A new sense of self worth -- it seems that ever since the ex left I had been feeling just BAD about myself...I had actually gone on some dates and gotten pretty intimate with a few girls -- but for whatever reason just felt unattractive. Well...through lots of reading on this forum, lots of reading of tons of books (PM me for a list of the good ones). I realized that the reason I felt so bad about myself was because I allowed so much BS to go down and had spent a year and a half walking on eggshells around the ex....and well I had basically allowed myself to be a pushover and put up with TONS of unnecessary crap.
Today -- 1 of said girls was "playing the game" and I immediately recognized it through reading on here, books, experience with the ex and just decided to delete the text message and just not care. Yeah its disappointing but its also empowering to feel okay with being alone and not in a relationship and be able to just cut it off. If they don't even try to win you over in the early stages -- you have a difficult relationship ahead. Yeah its definitely true that my tolerance for BS is now very low -- but my self esteem and self worth grows every day.
As I read more and more stories about ... he was contacting his ex and I caught them going to lunch etc.. or she slept with her coworker but it didn't mean anything and then things were good...but I kept checking her email I just want to scream at the screen and SAY "IT WAS NEVER GOOD!!!" might have been good for the other person because they were issued by you a license to do whatever they wanted -- but for you it was a relationship fraught with insecurity, hurt, anxiety as to when the next shoe would drop. Let it go -- regain your self worth and understand what is or is not acceptable. If you would feel weird doing it / would be worried you would get caught then its not acceptable to you...and its not something you should accept. Think of how hard you tried to show your ex-lover you cared...and that is how hard anyone you are with should show you they care.
Just a few thoughts to start your day...
Hey all -- getting a few PMs on the books I recommend reading so I thought I would post them here:
Emotional Unavailability by Bryn C. Collins
Marry Him the Case for Settling for the Mr. Good Enough by Lori Gottlieb -- okay this is a chick book but it made me realize I was looking for qualities that probably didnt matter much -- it also helps to hear how people who left great guys ultimately got burned
Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman -- critical if you ever want to have a healthy relationship again. Helped me to understand why I always felt unloved/unappreciated