How do I find a new man or even a date?!!

[LoveLisa]

I have come to the conclusion there is no chance of getting back with my ex. Now my problem is I'm all alone and can't even seem to find a date or even any way to come into contact with men in my town. Any suggestions would be helpful. My situation.... I don't know anyone here that is single, male or female. Except my ex's co-worker who is only 22 and dates teenage girls. There is one club here and it is 18 & over, only teenyboppers hang out there.There are a few bars, I splurged (bought one drink) at a bar and grill and sat there drinking it very slowly, but no guys came up to me or even took a second look, they were all real young and hitting on girls who were dressed like sluts! My ex never allowed me to have girls night out and I wasn't from here so I only had 2 close friends, both married, one of which he cheated on me with, the other moved away. I still haven't found a job here, so no friends to make there. I have been so upset and stressed out and cannot afford food and have lost 40lbs, so now none of my clothes fit. I didn't have any nite out clothes anyway, my husband never took me out and I dropped from a 16 to a 12 while married so anything I had before marriage got too big and I got rid of them. So now Im down to an 8 and my skin is sagging like I had gastric bypass or something. I cannot afford a gym membership and I only have one pair of jeans that fit(cheap plain grandma looking) and 2 zip up sweatshirts and old white tennis shoes(all that I can afford). I want to move on, but I cannot even afford to go out and buy myself a drink. And I do not feel that I have anything to offer a guy at this point even conversation wise. I'd be happy just to have a male friend to go have drinks with and talk. But talk about what? I do not have a credit card so can't do on-line dating and don't want to chat on-line with strangers. I can't afford to buy clothes to go out. I have no clothes to even go to church and meet a guy there. I ran out of contacts (eyewear) and now am wearing my 3 year old glasses that have a crack in the bottom of the lens. ATTRACTIVE!!
I'm not ugly, and if I had a job and money for clothes, drinks and food I would be out. I cannot even afford to go to the coffeeshop. I have wandered around the grocery store and smiled at guys, but they ignore me, I imagine it's because I am not dressed attractive. I am clean, no greasy hair, no bad breath.What do I do?!!!

[Chupacabras]

...if I had a job and money for clothes, drinks and food I would be out...

You need to address this and your self-esteem issues before you even think about complicating your life with a man.

There are free dating sites out there but the no money thing will turn off most if not all guys (especially around the age I think you are).

Get a job, find yourself a guy-friend at that job to hang out with a little, then start looking for a romantic partner.

Best,

[vashti]

Try meetup.com

It's a social networking site, but not a dating site. You join groups of people with similar interests in your area.

[QueenofCorona]

Can you get on state insurance to get vision insurance? Can you get grants for college courses? You may want to consider visiting a food shelf.

Work on yourself first, having a man in your life won't make things perfect.

In the meantime for free activities: volunteer at an animal shelter, go to the library, hit up a park for excercise. There is no dress code for church so you are always welcome there.

[Luca]

Also, if you're not working, you have time to volunteer! Obviously geting some income would come first, but volunteer work can be a great way to meet new people. It is also rewarding in it's own right.

[LoveLisa]

Thanks all for advice. I really am not looking to get into a serious relationship at this point. I would like to just go out for drinks to a movie or a park, even just a coffee, or just even be able to go have drinks with a group of people. Before I got married the majority of my friends were men, I just get along better with them than women. My female friends always seem to screw me over. I know my self esteem at this point has been damaged and I am trying to rebuild that, but it is kinda hard when i spend all day every day looking for a job to no avail. and all evening every night sitting alone. I was all alone Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and NY's Eve too, it really hit me hard. I will check out that meetup site and see what I can find there. I have googled everything I could think of to find some groups locally, but all that comes up is a group of young Mommies that get their babies together for play time. I haven't been to church in about 10 years, but I do know that my church does not allow woman to wear pants to church. They are very clear about that,it is wrong to me and one of the reason why I don't go anymore. Thanks so much to those who made suggestions, I willwork on those things. If anyone has any other suggestions please keep them coming. I don't want to sit and dwell over my ex. I need to get on with life. Thanks!
I just looked up the meetup site, only 2 groups within 50 miles, the Mommy group I mentioned and Young Republicans and I will just say I have completely different views than they do and hate talking politics.

[Luca]

I think female friends (or male too I guess), are very important. When I move to a new area by myself I always seek out friends prior to dating. Who else are you going to complain about your partner to? (Just kidding).

But...when I was a girl my mom told me to always have at least 2 close female friends. She pointed out that men can leave or cheat, and tend to die earlier, but that your female friends can be there for you for life.

[vashti]

Why don't you start your own meetup group? I am thinking about joining one for hiking.

And BTW - you really ned to work on your relationships with women. Their personalities tend to improve with age and personal development.

