Hey everyone. I really need some advice.
The Nutshell:
he says he's been having doubts, but was still his normal, affectionate self after he told me (I asked him). So I don't know what I should do....
The details:
I’ve been with my bf for about a year now – we broke up at one point for 3 months though, but since we got back together, we’ve been really strong, until about a month ago. We used to spend a lot of time together, send messages, include hearts in those messages, etc. And when I’m actually WITH him, everything seems great – I feel loved and secure and wonderful. But when we’re apart, he seems colder, uninterested, neglectful, and uncommunicative. He has become lazy with answering text questions, much less sending random texts. Though he has sent a few, asking if I’ve heard back from X job interview, thanking me for a great night the night before, etc…. But it’s not what it used to be and I knew there was something up. And I rarely see him on MSN, and never get FB messages.
It really hurts when I try to ask him something, or I’m expecting him to tell me something, like “Ok, tonight is on – 9:30pm”, for a group hangout at his place. He’s been very neglectful contact in general, and his not contacting me last night about a hangout he had invited me to the night before was just the breaking point for me. We were at his place with his roommate and a few friends of ours. We were talking in the kitchen, and I brought it up because I was upset and didn’t want it to ruin the night for anyone. I never yell, and I was very civil as usual, but I told him I was upset. He said he was sorry, that he knew he was being neglectful and I didn’t deserve it etc…. But then I asked him straight out “How do you feel about me?” He replied that he was having doubts.
He explained it’s nothing I did/was doing, it isn’t someone else – in fact, he’s unsure why he’s unsure about us. But he is. I told him I understand and respect that, because I do. He was holding me/my hand as we had this convo. It felt good to be touching him, but what I was hearing kinda sucked.
I asked him “Should I stay the night then? Or should I go home at the end of the night?” He paused, kinda looked confused, then said “Let’s see how we feel at the end of the night.”
We didn’t let anyone else know and we acted out normal selves – little kisses, teasing, playing, etc. When people got up to leave, we were in the kitchen again saying goodbye. I tried to catch my bf’s eye but he wouldn’t catch mine while the others were putting on their shoes. I was basically looking for a nod to go or stay. Finally I went up to him and whispered “Should I go?” I said it quite plainly, as in ‘I understand and am fine either way’. He paused, then looked at me and said “Why don’t you stay?” As in “you should stay”. I said ok.
We hung out with his roomie a bit more. Then went to bed. We were normal with each other. Actually the sex was even better than usual! He was affectionate, kissing me, holding my hand when we were falling asleep. And in the morning we cuddled like we normally do as we take our hour to wake up. All normal.
When we got up, I felt a little unsure of where my “line” was. We had breakfast, and I kissed him on the cheek as I normally do when he did something great in the video game we played. As we were playing, he put his arm around me. But things felt a little awkward.
After an hour and a bit of being up, playing and eating, I said “I should probably be going home.” Normally I would stay all day with him, even another night (we normally spend the ENTIRE weekend together). He paused for a moment and said “yeah, ok.” He went and washed up a few dishes, I went to his room and quickly got my stuff, and our goodbye was shorter than normal. We kissed, and he drew me to a good, strong hug. Then I left.
I was thinking I should give him space/time. Which is why I left. That and I felt a little weird knowing our relationship was rocky.
I don’t know whether his normal affections are saying “we’ve a strong chance” or if they were more like “I’m sorry I’m going to hurt you.”
And what should I do? Especially if I want to keep him… Should I give him more space, or spend our normal full weekends with him, acting as I normally do? He’s felt like this for a while he said. And he’s still been affectionate when with me. Will I push him away if I break that venue for affection because I now know his real feelings? Will he feel too pressured because I now know?
I never got upset. But I love him, and a month ago I KNEW he loved me. I didn’t change, I didn’t do anything. Can his love/interest really just die?