Should I step back for the moment, and is it a rebound?

[GITs]

Ok, so I need a bit of female insight into my situation...

My girlfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago and has since started dating this new guy (after about 1 week). He's 32, shes only 22, they have been friends for a while. I've discovered that they have been sleeping together every time they have met, which is rather strange as she is quite a closed up girl and usually wouldn't put out that fast.

She got in touch with me last night and seemed really confused in her own head, she said she felt really guilty and hated the fact that she was hurting me. She even said it felt like she was cheating on me with this guy.

I don't really know what to do, I'm thinking I should just back away for the moment as this is pretty much a guaranteed rebound (correct me if i'm wrong...)

I still love her very much and do want her back in my life, so I don't want to be nasty about it or anything and just need to know the best course of action.

Thanks for any tips in advance

[GITs]

If anyone wants to read this, its the conversation I had with her, I have no problem posting it up here, just let me know if you think I'm handling it ok...


[04/07/2010 20:43:28] Me:
[04/07/2010 20:43:37] Me: well, you're happy anyway
[04/07/2010 20:43:41] Her: oh
[04/07/2010 20:43:46] Her: i suppose i am
[04/07/2010 20:43:48] Her: yep
[04/07/2010 20:43:51] Me: only suppose?
[04/07/2010 20:44:09] Her: well
[04/07/2010 20:44:15] Her: i am happy
[04/07/2010 20:44:20] Me: i sense a but
[04/07/2010 20:44:25] Me: lol
[04/07/2010 20:44:51] Her: but it makes you unhappy
[04/07/2010 20:44:54] Her: and i dont like that
[04/07/2010 20:45:07] Her: i dont like the fact that you will get/are getting hurt
[04/07/2010 20:45:13] Her: despite our past
[04/07/2010 20:45:30] Me: beth, do you really care about what i feel still?
[04/07/2010 20:45:45] Her: of course i do dumbass
[04/07/2010 20:45:51] Me: then that alone makes me happy
[04/07/2010 20:46:02] Me: the fact that you still give a damn, im ok with that
[04/07/2010 20:46:33] Me: look, im ok with the breakup now, the last two days have really helped me, i've been surrounded by my friends, they have made me feel a lot better about things
[04/07/2010 20:46:46] Me: everything i said before still applies, but im not going to worry too much anymore
[04/07/2010 20:46:54] Me: we had some fantastic times
[04/07/2010 20:46:59] Me: and i dont want you worrying about me
[04/07/2010 20:47:10] Me: because we are both grown ups here
[04/07/2010 20:47:14] Her: oh
[04/07/2010 20:47:16] Her: we are?
[04/07/2010 20:47:18] Me: you know if you are making the right decisions
[04/07/2010 20:47:18] Her: oh
[04/07/2010 20:47:30] Her: i think i am kizzle
[04/07/2010 20:47:36] Her: but i hate that it will hurt you
[04/07/2010 20:47:42] Her: i still care for you
[04/07/2010 20:47:43] Her: deeply
[04/07/2010 20:48:08] Me: well, we've said that dependant upon how things go we might have another shot at a later date, at both of our conveniences
[04/07/2010 20:48:15] Me: im not going to lie, i still love you to bits to
[04/07/2010 20:48:15] Her: gi
[04/07/2010 20:48:30] Me: and yeah, it does hurt me a little bit, but i can get over that knowing that you are actually ok
[04/07/2010 20:48:40] Me: hell, i ****ed up, im paying the price
[04/07/2010 20:48:45] Me: put simply
[04/07/2010 20:49:04] Me: so you go enjoy yourself
[04/07/2010 20:49:08] Me: and yeah, we will see
[04/07/2010 20:49:14] Me: but i will still care
[04/07/2010 20:49:24] Me: and im here if you need a shoulder to cry on if he hurts you or anything
[04/07/2010 20:49:36] Me: you know the signs now from our relationship
[04/07/2010 20:49:44] Me: so just take it as lessons learned
[04/07/2010 20:49:45] Me: i am
[04/07/2010 20:49:53] Me: and im hoping i can improve myself because of it
[04/07/2010 20:49:57] Her: gi
[04/07/2010 20:49:57] Me: so yeah
[04/07/2010 20:49:59] Me: gi?
[04/07/2010 20:50:01] Her: *huggles*
[04/07/2010 20:50:16] Her: i still feel guilty though.
[04/07/2010 20:50:24] Her: part of me feels like im cheating on you
[04/07/2010 20:50:28] Her: how weird is that
[04/07/2010 20:51:03] Me: if you feel like that, maybe you need to re-evaluate your feelings about us and re-think your decisions, throw away the decision you already made and have a good think
[04/07/2010 20:51:14] Me: im not saying "if you feel like you are cheating on me, take me back"
[04/07/2010 20:51:25] Me: but maybe you need to have a think about it again without biasing it
[04/07/2010 20:51:34] Her: i think i need to have more time to see how this goes
[04/07/2010 20:51:47] Her: kissing him felt like i was cheating on you though
[04/07/2010 20:51:52] Her: i felt so guilty
[04/07/2010 20:52:08] Her: it's hard for me to remember sometimes
[04/07/2010 20:52:10] Me: only you know what to do then
[04/07/2010 20:52:31] Me: all i will say is i'm here either way
[04/07/2010 20:52:40] Me: to push you on, or to give you a hug and cwtch
[04/07/2010 20:52:52] Her: oh
[04/07/2010 20:53:08] Me: we ok?
[04/07/2010 20:53:10] Her: yeah
[04/07/2010 20:53:14] Her: but
[04/07/2010 20:53:15] Her: well
[04/07/2010 20:53:26] Her: i did something that im not proud of
[04/07/2010 20:53:29] Her: and i feel bad about it
[04/07/2010 20:53:40] Her: so i dont deserve your compassion right now
[04/07/2010 20:53:50] Me: beth, if you slept with him, its no biggie
[04/07/2010 20:53:54] Me: i dont need to know
[04/07/2010 20:54:02] Me: but well, sex is sex when it comes down to it
[04/07/2010 20:54:11] Me: only you know how emotionally involved you are in it
[04/07/2010 20:54:24] Her: gi
[04/07/2010 20:54:31] Me: so yes, you still deserve my love
[04/07/2010 20:54:38] Her: oh
[04/07/2010 20:54:40] Her: *hugs*
[04/07/2010 20:54:45] Me: ok?
[04/07/2010 20:54:47] Her: gi
[04/07/2010 20:55:07] Me: as i said, maybe you need to rethink things and put aside whats happened and listen to what your heart is saying instead
[04/07/2010 20:55:10] Me: the past is the past
[04/07/2010 20:55:23] Me: lets look to what we can manage in the future
[04/07/2010 20:55:28] Her: gi
[04/07/2010 20:55:31] Me: im not going to lie
[04/07/2010 20:55:35] Me: i want you by my side
[04/07/2010 20:55:42] Me: but we are not there right now
[04/07/2010 20:55:47] Her: i know
[04/07/2010 20:55:56] Her: you is teh wuffed
[04/07/2010 20:56:13] Me: have a think, chat to someone who knows "us"
[04/07/2010 20:56:24] Me: i dunno, jon, alice, alex, your mum
[04/07/2010 20:56:44] Me: and yeah
[04/07/2010 20:56:53] Her: yeah?
[04/07/2010 20:57:09] Me: well, yeah
[04/07/2010 20:57:12] Me: just have a think
[04/07/2010 20:57:27] Me: you obviously feel guilty about things, so maybe you need to re-assess the situation
[04/07/2010 20:57:39] Me: im kinda trying not to push you either way here
[04/07/2010 20:57:53] Me: its your decision
[04/07/2010 20:58:04] Me: either way, you have the wuff
[04/07/2010 20:58:23] Me: its just deciding what you want that to mean from me, and if you want someone else in my place
[04/07/2010 20:58:39] Her: you has teh has
[04/07/2010 20:58:41] Me: we had a lot of good times, but we had some bad times too, im not denying it
[04/07/2010 20:58:49] Me: but yeah, look over things
[04/07/2010 20:58:52] Me: k?

