Confusing break up: is it really over?

[taintedpoet]

Yeah so, I posted my problems yesterday but ironically today my boyfriend broke up with me.

Reading the post entitled "Boyfriend has problems showing affection?" on the Love Advice forum might give you a little background information about our relationship if you so desire it. (I'd post the link but I need a post count of at least 15 to do so.)

Basically, I'm a 16 year-old female and my boyfriend is 18. He's going to be leaving in a few months and I won't see him for at least a year since I'll still be at school whilst he takes a gap year. After that we're probably both going to the UK for university but it's unlikely we'll still have the opportunity to see each other. Anyway, recently he got accepted into an amazing university but if he wants to go then he needs to get amazing grades so he's under a lot of stress at the moment. For the last couple of weeks we haven't been able to go out at the weekend because he's got so much work to do.

Today he told me that he wanted to break up with me because he felt it wasn't fair on me - that he couldn't be a good boyfriend since he was so busy and unable to see me that often. We saw each other at school but it was different there and we weren't as comfortable around one another.

Clearly I'm pretty upset. I knew we would have to part ways when he left but I still wanted a few months remaining with him. And it's Valentine's day in a week too, great. I told him that I didn't want to lose him, and that I was okay with us staying together even if I only saw him sporadically at school. But he said he was just under too much pressure and felt it was the best thing to do. I just want him to be happy so I agreed, but still I'm worried about him and unsure about all this. I feel like he's pushing me away, and at a time when he really needs somebody to be there for him. His mother and brother live in a separate country so he really misses them and only has his dad, so I'm doubly worried that he's just cutting himself off from everyone. I understand his academics are important to him but this seems ridiculous to me. He's stressing himself out and pretty much ruling out his social life, and I honestly don't think it's healthy. Nobody can exist like this.

I was sort of accepting that we were over, but then he said he still wants to be great friends and see me at school. So this leaves me thinking: is anything really going to change? As I explained in my other post, we haven't kissed and aren't overly affectionate around each other. So if we're still talking at school then it will be like nothing has happened and we're still going out. So why's he making such a big deal of this?

Thoroughly confused by all of this.

Thanks for reading, and I'd love any opinions if you have them.

[cmacattack1]

If he's pushing you away, he's got some issues of his own to sort out. I did the same to my ex girlfriend, no matter how much she wanted to be there and how much she wanted to help. If he wants to be on his own, you have to let him. Don't take it personally, you aren't a failure for him to feel this way. He's got to get things straight in his life and if he still has feelings for you once it's sorted out, he'll come back to you. There isn't really much you can do. He doesn't feel like he can be with you and give you one hundred percent, which is very mature and I'm sure it's a hard decision for him to make as well.

[Gigabitch]

Aren't you lucky that your first boyfriend was so responsible with your feelings? I think so. You'll be fine. You'll find another boyfriend, and maybe next time he'll be a little more enthusiastic about the relationship.

[davidtorres]

He knows you guys are going to break up so he cut it earlier than you expected. I think your hurt even more coz you will lonely this coming valentines day.

[taintedpoet]

Thanks everyone, yeah I know it was very mature of him and I do understand his reasons for breaking up. I might not like the fact but we would have had to split eventually, and even if it didin't happen in the way I would have liked, it was inevitable. I am happy that at least he was thoughtful enough to consider my feelings. (:

I've not seen much of him since then but I still do want to be friends, so hopefully things can remain amicable if more distant between us. I told him I'd be there for him if he ever needed me so I suppose all's well (or as well as can be hoped).

Thanks again for all your help, I really appreciate it. (: