I honestly don't know what to do. Is it worth the risk

[ChewyConor]

If you want the full story it's below, but I'll write up a shortened, easier to read version. I met a girl and became really good friends, and now I'm really falling for her. She has a reputation for sleeping around and not being faithful. Every part of my rational mind screams at me to leave it alone and forget it before I get hurt, but I just don't know what to do. I'm so conflicted.
I'm pretty happy with life normally, but she just makes me feel so content and happy the moment I see her, and so comfortable. I've never felt like that about anyone before. Even in relationships in the past when I've been genuinely in love. Of course there's been people I've always been pleased to see or hear from, but never in this way.
I've been warned by most of our mutual friends that I'll just get hurt. Is it ever worth the risk? I'm terrified of what could happen, but I want to try so badly.


* * * * * Full Story * * * * *
So here's the story; I met this girl. She has a reputation for sleeping around a lot and being generally that sort of person. At first I had absolutely no intention of getting in any way involved. We became good friends pretty quickly though, largely due to the fact that I was a guy who wasn't trying to get her into bed and that we always had a great time together.

We always flirted a lot and had a laugh, and some of our mutual friends kept making comments like referring to us as 'the happy couple' and such like. I still took it totally lightly and not once did it cross my mind to seriously consider if there was any possibility of more. That was, until one of our friends asked me outright if I fancied her, to which I honestly replied that I didn't, and explained that I don't think I could ever fully trust her, and that there were a few important compatibility issues between us. She outright didn't believe me whatsoever. That was when it first started to prey on my mind. At first I wondered if she had asked the friend to ask me, but I dismissed that, yet every time I stopped and thought about things, she came to mind and I couldn't help but seriously ask myself whether it could ever work.

It's been a few weeks now and we've grown even closer still. I keep hearing her say that she wants a proper boyfriend, and that she really doesn't want to be the stereotype that her reputation demands any more. Some of her friends have said they think she's only been like that because she's troubled by her ex, who after they broke up repeatedly called her a whore and a slut and told her she'd never be worth anything to anyone. They said she took that to heart and believed it, and now struggles to be anything other than that. I don't know.

In any normal situation, I'd just listen to my head and keep a comfortable distance, enjoy the time we spend together and try not to consider anything else because it's not sensible at all. It could easily ruin our friendship, I'm likely to end up really hurt, and the chances of it working out are so small. And yet there's something I can't ignore.

It's not her attractiveness that makes me reconsider, although she is beautiful. It's not her humour either, although she is hilarious. It's not her intelligence, although she is smart. It's not anything about her at all, despite how amazing she is. It's simply that, whenever she's around, I just feel happy. I'm in a good place in life anyway, don't get me wrong, but she adds to it in such a way that she fills a part of me I didn't know was even there. I feel so content and with such a sense of belonging. It's like there's nowhere else in the world I'd rather be than right there with her. I've never felt like that about a person before. I find myself wanting to just hold her close and be with her. Even when she was really ill and looked so rough she could have passed for a heroin addict. I was glad she was with me, rather than with someone else who didn't care as much as I do.

Then when she leaves, the feelings vary. Sometimes the contentment lingers and I'm happy for the rest of the day. Sometimes I feel deflated and empty, not knowing when I'll see her again, even though I know it'll be soon. Sometimes I'm angry and pissed off at myself, frustrated that I didn't ask her to stay, or kiss her, or that I didn't tell her how I felt. But the truth is I'm terrified to do any of that.

Terrified firstly of rejection. Even though from talking to her friends I don't think that's very likely. I'm 80-90% sure she'll respond positively, yet I'm so scared nonetheless. I'm also terrified of losing her as a friend. I know I'd want to delay sex between us for a good few weeks at least, until I'm totally comfortable and have some level of trust. But that makes me fear she'll get frustrated early on and it'll be over before it's begun. Things could go so badly, and not only will it come between us, but it could easily come between me and the friendship group that I've become semi integrated into. I could lose them all. The truth is, the most likely thing to happen is her cheating on me and/or hurting me badly in some way. I've been warned by quite a few people, and my housemate (a mutual friend between me and her) said she thinks I'm too nice for her; that I'll end up being too emotionally invested and I'll like her more than she'll be able to return and eventually I'll get really hurt. I've been hurt badly before, and I don't know if I can take that risk.

I could really love her. The way she makes me feel is unique and special and rare. It seems so unlikely to have any kind of happy ending, yet I want it so badly. More and more each day. I wish she'd say something to me first. I wish I had enough courage. I wish I could forget about it and move on. I wish she just knew.

[mala]

maybe u shud give her a chance....i also have a similar reputation with people (although its not at al true) n my ex cud never trust me enuf. i was never given that chance, maybe if u really like her u shud give her a chance..

[Cerby]

maybe u shud give her a chance....i also have a similar reputation with people (although its not at al true) n my ex cud never trust me enuf. i was never given that chance, maybe if u really like her u shud give her a chance..

No, this is a case where the OP should trust his gut. He knows he wants her, but a voice in the back of his head is giving him warnings. Tread carefully if you go for it, keep attachment to a minimum for the first while. I've learned that the voice in the back of my head is almost always right, so I'd steer clear.

[HeartIsAching]

If your head and your heart are in conflict... it's a good bet to not do it. I wish I'd learned that sooner.