Im from DK, and new on this forum, seeked some place to get guidance etc. - So 1½ year back, I met this girl online, she lives 120 km's from me - we talked alot over phone, only text messages etc. - everyday, all day, and never any problems.. it was like finding what youve been looking for for your whole life, eventhough I never met her I was falling in love in her personality (and looks, boy oh boy :/)
So last summer, I borrowed my moms car and went to visit her, and we had a good evening, watched my favourite movie The Wall.. I didnt count on anything with her, she is a gorgeous girl, a year younger than me, perfect body and so beautiful eyes - and me, well long haired, beared, tall and pretty heavy dude, so I thought she didnt wanted to talk to me after she saw me in real life.
Guess I was wrong, she wrote to me on her vacation that she was inlove with me, etc. I visited her again for a couple of days, and she came down to me for like 4 days (I had house and a car for myself, since my parents was on vacation) - and she made sure we were a couple from that day on.
Things went good - given the fact that we only been together for a week, she jumped on me at her moms place, and I gave my virginity to her (I was 18), though she wasnt a virgin, having some troubled boyfriends before she regretted, a week later she called me telling me she loved me, and I believed her since she was crying and all.. Things looked really good, she was "perfect".. soo pretty, and a personality to fall in love with
But, shes been at a .. dunno what you call it in english, but a school long from home, with other youngsters in same age etc. living there for a year, while we wrote together.. Those friends she lost when summer came, and it was back to normal, but she only had one friend at home, so she was pretty lonely.. Last fall, things went worse and worse. Having no friends, job or school, everything was poured onto me.. I accepted that, she just needed to start a new chapter of her life, and so on.. we argued a lot and things was not as it was the first 3 months of our relationship..
So she got on a temporary school for people who's stuck in their life, and got alot of new "bad" male friends, and ofcourse I got jealous of all these new guys in her life.. she couldnt understand that.. Things were going much better for her again, and she asked me, due to our bad period and my jealousi, how I thought things were going.
Not too good I said, but it was fixable, she said she couldnt see the light at the end of the tunnel, but would think it over.. and the night after she called and cried, apologizing and all, all hysterical. And things really got better christmas over.. we had incredible sex, though some minor jealousi problems of mine (I found out she had slept in same bed with one of her new malefriends at a party, eventhough I asked her if she had anywhere to sleep, and she said she was ok) and the day after she tells me.. she could understand I was upset.
But I was still jealous as these guys, eventhough they all had girlfriends.. but I was getting better at working with it.
So a great holiday.. the weekend after, she said that she didnt wanted to move up here anyways, eventhough she said she wanted too, and all.. so that was a slap in the face.. So she tried breaking up with me in the weekend, but I was crying, she was crying and all.. so she said sorry she tried, and evertyhing was going to be OK, and we could make it, we had make up sex and I really thought everything was going great from now on..
So this tuesday she called and said it was over.. we weren't meant to be, and didnt belong together.
I got upset ofcourse, and couldnt help writing her messages, but she was cold as ice, didnt answer after a few messages.. last night, after another messages of mine saying how she ruined me, how I love her and so on.. she wrote things like.. "Get yourself together.. its over.. stop being pathetic" - "I really did LOVE you", (What!? Like you just stop loving someone, you stupid *****!) but also a message (the last she sent) telling me how a great guy I was and I should find the perfect match someday for sure.. It tore me apart, how could she be like this?! Was it all just a big lie, all the crying and I love you so much.. she told me how much she loved me several times a day.. I gave my life to this *****, despite my and her age (19 and 17, yes I know.. so young) - last night I deleted and tore down everything that has the smallest thing to do with her, phonenumbers, everything.. I feel I was just a thing to fill out the huge gap in her life until she met new friends.. Now Im just a wreckage.
Fourtanely I have a really great female friend who is with me every step of this, supporting and backing me off as much as she can.. But how could my ex be so cruel? I feel so betrayed and useless! And Im almost pukeing just by the thought of her being together with someone else, u know.. I still love her, but.. life is just shit right now.