His ex won't get lost

[kelly700]

Hi
been going out with my bf now for 18 months. he finished with his ex about three and a half years ago now but she keeps contacting him, chatting, sending him cards and its getting very upsetting. its not like she comes to see him all the time. but when she does return home from uni i know they spend time together, i even found out the last time she came home they discussed their break up.

recently she sent him a card wishing him good look in this new business he is setting up, telling him how amazing he was. my bf has the card out on a shelf.

question is, do i say it upsets me to know she still contacts him, or do i just leave it and hope for the best. every time i think she has stopped, something happens and i find out she's called, text, emailed, wrote to him or they have met up.

[Cain]

Whether you want to believe it or not, some people do remain friends when they break up.

Unless he's crossing some kind of line, you need to learn to let it go.

[kelly700]

thanks for the reply.
i know some people remain friends (where i'm originally from one half normally ends up beaten up lol ) and keep in touch. i just have this constant worry that when she finishes uni and comes back she's going to try and get him back. i told myself i'd never fight over a man, but right now i could strangle her. i mean i suppose he has had countless oppotunitys to dump me and go back to her and he hasn't, so i have that hope.

[Cain]

Has he given you any reason to doubt his honesty and commitment to you? If he hasn't, you're just being really insecure right now. It's unhealthy.

He's with you. If he wanted to be back with her, he'd have left you for her. This is a slippery slope because if you don't trust him with her, you'll eventually start to lose trust in him with being around any other women at all.

[kelly700]

not really if i'm honest. the one time i doubted his honesty and commitment was when he went for a job interview about 5 months after we started going out. it was about an hour away in the same city his ex is at uni in and he stayed with her over night and didn't tell me. only found out because i realised what he meant when he said "i'm staying with a friend". he said he slept on the sofa and her bf was there (think she is single now)

[Cain]

He didn't lie to you. He just didn't tell you who the friend was. So, unless you asked him who, he didn't lie. You have every right to be uncomfortable with him staying the night at any woman's house though. I know I'd be uncomfortable in that situation.

Unless she starts trying to push her way between the two of you, I don't see this as a problem. However, if you really can't get over it, you should talk to him. If he wants you more than anyone else, he'll be willing to cut ties with loose ends to save it.

[kelly700]

thank you.
i think i will talk to him if its gets to that. suppose it was just a card, it just tugged at the old heart strings.