Should I move in with my boyfriend?

[Drkprincess]

My bf wants to move in together. We've been together for two years, but I want to wait untill I'm married to move in with a man. He says it's definitely in the cards for us, just not right now, and that he wants to live together first. I really want to live with him I love him more than anything but I'm terrified he will get too comfortable and never ask me to marry him. But he believes you should live together first so you can really get to know the person before you get married because of how much of a commitment it is. I have no moral or religious values against living together before marriage as he took my virginity a year ago, I simply am just scared he will wonder why he has to marry me when we already live together. But part of me believes he's got a point and it makes a lot of sense. But then the other part believes he won't marry me if we do. I've seen this happen to a couple of friends of mine. They're been with their partners for years and still don't have a ring. But then I seen friends live together six months and then get married.


I told him if I went ahead and moved in with him then I would expect a ring in the near future. Is that wrong of me? My friends Re saying that two yrs is too short to be thinking of marriage.

A I being rediculous on the subject?

[LifeInflux]

Two years isn't too short for marriage. I would move in with him for the short term, as it is good to be able to see if you'll be able to handle that situation prior to any marital and/or legally binding arrangement.

Make it a point to bring it up when its time to renew the lease. You have a choice to renew the lease on the apartment and the relationship if you feel it isn't going where you want it to... make sure he knows clearly how you feel after the first year is up.

[BlueMoonSal]

He says it's definitely in the cards for us, just not right now, and that he wants to live together first.

I'm very skeptical with those lines. I would never move in with a man that doesn't know when he sees himself getting marry and is only moving in as in ''Oh I don't know where this is heading but let's try it''. Listen to your gut instinct.

But he believes you should live together first so you can really get to know the person before you get married because of how much of a commitment it is.

No, you don't. If you love the person, you marry them not do ''trial periods leading nowhere''.

I'm also not a virgin and an atheist but I strongly believe in getting engaged along with the wedding invitations passed out before moving in with a man. Why is he in such a rush to move in anyway? OP if you really want to move in with him, do not stay for 1 year but only 3-6 months. Again, OP listen to your gut instinct. If you're having second thoughts about it then it's for a good reason and most of the times it's right.

IMO, I hate to bring you bad news but you'll going to waste your youth by moving in while your bf gets all he wants easily without you making him work for it (an engagement that is). Ever heard of the saying ''No pain, no gain''?

[j-white]

Tell him that by moving in he's agreeing to pre-engagement agreement.
Get a 6 or 12 month tenancy agreement and tell him he has until the end of that contract to propose.
No proposal, no tenancy renewal

When I read this back it sounds like such an unromantic man solution!!

[michelle23]

I believe you have to live together for at least 18months before marriage. The first year living together is the hardest. Its the only way to figure out if you really are compatable.

I wouldnt pressurize marriage. Another year or two waiting for a ring is really not a big deal. He has to do it of his own free will though-not coz your threatening to leave if he doesnt

hun living together is major committment. Marriage doesnt mean your any more or any less committed to each other. Plus you gotta be sure your marrying the right guy

take your time many people who marry fast or v young later regret it. If i were you id forget marriage for now, move in and see who you feel in a years time. If your not happy then-you can pack your stuff and leave

good luck

[TablesandChairs]

Where I'm from, people very rarely getting married before living together first; it's actually unheard of. Wouldn't you want to be sure before marriage too? I mean, do you want to get hitched, then move in together, find out a year down the track that it's awful and end up a divorcee? Or worse, a divorcee and single parent?

Taking your time now will save you a lot of time in the long-run.

[basilandthyme]

Two years can be short or OK - it depends on your age and dating experience. If you're 21, then you have limited experience in relationships and it's not nearly long enough to get to know a guy. If you're 40 and have had numerous relationships and have learned through experience what you want from a relationship, then it's not bad at all.

I used to know a girl who wanted commitment before moving in with a guy. Twice she got to the stage of being engaged before moving in. One engagement ended and the other ended in divorce. Thing is, her approach was effectively pushing a guy into making a commitment before he was ready.

