Love, friendship and semantics......

[heixing]

Somehow I think this post isn't going to help. But it's worth a try.
Basically, I'm having stronger feelings for a girl that has become a good friend over the past three or so months. She is completely unreadable as far as whether she's interested in me. I've pretty much given up on trying to figure her out. We do hang out a lot and go out to dinner all the time, take walks in the park etc. etc. and yet I get no vibe of romantic interest. She's odd like that.
I've decided that I want to tell her how I feel anyway and risk the friendship because I can't just keep holding it in.
The real problem is that I very much value our friendship as it is, and I don't want it to change. But at the same time, I want something more. There is this huge contradiction within me and I can't decide what to do. I don't want to play the relationship game, and I don't even want her as a bone fide girlfriend. I simply feel closer to her than before and I want her to know that. But how do I tell her this or even get her to understand what I mean. Hell, I'm not even sure what I mean.
Do I want to have my cake and eat it too? How can two people go on being friends, yet become more?
And finally why isn't there a word in the english language for this type of relationship. That would help enormously. You know, more than friends, less than a typical couple (though in many ways I feel we're already closer than most couples), and don't anyone dare say "fvck-buddy". I hate that term with a passion. That's not even close to what I'm talking about.
So what's the prognosis?

[Tone]

Well let's examine the choices here.

A.) You decide you want to try to take things to that next level. You turn up your game a bit and put it all on the line. She's either going to match your interest, or kindly decline. If she IS interested in you like that, then mission accomplished - you got your girl. If not, then well, it sucks - you might lose a friend to ackwardness (depending on how the two of you can handle it) but you have the peace of mind knowing that you two aren't just meant to be. You can "move on" knowing you gave it your very best, you tried, it just wasn't meant to be.

B.) You decide your friendship is worth more than a possible romantic relationship, so you attempt to put your feelings away. You guys fall into the permanent friend zone and you have to sit back and listen to her talk of all the other guys she's dating/interested in and in the back of your mind curse them while wishing you were in their shoes. Every girl that potentially is interested in you, you shun because she cannot possibly compare to "her".

So the choice is yours. Is it worth it to just remain her friend, if behind your fake smiles your soul is on fire for her, longing to just hold her, yearnin to be closer to her? What kind of friendship is that?

You're the man, it's possible she's just been waiting for you to make that next move. But it's hard to judge, being as all I know of the two of you is what you wrote in that paragraph. Just throwin it out there.

Good luck.

[clynn]

Tone summed it up very well.

I think either you say something OR you don't. But chances are your relationship is not going to stay just as it is whether you say something or not. My opinion is that you're better off saying something.

[Lloyd95]

I think either you say something OR you don't.

Great answer!

Direct, decisive, to the point, no beating around the bush, no sugar coating...

[indigosoul]

How can two people go on being friends, yet become more?
And finally why isn't there a word in the english language for this type of relationship. That would help enormously.

OK, so you've decided to tell her. Awesome. Tone's post would apply.

Guess I'll try to answer the "semantics" part, then. How do ppl continue being friends while being more? You do all the same things you did as friends: have fun, communicate, share ideas and experiences. But when you LOVE that person, in addition to being their friend, you help them GROW. Help them to become the best person they can be, and in so doing, you grow yourself. And they help you in return. You BECOME with such a partner. And ppl who are friends and beccome lovers have the best chance of making this happen, IMO, b/c the basic elements of trust, compatibility, respect, common values and goals are already in place. Doesn't matter what you call it.

Enjoy the ride.

[King_For_A_DAy]

And by helping them grow, what all exactly is meant?

[clynn]

and I don't even want her as a bone fide girlfriend.

And...

if you go telling her, hey I'm interested in more, but not in being your boyfriend or anything.....she may think (hmm....he likes me, but not THAT much? He likes me but doesn't want anything serious? He likes me BUT only for fun and sex? ) So be careful about saying you don't want her to be your girlfriend, if in fact you do and you're just saying that to protect your own precious heart.

[heixing]

And...

if you go telling her, hey I'm interested in more, but not in being your boyfriend or anything.....she may think (hmm....he likes me, but not THAT much? He likes me but doesn't want anything serious? He likes me BUT only for fun and sex? ) So be careful about saying you don't want her to be your girlfriend, if in fact you do and you're just saying that to protect your own precious heart.

Normally I would agree, but she's the kind of girl who would feel the same way. And I wouldn't say it in those words anyway.

[indigosoul]

And by helping them grow, what all exactly is meant?

Well, it will depend on the individuals involved. But I think one of the most powerful areas has to do with learning to _really_ see oneself as you are, strengths and faults, and having a partner who will help you to realize the whats and whys of those. A loving mirror, so to speak. A really good relationship will have partners who are aware enough of themselves, and each other, to be able to help provide such "paths to growth" in those areas. Its similar to "self discovery", except that you do this together, with and for the other, rather than alone.

[King_For_A_DAy]

Well, it will depend on the individuals involved. But I think one of the most powerful areas has to do with learning to _really_ see oneself as you are, strengths and faults, and having a partner who will help you to realize the whats and whys of those. A loving mirror, so to speak. A really good relationship will have partners who are aware enough of themselves, and each other, to be able to help provide such "paths to growth" in those areas. Its similar to "self discovery", except that you do this together, with and for the other, rather than alone.

Ah, alright, I see what you're talking about. I'm pretty sure I have something like that going on/starting.