much. I'll keep you posted on what happens

[derm]

Been there!.........It's an awful situation to be in and be very hard to deal with especially if you really really really like her.

You seem pretty levelheaded and not the type of guy who would fall for just any girl you think is cute. This makes it all the harder when you realise someone you really have chemistry with is in a relationship.

Your best bet is let her know ASAP about your feelings, especially if you are 110% sure she feels the same [and not just flirting with you to feed her ego]. My advice would be to ask her to contact you if she finds herself single one day and get as far away from her as possible in the interim.

Being around her and wondering if anything will EVER happen will only eat you up inside mate, and you'll grow more and more in love/lust with her with no guarantee of it ever going anywhere.

Good luck!

[azewl3]

So I was thinking about this situation a bit more today (obviously) and I feel like regardless of whether I tell her how I feel now or later (I'm leaning towards later), I'm still going to need to impress her and keep her interested. I talk to her a little bit every day but I really need to do more than that I feel...while still keeping it cool and relaxed.

Any suggestions?

[Joemofo]

I would wait for her to make the first move

[Sami09]

i think you should wait till you break up with her bf if she does. there so many single girls out there. i know why i am sayin this casue i am in a relationship i would be pissed off if my bf pulled this shit just not right. wait till she is single dude.

[azewl3]

You're right...it's a delicate situation because I really, really do not want to be the guy who hits on the girl with a boyfriend...which is why I'm not planning on doing anything for a while. But at the same time...this is not just any girl...trust me...and I still want to make good impressions on her, you know? I'm not talking about making a move or telling her about my feelings...just doing things that will hopefully get her thinking about me

Does that make more sense?

[vashti]

I don't think there is anything wrong with reminded her from time to time that you'd like to date her when she loses the boyfriend. I don't mean every week, but just from time to time (or she will think you are a stalker).

In my opinion, she isn't married, and she should know she has options. She won't run off with you if she loves her boyfriend.

Just be sure she DOES break things off with him before she dates you.

[Gigabitch]

Don't be sneaky. Telling her straight up that you WOULD be asking if she were single is not hitting on her. Don't hover around her trying to be interesting might land you up in the Friend Zone, so BE CLEAR.