No Contact?? What's the Deal Ladies?

[Norcrosskid]

Hello Ladies!

My girl and I broke up about two weeks ago. It was more her decision than mine. I let her think it was kinda mutual though. We hit a rough patch and the reality is that I wanted to work things out but she said she needed time to get her act together. We’d been together for about a year and a half with the usual ups and downs. About a week after the break she emailed me looking for some stuff back. And I mean minor stuff that wasn’t even valuable.

She owes me some cash too but it means nothing to me so I didn’t even look for it. I ignored her message as I’m trying to keep to no contact and see what happens. Besides I’d already returned all of her stuff except for something I was still using to her friend and her friend had told her that. I’m thinking of just dropping the one thing I still have outside her house with a note basically saying Thanks and Be Well. I was told that she cried to her friend that I hadn’t contacted her since the break. Her friend said what do you expect, you broke up with him. He wanted to be your boyfriend not your friend.

So she texted me again 3 nights ago saying hey and asking if I was going to keep ignoring her forever. I still haven’t responded to that. Is it too late to see where she’s at or should I just ignore her more? I'm not sure what her intentions are here. Is she testing me to see if she still has me or is she genuinely missing me and reaching out. What do you think??

I’m not trying to drive her crazy but I don’t want to cave in here. She treated me kinda badly at times during our time together – dismissive, disrespectful, unappreciative. Even her friends have described her as a narcissist. Basically I did all the giving. But she is still more sweet than sour. She just has a lot on her plate and she’s not dating anyone else. She doesn’t go out at all.

I miss her like crazy and wish we could work this out. I just don’t know if I’ve waited too long now. If I respond what should I say? Or should I keep to the silent routine and just drop off the item? If so, with or without the note? We have a lot of mutual friends in common, so I will see her again. Let’s hear it. What do you think?

[Cbrider]

Hummmm, interesting situation and props to you for maintaining composure and the upper hand here by being mature about it.

In all honestly, if she was:

"....dismissive, disrespectful, unappreciative. Even her friends have described her as a narcissist."

Why are you still interested? I mean I understand time together will draw you towards her no matter what, but have you thought about this? There's plenty of women in this world who would never intentionally do any of the above. Yeah, people make mistakes and do things out of emotion, but the way you said it set it up as a pattern more than a random event.

Also, it seems like her friends are neutral or possibly siding with you, that is a BAD sign when you consider her.

[buldozed]

remember the push/pull theory...if she's reaching out to you, she in effect is trying to pull you back for some reason...either for her to know you're still there, available or she perhaps she realizes the error of her ways....when she pulls, you can respond back but do so in a "push" manner....keep the comments short and simple and NEVER ask her about the two of you....maintain your coolness. This will show her that you've moved on and perhaps she'll realize what a mistake she made....never pull her, it comes acrossed as needy, and will frankly push her away.....play it cool dude...if you really want her back, it can happen....NC for the first 4 wks is optimum unless of course she initiates the contact. Sounds like she has...

[Norcrosskid]

Thanks guys. WOW - 2 different pieces of advice there. LOL

I know she's been under a lot of stress - she was going through a divorce - now granted - when we started dating and she has a precocious 4 year old to deal with as well to whom i actually became attached to. So i got that she was under a lot of pressure which she sometimes took out on me. Her best friend warned me about her and told me more than once to leave her. I know there are other fish in the sea and i'm a good looking guy and all. Its just that i hoped for a future there as there is a very strong attraction to each other on a base level. Maybe it's not meant to be. Time will tell.

In the meantime what do you all think I should do about responding to her? It's been 4 days now since I last heard from her. I was thinking of responding by saying, that I haven't been ignoring you I've just been busy. Telling her that her book is at her friends and take care. Call me if you want to talk. This is childish I know. I mean she wants a book back??? I think she's being just a little immature here and trying to get a reaction out of me. I want to put the ball back in her court in order to see what her intent really is before i respond further.

[Cbrider]

If she wants to be with you, nothing will stand between her and what she wants. Leave her be and move on - what happens now is her decision.

[Graham Berkeley]

I would be direct but unobtainable. Call her ask her how she is doing and sound like you are in a hurry to get somewhere. Stay up beat though and keep the conversation short saying you are a bit busy. When she asks with what just keep it simple; "I'm going out with some friends". If she asks you why you are ignoring her just say "Didn't realize I was ignoring you. I'm busy with things these days."

Above all else avoid an emotional situation and dont apologize for anything including ignoring her. Stay nice and upbeat. Keep it simple.