My GF and my friends... HELP!!!

[saervdainc]

This is a bit long, but I have to give the background story for it to make full sense. I appreciate your time in advance.

Hello everyone. I solely joined this forum to ask the non bias, general public of mixed demographics' opinion on a topic that my girlfreind and I have been arguing over. I am a 24 year old male who lives in Los Angeles, CA and my girlfriend is 21 year old female living in San Francisco, CA

I've known my girlfriend for 3 years, we've officially been dating for 9 months. I love her and can't imagine myself without her, or with anyone else. I know she feels the same way too.

I wen't to the same private school from pre-K to senior year. I have a big circle of friends, but have a really close group of four friends that I've known for 20-years of my life; they are like my brothers and sisters. I don't have any famliy besides my sister and parents here in LA, so I've shared all my life with my freinds over the past 20 years and see no end to the freindship just as I don't see an end to my relationship with my girlfreind.

My girlfriend went to a public school in SF, doesn't have a terribly large group of freinds, has a few close freinds, but has a lot of family (2 married siblings, 3 uncles, 1 aunt, countless cousins, etc) all who live whithin a very close radius of one another in SF.

About a year ago, one of my closest friends Beverly moved to Arizona for dental school. A couple months back, she was going to be on break, so my other close friend Ellen said we should take a trip to AZ and spend a couple nights at her place. I told our other close friend Jack and we were all supposed to go out there.

My girlfreind has met my closest freinds on several occasions and knows how much they mean to me (never more than her), and has never been given a reason to not trust them around me.

When this trip was brought up, my GF told me she was uncomfy with me going there with Ellen and Bevery. Mind you, Ellen and Beverly both have boyfriends of their own, and we have NEVER had any love interest in one another. If anything, Beverly, Ellen, Jack, and I have helped each other through relationships with others. So I was a little perplexed at her response and asked for a reason. Her reason was simply "because it makes me uncomfy".

A few months back, I had told her that her talking to a male friend of hers in SF made me uncomfy. Except, I had a reason. Though they had been friends for a while, he had a love intrest in her a couple years back. Nothing ever came of it, and she assured me there was nothing there anymore, so I let it go, and they were still friends who talked, hung out, had lunch, and watched movies on occasion. I didn't think I had any reason, at the time, to tell her to limit her interaction with him because though she was my GF, this is a friend of hers from before meeting me and I trust her and her judgment. Until she told me she was upset one day that he had texted her to join him and his friends at a venue about 1 hour away from her house for a party that would last through the night, and that he would love for her to "spend the night" with him, knowing full well she had a BF. If she felt uncomfy with this, I was flat out livid. So, needless to say, her interaction with him has been very limited since, all because she agreed with my point of view and I had a damn good reason.

So when she told me she was uncomfy with me going to AZ with 2 of my closest female friends, I asked for a simple reason. She ,simply, did not have one. And I continued on with my stand that her reason was strictly personal and emotional, undeserved and unwarranted. She went on to say that my comments were like a slap to the face, and i proceeded to ask for a reason, nothing more. And she couldn't provide one. She went on to say that she was just telling me how she felt, and that I could still do what I wanted, which was like telling me to shoot my self in my foot.

The trip never happened because plans fell though, but I told her that regradless of how she feels, I would have taken that trip because it seems to me that it was simple jelousy. I also mentioned that by making the comments she did, she put me in between a rock and hard place. If I didn't go, I wouldn't be true to myself and how I felt, and if I did go, I would be disrespecting her feelings.

I believe that unless you have a reason, any BF or GF has no right to tell their significant other such a thing.

All I want to know is wether you agree or dissagree with my point of view, or hers, or both, That's all.

Thank you again.

[vashti]

Well, I think expecting her to be *comfortable* with you going on trips with other girls was asking a bit much. No, she technically doesn't have a leg to stand on, but this isn't a legal matter, it's an emotional one, and all your logical reasoning will amount to nothing when compared to her emotional reaction. You would have done much better had you invited her to go along. If she was unavailable, you could have explained that you were planning to room with the other guy, and the girls would be staying in a different room. And yes, it would be reasonable for her to NOT want you to sleep in the same room as those other girls.

[starbuck]

Agree with Vash. Was there a reason you didn't invite her along? Wouldn't that be an easy way to avoid her getting weird about the whole situation?