Need super urgent advice

[jakki2903]

Firstly thanks to all that respond.

I am a bit insecure now about my friend - since my boyfriend met her - he keeps asking me about her - like - have I spoke to her blah blah. But then she did sleep with his mate on my sofa (bl55dy cheek) so maybe I am looking into this stupidly and he’s only doing what I’d do if I’d seen him out with his mate the night before. Her however is a different story - I confided in her about the toaster and she goes and says outloud ‘oh I heard about the £70 toaster’ like trying to get a dig - obviously he’s gonna think I’ve been discussing the relationship with her. She doesn’t like it when I’m happy and she kept looking at him on the Sat night - do you think this is all in my head or does she like him?

She has the morals of an alleycat in that she had a 5 year relationship and must have cheated (and I meant slept with) approx 30/40 people behind his back.

I know he wouldn’t do that to me.

Oh I am so emotionally messed up.

He met half my family yesterday and I met his mum.

I just keep feeling so unsure of everything. I don’t know what to do. Need advice!!???

[sleepy]

here's my first thought:

why are you friends with this woman, exactly?

i would say your man sounds alright; it's more the friend who is the problem. if you sincerely feel she would screw you over, and there is no point talking to her about it, i would say break-up with the friend, not the man. life is too short to spend *any* emotional energy on a petty, useless, friend, that you can't trust.

i think you have to decide if this is

1) insecurity talking - you are worried she is somehow more attractive than you, in which case you should work on yourself;

or 2) intuition talking - you realize that your friend is skanky,but don't have the heart to dump her. if this is case, get the heart, and get rid of her.

if your relationship with your guy is a good one, you can just tell him, without cattiness, that she is simply a waste of your time and you have better things to do. if he continues to ask about her, you can tell him he sounds like a chick looking for gossip. he may just be trying to get a rise out of you.

in any event, don't worry too much - if he is worth your time this will work itself out. it honestly does sound like the larger problem is in your friendship with the girl.

just my 1.4 cents good luck!

[cbee]

I know he wouldn’t do that to me.

I think that's the key, you have to trust him. If you don't trust him then there's no point having a relationship.

Is there anything you can do to boost your confidence? It's obvious that due to something it's taken a knocking because of the way you worry about absolutely everything that happens and think that it's going to impact on your relationship i.e. he's going to leave you or thinks your worthless. I believe that until you're happy with yourself you can't truly be happy in a relationship.

Oh and as for your so-called friend. I agree with Sleepy. Why exactly is she your friend. The great thing about friends is that you can cut the drift wood loose, if she's just good to go clubbing with then confine your friendship to within those bounds. If she's just plain nasty then ditch her.

[jakki2903]

Well she's been my friend for 5 years but saying that she hasn't been that good a friend to me.

Her boyfriend of 5 years has just moved to New York and told her he doesn't miss her etc etc, so maybe she is just trying to get some attention. I don't want her anywhere near him or his mate. He I understand is just probably doing what anyone would - that is asking generally - maybe he wants to get his mate a girlfriend?

This mate however is not her type at all, do you think that maybe she just craves attention - from anyone, regardless of who they are?

When she stayed and my boyf was there he went into my room with me he barely stayed out in the lounge with those two (he was very pi55ed). My insecurities lie with ex boyfriends, who have told me they loved me then all of a sudden change there mind. Hence me always seeking reassurance. It gets him down sometimes but he does understand me and he's still with me which I guess speaks volumes. This is my longest relationship and I need to learn to relax and let whatever be, be. It is just hard sometimes.

I dunno what to do about the friend - do you's think she's after him? When we were at the club everytime he came over she'd say to him 'I dunno how u put up with her' talking about me - I just don't think a friend should say something like that!!!

Thanks for all your replies, your advice is invaluable to me!!

x