Help- dating a few months!

[seashells02]

My guy and I have been dating three or four months... he was the one who pursued me as far as calling or texting in the beginning... although except for the first time when he asked me to hang out it's pretty much been up to me to initiate when we hang out, altho he almost always says yes and we hang out.

We hang out about once a week, we have met and hung out with each others friends about half the times we are together, and we are so alike in so many ways I think he really likes me and I really like him. Except he has never vocalized his feelings for me, and its been almost 4 months now and we are still not "official."

We both came from long-term relationships a few months back, but I really know he is so so special and I have never met anyone like him, we really click that I really want to be with him. I just have found that not only am I the one to initiate hanging out lately, but also the one always calling and texting him first for the past 2-3 months.

Since I am always the one contacting him- maybe a text every other day or so, does he not contact me because he expects me to? I really want to get out of this habit as all relationships I've been in have been more 50/50... he is an amazingly great guy in every way, but this issue frustrates me so much. What should I do??

[Gigabitch]

You should suggest something you could do together and then expressly tell him, "Okay, if you want to do that, text me tomorrow." If he can't be arsed to get in touch, let him miss you for a while. It could be that he's just being lazy. Some people get like that.

[seashells02]

Oh he WILL do that... like if he has something going on I'll be like let me know how it goes, and he will text me or call me like he says, but like I said, im still the one to INITIATE it in a way, ya know? I know he is pretty shy with girls, but i have made it SO CLEAR that I'm into him, could he still be shy/unsure??

Also, we are in our mid-20's...

[Gigabitch]

You'd think that after this long, he'd know you were into him. Jeeze.

Does he do this with his friends too?

[seashells02]

He must know... I'm just wondering why he is taking things so slowly....

Like I said he is an AMAZING guy. We both have a great group of close friends that we've grown up with, and he is the funny one of his group, altho he is fine being in the background, ya know?

I hate having to initiate the relationship convo, but should this be done?

[Gigabitch]

Well, I would, but I'm pretty outspoken. I'd just come up to him, take his hand, examine his fingers and say, "Huh. I wondered if they were broken, since you can't seem to use a phone."

By the way, is he from Santa Fe? 'Cause we've got an epidemic of phone-disabled men around here. I had to import my man from out of state.

[seashells02]

Ha! Thats funny because early on he hadn't text me in a little while so I text him back if his fingers were broken! This is why I think/ or I'm HOPING it's not that he's less interested... is it possible that some guys just assume its ok to sit back since we are always the one to contact?

Not sure if this makes a difference but he also hasn't seen this side of me where I care about these little things.. he's only seen me as strong and funny and probably has no idea these things bother me. He's even said before how un-needy I am and how its a great quality.

But apparently I AM needy! And no, we are from the northeast- SORRY!

Do any guys have advice????

[ed604]

I say just give him time. Be happy with what you have right now and go with it. I'm pretty sure if some cute guy starts talking to you and he finds out, his true feelings will come out for you. I think he is just content with what he has with you now so just let it be.

If anything, let him know how you feel.

[LoveGoddess240]

My guy and I have been dating three or four months... he was the one who pursued me as far as calling or texting in the beginning... although except for the first time when he asked me to hang out it's pretty much been up to me to initiate when we hang out, altho he almost always says yes and we hang out.

We hang out about once a week, we have met and hung out with each others friends about half the times we are together, and we are so alike in so many ways I think he really likes me and I really like him. Except he has never vocalized his feelings for me, and its been almost 4 months now and we are still not "official."

We both came from long-term relationships a few months back, but I really know he is so so special and I have never met anyone like him, we really click that I really want to be with him. I just have found that not only am I the one to initiate hanging out lately, but also the one always calling and texting him first for the past 2-3 months.

Since I am always the one contacting him- maybe a text every other day or so, does he not contact me because he expects me to? I really want to get out of this habit as all relationships I've been in have been more 50/50... he is an amazingly great guy in every way, but this issue frustrates me so much. What should I do??

i think you need to let him pursue you. it will be hard but i think that way you will know if he really likes you.think about it......if you really like someone you want to know what they are up to and how their day was and if he really likes you he will want to know these things and he will get ahold of you i went through a relationship where i did all the work and it turned out that he wasn't the right guy for me. not saying this guy isn't right for you. but he should initiate too. give him the chance to pursue and see what happens. hope this helps you. good luck

[mafj99]

If something is frustrating you it is best to get it resolved quickly otherwise it can build and build and then casue massive conflict.

It is never nice to feel like it is always you that has to make the effort if you want to see the other person. If it is starting to bother you then I would speak to him and let him know. The ball is then in his court.

When I first started seeing my gf she used to come and see me a lot and eventually confronted me about it as it was making her very unhappy as she felt I was not putting in the effort. I hadn't realised that it was bother her but when she told me I then did something about it.

From his point of view he is probablly happy that you contact him but it may not have dawned on him that you are getting fed up with it alwyas being you that makes the first move.

S

[confusedagain]

4 months? hmmm ok have you guys had sex? I'm asking because it seems he might be looking for a backup in case something else falls through. Are you sure he is not still hooked on his ex that he was in the long term relationship with? or could he be seeing someone else that you aren't aware of? It doesn't sound like hes shy to me sounds like he is playing with you.