[Natlee]

I think you are right to back away right now since she is with someone else, this will give her time to think what she wants. She knows you are there. However it seems like if she stays with this other guy you will just wait for her still and to hold onto that will not be good for you. If she does not choose to come back then accept to move on and find someone else yourself.

[Mathias]

Huggles???

[GITs]

like hugs, but kinda cuter lol

[Taleena]

You said up there that you effed up, you are paying your price.

Why did you break up? If it was because of something you did she is probably sleeping with this other guy as a way to sort of make it even. It sounds like you both still want to be with each other and the only thing I can really think of is that if you did something that caused the break up and this is her way of getting even and justifying eventually getting back together. This way you will both have made mistakes and you both still care about each other.

BUT, if the break up was just because then I am obviously completely wrong

[xxazurexx]

Well firstly, how you can sit and listen to her babble on about her new bloke and kissing him etc, totally baffles me....I'd have thrown up listening to that crap.

Secondly, it must be great being her. New guy on the scene who she is screwing every night and her ex still hanging on like a puppy dog, who she knows she can go back to and if the relationship with the new guy falls through.

Honestly...why would you even want to talk to someone who so quickly got involved in a new relationship and a week after you split? I'd have cut her off and out of your life and never ever looked back.

Sorry to be a mean cow but I hate to see people taken the piss out of and used by their exes!! It totally confuggles me as to why people will want to keep an ex in their life and particularly this kind of ex who appears to find it soooo easy to jump from one bed and immediatley into another. I wouldn't give her the time of your day.

May be a rebound, maybe not. The reality is, she didn't know how fast to jump into his bed, she is screwing some other guy and he's likely been on the scene before she even broke up with you and he was her reason for breaking up with you....hence is why she switched so fast.