Anyway, the most important decision to consider if you want marriage down the track is "is marriage important to him?". If it is, then he's likely to propose later on. If marriage isn't important to him - then you're likely with the wrong guy anyway.

[namemyname]

Girl, the guy waited a year to have sex with you.

You can wait a year for a ring.

[4 ratties]

Well I moved in with my bf and were not married yet and I don't regret it.. I would do it.. You really should see if u can live together before u get married

[Maple1714]

I've lived with 3 boyfriends now...no marriage. I broke up with all of them. Every time we moved in together bc of financial reasons.

Honestly, looking back I wish I had lived alone or with a roommate instead of whoever was my boyfriend at the time. Yeah, I did realize I didn't want to marry or be with them anymore, but I could have figured that out without living together. When you seriously date someone you end up spending most nights together anyway, so that to me is enough to determine if you want to marry the person. Why do you want to get married so much anyway? Living with a BF is pretty much like being married anyway... It really is.

I saw do not live with him. Live alone or with a friend and date for a whole longer. Move in once you're engaged.

[Starnique]

If you not ready to then don't do it. The fact is that most of time things does change when you move in together. I am with Maple. I personally wouldn't do it until I was ready or engaged. I only lived with one guy and that was my Ex We wasn't married but it was like I was his wife. I had that same role. Cooking and washing his clothes and he was getting all this good loving and all the benefits of a wife without putting a ring on it. With a woman in the house it's warm and have the womanly vibe and at that the time I didn't mind but now I wouldn't do that. As Maple said, you see them all the time anyway so why rush to move in. It's not about making your BF happy about this situation. If you don't want to move in with him then don't.

[BlueMoonSal]

Move in once you're engaged.

This... Supposedly you already have sex when dating a bf and spend some time together on certain days, why the need to move in?
Sorry but the OP's bf doesn't seem promising at all. The phrases ''But we have to live together to see what's it like, then I can decide but don't worry I see marriage too'' many men use to lure us into moving in are really nothing but known pick-up lines to confuse us into thinking moving in is one step towards marriage when it's not. In reality what the man is trying to say is ''Let's move in so you can give me more free sex and get everything I want while I don't get to commit to you''.

Sorry but I ain't falling for that. With me, if a man wants to date and continue being my bf then he can do that without moving in. That's why there is dating.

[SqueamishPuppet]

Wow, you women are harsh. I think moving in together really does help get to know somebody. I lived with my GF and it was hard at first but we got though it. The reason we didn't get married is exactly the reason some of you have said I was pressured and couldn't tell if it was me wanting it or her pressuring me. I feel I wouldn't have waited as long and she wouldn't have left me. But she also has some personal issues that need fixed for any of her relationships to work.

I say move in with the guy and don't pressure him for marriage right away. Wait a year or so and if he hasn't by then start asking him or leave. if a girl gave me a contract like one person said I would be out. That's just plain delicious! That would make me feel like you just wanted marriage and not me. And that is how I felt at times in my own relationship. So I waited till my heart said so and it was a little to late. She moved on and didn't tell me till we were really talking about getting married.




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[TablesandChairs]

So, when you're married, you won't mind all the free sex and cooking and cleaning you have to do for him?

Err. When you live together, you find out what kind of man you might be marrying - you find out what 'forever' will look like. Will you forever have to be a house slave? Will you forever have to have sex when he wants it and how he wants?

You'd rather him put a ring on it and then have to do all the above forever? I got engaged because the man I lived with treated me amazingly well, not because he I needed a ring.

[SqueamishPuppet]

Some peoples views of marriage are just jacked! "Free sex and cleaning" I mean come on you act like you don't enjoy sex or need to clean up things every once in awhile. I guess I'm not a caveman and expect a woman to do everything for me while I earn money. I believe in splitting up the work. I like to cook so I don't mind that and cleaning is just something you can't get away from. But it should be shared between the man and the woman especially if you both work. If she is home all day doing nothing while your at work, yeah she would be lazy not to pick up the house while your gone. The "free sex" thing boggles my mind too. Are the guys you with animals and just try any chance they see fit. I mean I like sex as much as the next man but I don't feel like a woman should feel she is giving up her body for "free". It's because you love them and feel a connection through sex.