Love, Infatuation, Lonliness, or something else?

[w876012c]

This past weekend my best friend got married. During the reception one of our friends recalled a time when the groom said something along the lines of, I'm so blessed to be able to wake up every morning and know that through all my flaws and short comings, that this girl loves me.

That got me thinking...

I'm no expert on dating, heck, I've only ever had a handful of serious relationships, whether I chalk that up to being anti-social, or just having unbelievably high standards, IDK if I'll ever know. But I'm in a bit of a pickle.



This girl, how she looks and feels about me, the things she writes me, and the things she says off the wall and out of the blue... Well... It makes me feel as tho she'd love me through all of my flaws and short comings... And she's told me countless times now that I'm the man of her dreams...

I'm currently 25 years old, almost 26, and when I was 17 I went on a mission trip to Romania where I met a girl. We fell in love, or at least what we thought was love at the time, and when we came home from the trip 4 weeks later we made a long distance relationship last 364 days. I can't say for sure because it was so long ago, but I think we could have made it last even longer if, at the time, my mother had developed a different view of her. She hated her so much that it drove us to break it off.

She still hates her, and sad enough to say, my mother and I are VERY close... I have sort of a dependency issue, tho it's not like the case where I can't live without her and I can't make my own decisions, thats just kinda downright pathetic. I'd sum it up as a very deep respect and appreciation for what she has given me throughout my life. And the very last thing I EVER want to do is disapoint her in any way.

To get back to the problem. This girl and I have been talking for the past 3 years pretty much reguraly. We haven't seen eachother in person since Prom my junior year of high school, but every time we talk, it's as tho I'm talking to my best friend, and she feels the same. I can do anything while I'm on the phone with her, as in, I'm more comfortable sharing things with her than I am with anyone else, even my best friend I mentioned earlier. What does that mean?

Now, why we aren't together right now... I live in Pennsylvania, she lives in South Carolina.

I'm sure this is all rambling to the people reading this, and I haven't thought this post through very deeply, but every time we start talking again, it's like I'm falling in love with her all over again for the very first time. I can't picture a more perfect scene than waking up by her side and raising a family with her, but at the same time that very thought scares me to DEATH.

She has 2 small children, ages 3 and 1 1/2 years *one from previous marriage and one from adoption* and even tho I've never met them I feel like I could instantly love those little tikes like one of my own.

There will be more to this post, I could make it 3 or 4 pages long. But first I want to know, based off the information I've provided so far, and if more need be provided as part of a deeper background into this I can provide it, am I crazy? Am I truely in love? Or is this some sort of infatuation with a girl that I never truly got to experience a real relationship with? Am I nuts for even thinking about this after all this time has passed? Or should I say screw it all and go for what obviously looks like the best thing in my life?

Once these questions are answered, I'm sure I'll post more of the story.

Thanks in advance for the advice!

[Natlee]

I don't think it is love when you have not seen her for so long but I do think you do have strong feelings for her. I think you should persue this cause it makes you happy, you see a future where you could love her and her children. Seems like your onto a winner and it seems from your post she likes you to so why not go for it. And good luck .

[lahnnabell]

You don't have to jump the gun and start planning marriage just because your friend is married. You don't have an expiration date. Seems like you really idolize the feelings your friend has about his wife. I think that's great, but take YOUR life in stride and don't take on responsibilities you're not ready for.

Sounds like you still have feelings for this girl. She's the one from Romania? Sorry, your organization threw me off a bit. Why does your mother dislike her so much? Is it a cultural thing? It may just be that she's never formally met this young woman who may be taking her little boy away. It's very important for mothers to feel respected by a new woman in their son's life, despite how irrational that may seem to some.

Long-distance relationships are still new, in a way. Perhaps she's having trouble understanding why you continue to be so infatuated with a woman you never see, or how you can have a fulfilling relationship with such distance between you. Have you ever discussed your relationship with this woman with your mother? If you're as close as you say, you probably have.

So, why does your mother hate her?

[vashti]

You don't have to jump the gun and start planning marriage just because your friend is married. You don't have an expiration date. Seems like you really idolize the feelings your friend has about his wife. I think that's great, but take YOUR life in stride and don't take on responsibilities you're not ready for.

Sounds like you still have feelings for this girl. She's the one from Romania? Sorry, your organization threw me off a bit. Why does your mother dislike her so much? Is it a cultural thing? It may just be that she's never formally met this young woman who may be taking her little boy away. It's very important for mothers to feel respected by a new woman in their son's life, despite how irrational that may seem to some.

Long-distance relationships are still new, in a way. Perhaps she's having trouble understanding why you continue to be so infatuated with a woman you never see, or how you can have a fulfilling relationship with such distance between you. Have you ever discussed your relationship with this woman with your mother? If you're as close as you say, you probably have.

So, why does your mother hate her?

I wouldn't be excited about my American son having an international relationship when there are plenty of girls in the states to choose from. Especially not one with kids. Especially when he hasn't even met them. The whole situation sounds ridiculously fairy tale-ish, from a practical point of view.

[hurt_confuzd]

I wouldn't be excited about my American son having an international relationship when there are plenty of girls in the states to choose from. Especially not one with kids. Especially when he hasn't even met them. The whole situation sounds ridiculously fairy tale-ish, from a practical point of view.

Would you prefer your American daughter having an international relationship?

[w876012c]

To clarify, she is American. From South Carolina. She was on the trip with me as a missionary. As for my mother, she hates her so much because when she was young and afraid of losing me she made up a story or two to try to get me to stay with her, when I had no intention of leaving int he first place. Now that she's older *22* I can see that she's matured substantially, who hasn't from the time they were 17?

I fall for her every time i hear her voice, and I could sit on the phone with her for hours not saying a single word and be completely happy. We video chat quite a bit on the computer as well, so it's not like we haven't actually seen each other and what not.