My girlfriend and I were together for almost 5 years. We spent the first 3 years together in a long distance relationship but we saw each other every weekend during that time. After 3 years, I moved to her city to attend grad school and we still live in the same town today.
I am now a working professional and she is a PhD student. In May, she took a 3 month internship with a hospital in another city. In June, she called me and abruptly ended our relationship. She told me it was because she felt like she was losing her independence and was feeling overwhelmed. I wanted to talk to her about it but she refused. She was under a tremendous amount of pressure that week so I gave her some time alone to settle down. We finally spoke again on the phone and she simply said she didn't want to talk about our split but that she knew she wasn’t the girl who was going to make me happy. She has dismissive-avoidant attachment issues that developed from her relationship with her parents. the characteristics are a strong desire for independence, refusal to ask for help, increasingly becoming less intimate and refusing to talk about feelings. She is that way exactly.
We were both very much in love and very happy. When I moved closer, we maintained our boundaries very well at first. During this time we talked about getting married and both of us wanted that. After I graduated our boundaries were compromised because I had more free time to spend with her. This is the point where she gradually started becoming more distant and rigid. The more affection I started to show, the worse it got.
I can’t help but believe that if she would open up and address the attachment issues that we could go back to being the happy couple that we used to be. She says she does not want to talk about it but I don't know if she is aware of the way she is or if she is too insecure or uninterested to talk about it. Should I try to pursue a discussion with her or should I leave it alone and move on? I know we can't be together if she can't change but she means so much to me (and I know that I did to her) that I don't want to throw in the towel without trying but I also don’t want to cause her anymore distress than she already has. She was picking out our children’s names and arranging for our parents to meet a few weeks before she left for the summer. She assured me that there is no one else and I believe her. Any advice at all would be much appreciated!