very difficult situation...help

[Dannylarish]

So here's the deal. I've been dating my gf for almost a year including a short period when she needed to time to think. I have a beautiful 3 year old daughter and my gf is also a student. She's a little younger than me and has less experience dealing w real world problems. She wasn't sure she was ready to b w someone who has a child. I think she's worried about limited career opportunities due to the fact I have a daughter. Our personal relationship is unbelievable. We connect in every way imaginable and share almost all the same values. She grew up in a very traditional home. Finish college, get married, have kids sort of thing. Me...not so much. I understand her reservations but I feel like I'm a little more mature than her in the love department. I believe when u truly love someone u gladly make sacrifices to b w that person. Through thick and thin...no matter what. I'm just worried I guess...she told me she wants nothing more than to be w me but wants to take it one day at a time...my daughter has been w her mother for a little while but she's coming home soon. I don't want confuse my little girl...any advice?

[girl68]

Your relationship with your daughter and your relationship with your girl should remain separate for as long as possible. Your kid needs a father, she doesn't need a lady who can't decide if she wants to be a mommy or not a mommy. But I can also understand the perspective of your gf.

Maybe you need to ask your gf to make a decision. It's for your good too. "One day at a time" might not work for you and your family- you need stability.

[Dannylarish]

thanks for the advice. my daughter is my number one priority. It just sucks that everything else is so great. The one day at a time thing isn't going to work. I'm ready to settle down and start another phase in life. Thanks again

[girl68]

Ask her to take some space and think about it. Going to school and playing step mom might be too much for any young girl... how old is your gf?

[Dannylarish]

She's 23, its one of those things I wish she had mentioned along time ago...

[dewilliams2]

Well truly you would be asking a lot of her...I mean you do bring some pretty heavy baggage with you.

As you said she is younger than you and you have to let her experience life as well...you can't expect her to skip over everything to catch up with you...love is about sacrificing for the other person...but you can't expect her to do all the sacrificing....which I'm not saying you have.

But you must understand that she isn't deciding on just you...she is deciding on you, your little girl, and the little girls mother being in her life for a long time.

[manhood]

I've been in the same situation like you. I had a 9 months relation with this beautyfull 22 year old girl and I've got a 8 year old daughter of a previous relation.
All went well, and my gf wanted to meet my kid badly. So after 8 months I introduced my girly to my gf, and I thought all went well.
But last january my gf broke up with me, without giving a good reason.

I guess my ex gf wasn't ready to commit herself to a real relation with me and my daughter. I'm trying to win my ex gf back, but she is seeing someone else now..so that's hard.
The best thing you can do is talk a lot with your gf about your relation and if she wants too meet your daugher.
And let her actually meet your daughter, otherwise you are months further and don't know what your up too. If it doesn't work out, it's sad, but your daughter is very young she probally will forget about your gf

good luck

[Dannylarish]

She has already met my daughter and spent a decent amount of time with her. after our previous break we spent a lot of time talking about the future and what her role would be in my daughters life. i explained i would never expect her to go beyond her comfort zone and that i will never stand in her way if theres something in life she wants to pursue. i spent a lot of time asking questions and deciding if i thought she was truly ready. i took her back because over a period of about a month she reassured me everyday that she was ready and excited to start a life together...daughter included. ive done everything i possibly can to let her know i wont stand in her way...im very understanding about helping her adjust...and i cant and wont hold it against her if she decides she cant handle it. but after a while the guessing game gets overwhelming. most of us have spent time in dead end relationships trying over and over to make things work, and sometimes it doesnt. just wanna make sure i never do that again...way to exhausting. but thanks to everyone for the advice. sometimes it takes hearing it from someone else even though you already know.

[Sonrisa]

I
But last january my gf broke up with me, without giving a good reason.

I guess my ex gf wasn't ready to commit herself to a real relation with me and my daughter. I'm trying to win my ex gf back, but she is seeing someone else now..so that's hard.
The best thing you can do is talk a lot with your gf about your relation and if she wants too meet your daugher.
And let her actually meet your daughter, otherwise you are months further and don't know what your up too. If it doesn't work out, it's sad, but your daughter is very young she probally will forget about your gf

good luck

Ughm, there's always a reason.