[LoveLisa]

Luca, Thank you, I agree with you I definately need to find new female friends too. I thought that I had 2 great friends and I miss both of them very much. You would think at their age they would have grown up and not turned out to be selfish bitches. I know I shouldn't miss my friend that cheated with my husband but I do. I Loved her like a sister, we got along so good. We went to their house almost every weekend for get togethers, that's why we didn't go out to bars and clubs. My other friend was my maid of Honor and had been my Best friend for 6 years and when I confided in her what was going on with other BF and my hub. she madeup all kinds of sh** about my hub because she had just gotten divorced and wanted me divorced. I later found out it wasn't true (after I divorced him) she moved and started trying to get my hub to come visit her, even though through our whole marriage she claimed she didn't like him. I haven't spoken to her in 17 months. When do they finally grow up? Age 60? We should start a thread on who has been screwed overworse by a supposed BFF! Anyone know how I feel?
I had this problem with most of the women I tried to become friends with, they would hang on my husband and say inappropiate things to him. He's like this woman magnet because he is so charming. I didn't have this problem with my male friends, they were always loyal. Men seem to make better friends for me. Plus I like guy stuff, baseball, hot rods, drag races, fishing, golf. I find it hard to relate to knitting, daytime TV and shopping at the mall, UGH!
I think a major problem with finding friends at my age too is that when women move that don't work they become friends with their kids friends moms or woman they meet at their kids school or sports. I don't have that option, I know alot of women and they talk about their kids and I have nothing to add. We say Hi if we see each other at a store or something but that's all, they are friends with other Moms. they are too busy with school and sports activities. I
Vashti I will continue to seek out groups and see what I can do, hiking would be awesome, I wish I lived in an area that we could do that, we don't even have hills! Good luck with getting your group together too. Thanks for suggestions.

[vashti]

I find it hard to relate to knitting, daytime TV and shopping at the mall, UGH!
.

Well, no wonder you don't have many female friends, if you think this is what women are like. I mean, sure - there are plenty of them like this, but certainly not all.

How old are you, and why have you not put yourself in a position to hang around women who are more interesting?

And about your skanky friends, well I think that even the knitting and soap opera type would be prefereable. I think it is interesting that you choose to dislike women (rather than men) when your husband was a participant, too.

[LoveLisa]

It's not that I sided with my husband and not my friend. he admitted to it and she continued to lie to my face. Usually it's your friend who admits it too you and the guy who keeps lying, not in this case. She denied it all, and said she didn't believe that my husband had told me that. I tried to talk to her several times about it and she just kept denying it. So, I stopped talking to her. I miss her because we got along so well. I forgave both of them and wanted to work on my marriage, but I couldn't be friends with herif she was going to continue to lie to me and she kept calling him even after I confronted her. I wouldn't call her skanky, she is very well to do, lives in the most expensive neighborhood here, hangs out at the country club, etc. That's why we hung out at their house because everything you could want was there, the pool, hot tub, pool table, etc. My other friend was miss church goer, sang in the chior, volunteered all the time and then she got divorced and decided it was time to party! I thought I had decent friends. I have had one or two female friends every place I have lived. And alot of woman that I just have casual conversation with but I can't get past that. I've tried to become friends with other woman and I just don't have anything to say to them. They would talk about shopping, playing tennis, kids ballet practices, handbags, shoes and jewelry. I would find myself wanting to go out to the garage where my husband and the guys were hanging out talking about races, cars, fishing stories and telling jokes. I'm sue that there are lots of cool women out there, but I was a stay at home wife and only was around other stay at home wives that my husband's friends introduced me too. I wasn't really allowed to do anything else. Stay at home wives usually either bury themselves in their children's lives, the country club, shopping or TV.
So, I guess I don't only need to find a man friend, I need to find some new fun female friends too. How do I go about doing that?

[shheadz]

Do you have any family you can move back with, or closer to?

[LoveLisa]

Do you have any family you can move back with, or closer to?

No family members near. Was sharing apartment with my sister and her husband before I came back here, but her husband got laid off right after I left and now they live with her Dad and step-mom. (We have different Dad's) I made the decision to come back here and give my ex another chance, so I have to pay for my actions. I don't have a way to get back there and no one to help me. Times are tough for everyone right now, I've got to take care of myself, just because I WAS a housewife and that was my life plan doesn't give me any special rights to expect other people to take care of me, they have their own lives and stress right now. I just really need some time in my day or night that I am not overloaded with worry. But I spend all day completely alone, there is nothing to take my mind off my situation even for a moment. I can't even go for a drive because I can't afford the gas. I worry about gas even when I drive to the store. And I don't know how to be anything other than a dotting wife and honestly don't want to be anything else.
You're a guy,right? are you single? (Not asking u out) If you are, how do you meet women and would you date a woman that had lost everything? Because I know that women wouldn't date me if I was a guy!!

[MVPlaya]

Why don't you make the move?

[LoveLisa]

Why don't you make the move?

No Money Playa!! There's no jobs there either, my sister's husband got laid off and her hours got cut down to 8 a week. They live in a town of 1000 people that doesn't even have a WalMart!! Not a whole lot of social opportunity there either LOL!! I'm stuck here, gotta figure out how to work it out here. Thanks for commenting!!