stress

[DarkHelmet82]

ok so it seems like my girlfriend cannot handle stress very well. How do i approach this without sounding needy or insecure. She gets very distant and quiet and it makes things very uncomfortable. For example we were hanging out last night and things were going great and then two hours later she said she wanted to go to sleep (she did indicate that she was tired.) Normally we smoke a cigarette before I leave or before she does. She said "Im good on that." Walked me to the door and gave me a hug. The hug I can kind of explained as her parents were home and she feels that its inappropriate to kiss in front of them (even though they were in the other room.) I agree that it is inappropriate as well. She is 23.

My question is how do I handle these types of situations with her where she gets for lack of a better word weird. I want to be supportive, and I am not taking it personally, I just dont know what to do or say so i Exhibit confidence, yet show that I care about her. Thank you

[seganomics]

it seems like your putting significance on insignificant things. After two hours maybe she was just done hanging out, and for went the cigarette to get some alone time before bed.

if she lives with her parents maybe she doesn't get that a lot, and with finals and now a boyfriend she might just need time for herself.

In those cases... Make sure she's alright. Wish her luck in her stressful endeavors. Tell her she can call if she needs to, and be on your way.

[DarkHelmet82]

well that was just an example... a bad one at that.. but i see your point. thanks

[seganomics]

so what other examples have you noticed?

[DarkHelmet82]

Ive just noticed when she gets stressed out she gets really quiet and somewhat distant. It just makes it uncomfrtable because I dont know what to say more than I already have. For example the other day when she left without saying anything, and then apologized later because she was stressed. It almost seems like she is taking it out on me in her own way. I dont care about that.. I just want to be there for her and make sure shes OK without sounding weak, paranoid, or self conscious.

[star_nugget]

just be supportive. tell her you're there for her and try and be understanding. people do weird things and act strangely when they're stressed.

when my boy-thing had a major stress load dumped on him out of nowhere and he was trying to cope, i handled it badly and did not give him the support he needed. even though he would talk to me about it sometimes, i was stubborn and did not recognize my behavior. now we're in the middle of taking a break!

[DarkHelmet82]

I am hoping once school is done she can relax a little.

[wolfie91]

I think you are probably overanalyzing this. People get stressed. Sometimes they show it. Remove yourself from the equation, mentally. Her stress exists completely independently of you. Therefore, it isn't your responsibility to do anything about it. She will handle it or she won't, but you can react to it however you see fit.

[DarkHelmet82]

Well I like helping people.. i guess thats a strength and a weakness of mine.. but you are right.. her stress has nothing to do with me. Thanks