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Originally Posted by
DoesntMatter
I feel like such shit
I was having an OK day until I kept seeing all these couples together and whatever, and unfortunately overhearing other peoples conversations and then hearing about how several of my friends hooked up last night.
God I want to kick their soft stomaches in until they barf up endless pools of blood and just empty slugs into their ****KING HEADS GOD FUCCKING DAMNIT!
Oh yeah, it occured to me how much I would love to kill some motherfuccker in front of their girlfriend if they try belittling me in any way in front of their girl, because why would they need to justify themselves to their girl in that way?
Sounds like you are going through some pretty heavy self esteem issues DM. If you were looking at these (above) from a healthy self esteem point of view, these things are all minor trivialities.
Your main issue (at least the way I see it) seems to be from lack of a good positive self image. This is why you get so easily irritated by these couples and all of these people hooking up everywhere (Because you are not). This is why you feel very sensitive towards being belittled. This is why you are thinking back to this work girl (as another lost opportunity, testament to perceived low self worth).
These low esteem perceptions are extremely difficult to go through and the pain they generate is excruciating. But the good news is that the answer to this pain lies within yourself and you don't need anyone else to find this answer for you. All you need to do is believe in yourself and in your own worthiness. And as you look back into the past and find and get saturated by examples of you being worthy of kindness from others, of you being worthy of love from others, of you being a worthy individual with a lot of potential and hope for the future you will begin to re-build your self esteem and re-build your own perceived value. You will look at your shortcomings as opportunities for growth. You will modify them and become bigger and stronger you. You will gain confidence from proving yourself. You will grow stronger by building yourself up physically by picking up sport and going to Gym. You will find new friends who are trustworthy and reliable, because you will build outstanding people's and social skills and everyone won't be able to get enough of you. They will come to you with questions and for support. You will look deep down inside and become the you you have always dreamt to be. You will modify your behavior to be the change you would like to see in the world, the change that you would like to encourage in others. Envy and belittlement of others will no longer be issues, they will no longer penetrate your confidence and self esteem protected by so many layers, they will bounce off you like rain drops. And as you lead by this positive example you will see yourself as an individual with real positive power and means of bringing about positive change. Your self esteem and confidence will be the mirror of positive outcomes of your actions.
All you need to do is believe in yourself and believe in the positive change in the future that awaits you. Believe in it because it's the truth.
Don't cry, don't regret and don't blame
Weak find the whip, willing find freedom
Towards the sun, carry your name
In warm hands you are given
Ask the wind for the way
Uncertainty's gone, your path will unravel
Accept all as it is and do not blame
God or the Devil
~Born to Live - Mavrik~