Is the relationship settling down or is it breaking down?

[bbk]

Hello,
I don't come here that much unless I have a problem, but I was browsing some threads just now and there are some great things to think about and advice to take heed of.

Anyway,
Ive been going out with this girl (we will call her Sharon) for about 2 and a half months.

The way things started was like this.
I went to an old friends house who I haven't seen in about 4 years. I was reacquainted with my old friends and got to know some new ones. Sharon was there. From that day we got each others MSN addresses and we got pretty friendly. Convos were fun and hyper. Then one day we were talking about how our other friend was trying to set us up, so I just said to Sharon, was there any point in our friend doing so. Sharon said yes. From then on we knew we liked each other and we started going out a week later (see, with the way things are, I live about 50mins from where my old friends and Sharon live, so I can only see her once a week during school time)

Anyway, the real problem. For the past few weeks I have noticed that MSN convos are very slow, nothing like they were. See, we would have cute smileys that we would use like ^^ and things like that, and hug smileys and things. Convos were very fun and interesting. No dull moments, we could be joking around then talking serious. Twas great. But then a few weeks ago this began to stop, she doesn't do the ^^ and hug things anymore.
I have been told that she DOES NOT like the mushy stuff, which is fine. But the odd thing is for a good while when we started going out, she would do the mushy stuff. And it wasn't like I started it or anything, we both just did it.
So, my thinking on the MSN side of things is that she used to do the mushy stuff, so I know she can do it and she liked doing it,but now she just doesn't.
Its very rarely that I see her in a hyper mood and things are like they would be. She seems to be tired alot, and she does become less talkative when she is tired. But she seems to be tired a lot now a days and just not hyper as much.

Another thing is that we hardly ever talk, at all in person. We are quiet people anyway so I thought that was OK, but the thing that worried me was that other people were able to have conversations with her so easily. And the fact that I couldn't get past how are you really worried me. Also with having the msn thing floating in my mind also didnt help.

I have also noticed a change in the way things are when we are together. We would hold hands a lot. And when we would sit down I would have my arm around her and things would be great. We did that all the time. Then one day, she didn't want to do anything. She didn't want to hold hands or have my arm around her. She said nothing. Then she rolled over in a ball facing away from me. I thought this was odd and a little worrying, as did another friend in the room at the time. So, I was worried about that, because she said nothing about it, and when I asked her if things were OK she said they were fine. She then went on some holidays so I couldn't talk to her.
I think understandably I was worried at this sudden coldness she showed towards me. It was out of no where, because she never seemed to have a problem with holding hands and things before. It was totally unexpected.

Then when I questioned her about it she said that she wasn't a fan of the constant hand holding and what not and that she just wanted some space. Now, I am fine with that but it could have helped if I knew that on the day.
Its very hard to get her to open up without asking her very direct questions.


Now, all of the above may seem a bit confusing so please tell me and I will attempt to clear things up.

The problem the way I see it is that I can worry about things way too much.
I have figured out that when things went quiet on MSN I was worried as to why a small bit. Then when the talking in person thing came up where others were able to talk to her so easily that worried me also because I had the msn thing in the back of my mind. Then when the day that she wanted her space, that freaked me out because I thought of all the bad things that happened before in my mind, then this unexplained and unexpected coldness pops out of no where! So, with all that unexplained stuff happening I worried alot!
So that's my over thinking problem, because there are explanations for everything, on msn she is just tired for some reason and doesn't talk much, when we are with each other, we didn't talk much anyway, just because of previous events I was a little more aware of the lack of talking. And then the space thing.


Now, I know the relationship is setteling down and that it cant always be like how it started, im just wondering, am I making something out of nothing?
Because all my attempts to get a convo going never really work, we still dont talk much when we see eachother and the next day I saw her after the space thing I gave her the space and I hardly saw her that day really.

I used to be absoultly crazy about Sharon, but at the moment things are blurred because I just dont know how she feels, she is very closed off sometimes. We are gonna have a talk this saturday about things.

I am just wondering what you guys and gals think. I know it may sound confusing :p.


Thanks very much and I hope it makes sense,
bbk

[Gigabitch]

I agree that this is worrying. That whole "nothing's wrong" thing is such bullshit. It just makes it harder to get to where you need to be, which is back to good. Doesn't have to be the same hyper brand-new feeling, but it should be better than this, and her refusal to acknowledge the change is not a good sign. I don't know if it means she's becoming disinterested or if it's just that she's a shitty communicator, but it's bad.

Here's the thing, though: school is almost out, and that's going to change your relationship significantly. I think talking about it on Saturday is good, but she may not respond well to pressure. She sounds like she's got some boundaries that you're unaware of. Maybe you should ask her for some guidelines.

The only other advice I have is to let her miss you a bit. I don't mean that you should withhold affection from her, but maybe you should give her that space she's been asking for. Maybe she'll find herself reaching for your hand. I hope so. It feels pretty bad to think the person you like might not like you as much as you like them.

I hope it works out for you.

[bbk]

Thanks, what you said makes alot of sense.
I am always talking to her and I want to talk to her on msn whenever I can, and I always wanna hold hands and all that stuff. So, your saying if I give her that space, and maybe miss the odd day on msn she might start reaching for my hand again? That makes sense.
And thanks for the good wishes.


Anybody with something else to add?


Thanks
bbk

[vashti]

I will add that Giga's advice is usually right.

[clynn]

Yep. Giga is smart!

[bbk]

Well, she broke up with me today.
The usual its not you its me thing.
Twas another day of distant crap. Then when leave to go home she walks me to the train station and tells me. I dont blame her or anything. I am not angry at her, but I was really crazy about her.

Thanks for the advice.
bbk

[clynn]

Sorry to hear about that.

It is good she finally came out with it!

[vashti]

Sorry, my friend. Try to keep your chin up.

[bbk]

Well I was looking through the forum and I hope this saying I found "What is easy isn't always right, and what is right isn't always easy." kinda applies here. She wasnt exactly looking like it was the hardest thing to do.

Ok, I know I didnt want this to happen. Its probably for the best, but at the moment I want this to be a lil hick up.

Welcome to life eh?

Thanks everyone for the good wishes and the help.
bbk