I need some real advice, can you help me?

[IK0N]

Hello,

This is my first post in this forum so I'll say a little bit about my self before start talking about my problem. I'm a 18yr old student from Canada, a web designer/developer and I'm currently in progress finishing my studies and getting my degree in Graphic Design. Lately I've lost couple of people in my life (R.I.P to those fallen souls) and I have decent friends who are there for me when I need them. But in this love situation which I'm having right now, it wasn't much help their support even though I'm grateful to their help so far. Lately I don't even know what to do about it so I thought I'd post about it in here and see if anyone else can point out some good advice. So lets get to it, shall we?

So obviously, I'm kinda liking this girl who's been a friend of mine for few years. This is not my first crush or the first time I'm falling in love. In the past I had 2 'ex' girlfriends and with each one of them the relationship lasted a good ~ 2 years. I'm not being cocky or conceited but I think I learned a lot from my experience, corrected my mistake and feel that my self today is stronger than before. Here comes my problem and I've tried almost everything but it doesn't seem to be moving any better.

The girl that I like is really nice, she's understanding, she's easy-going and always put a smile on her face. Just about a month ago she liked this guy and when she told him he turned her down and she is still in a shock/heart-broken from it. Since we are both good friends she tells me everything and when that happened I always kept her comfort and tried everything I can to keep her smile. Whenever she feels down again she calls me up and talks to me. Now without knowing I started to develop feelings for her inside of me and right now I don't even know how I can handle it. At the moment she's still hooked on to the guy that turned her down but what she doesn't realize is that there are other people. I'm not saying what she's doing is a bad thing and I understand that it can take some time till she moves on. But this has been going on and on for over a month now. I don't know if I should tell her how I feel, but then again I don't want to tell her because there's a part of her is pretty weird. There was one 2 guys liked her and when they told her how they feel she excluded them from her friends side. You see, I don't want to end up telling her how I feel and if she doesn't like me, I don't want to lose her as a friend too.

Now she still asks me if I can do anything for her to make that other guy talk with her. I do help out, I try as much as I can because when she's happy I feel happy. But then again as they say if you love someone you gotta learn to let it go. Thing is she's not with him, and I also think that if she was with me I can treat her better than him. Everyone tells me that. It's just that making her realize that I kinda like her is pretty hard and at the same time the scare of losing her as a friend is another problem. She always told me that she would want someone like me that kind and such and she told me that one day I will find another girl that would suit me. When she told me that I always think to my self ("I wish I can be that person instead of you wanting someone like me"). Another thing is that, whenever I ask her out we go out but it doesn't pass being just friends.

See how the situation is? I'm sure there are more complicated ones but right now this one is really messing with my brain. I'm at the point where I'm thinking should I forget about her?

Please someone, give me some advice. What can I do?

Thank you!

[Anomaly]

Well, it seems that you guys have been friends for a good long time. And telling her that you have feelings, might scare her away or mess up your good friendship. But then again, if you have been friends for so long, she might also understand. That is a tough situation, because I'm kind of in the same kind of fix, except I already told her how I feel about her. And it did kind of push her away, so I had to give her a month to think about it and soak it all in. But the thing is, that I care about her so much, and I also think that I love her, but right now I told her that as long as we are friends I will be happy, and she has accepted that. I would love to be more than friends, but I'm just happy that I didn't mess things up for good. This is much better than nothing, and I just cherish our friendship, and I always will, no matter what happens from this point on. You are also 10 years younger than me, so you have absolutely no reason to rush anything.

So maybe you are just better off keeping your feelings to yourself and see how it goes for now. Maybe she will eventually realize that everything she needs is right in front of her face. But just be happy that she is in your life, and things just might eventually turn out the way that you wish they would. Being friends is not a bad thing at all, the longer that you stay just friends, the less chance there is of ruining a romantic relationship. And maybe she just needs more time to learn her own lessons and she will eventually come back to you. That's exactly what I'm hoping in my situation. I wish you the best of luck!

This might sound like shameless self promotion, but if you want, read my story that i posted here, it might help.

[url]http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/28074-have-you-ever-loved-someone-so-much.html[/url]

[IK0N]

Wow, I wish you posted your real name so I can thank you properly but I will say it that what you posted is by far the best advice I've had. It really makes me think how a friend ship and love should be handled. I guess your right, if your happy as a friend with her and think that if doing something more than might ruin the relationship it's better to keep the feelings in and just see how far things get. So as you said I will do that, hopefully one of these days she will realize it huh? I guess I'll wait and find out.

Thanks again, Anomaly. And I will take time and read your topic. Looks interesting and I'm sure it can help out more. Thanks!

[TheTooya]

Stop being a doormat, and be honest with yourself and her. Your obviously interested in being more than just friends, so stop playing the role of the friend!

"I don't want to lose her as a friend too." is an excuse.

[Anomaly]

Wow, I wish you posted your real name so I can thank you properly but I will say it that what you posted is by far the best advice I've had. It really makes me think how a friend ship and love should be handled. I guess your right, if your happy as a friend with her and think that if doing something more than might ruin the relationship it's better to keep the feelings in and just see how far things get. So as you said I will do that, hopefully one of these days she will realize it huh? I guess I'll wait and find out.

Thanks again, Anomaly. And I will take time and read your topic. Looks interesting and I'm sure it can help out more. Thanks!

It's no problem, I hope that things work out for you guys. sometimes being a friend is better because relationships tend to get really complicated. And the longer that you are friends, the stronger your relationship becomes, and after a while it will be even easier to tell her your true feelings. And who knows, maybe she will realize it first and tell you, and being a friend doesn't mean that you are a doormat. Blurting out your feelings might just complicate things and I know that from experience. Every situation is different, but you cant force her to have romantic feelings for you just by telling her that you like her. Maybe just send more subtle signs and let her develop feelings for you, just blurting them out wont help. Just be patient, and I wish you the best of luck!

[IK0N]

Hey, yeah your right about that. Right now I'm just trying to keep it cool and see how far it goes, and maybe as a friend I will get the change to get to know her a bit more huh? And also, lately I wrote like a small poem and small stories etc etc kinda related to my situation but doesn't really give "big clues", you think I should show it to her to see what she thinks of it?

[Anomaly]

hehe that sounds exactly like me, its like she brings out the best in me. I also wrote poems and stuff, but I wrote the letter to her and I finally got the nerve to send it, saying how I always want her to be my friend and she loved it. She wrote back and said that she was completely surprised by it. So don't flood her with everything at once, just gradually keep sending her better and better things. I'm saving my material and I'm just taking my time with it and see how things go. So maybe just send her one thing, but don't send her everything at once!

[IK0N]

Hey yeah, some things are still in progress of witting but yeah I might as well just send the poem or the letter first to see what she thinks. And might start talking to her a bit more and try to get to know her. Now, here's another thing... she always wanted to go to this place here and I was wondering if I should bring her, would it be too awkward? :S

[Babeejulss]

My cousin was in love with this girl for so long (he's 38 now). But it never worked out. Either she was with someone or he was with someone... But they remained really good friends. One day, their lives were finally aligned and they hooked up. This was like 3 yrs ago. Now they are happily married and have 2 kids. So it took them 15 years to actually realize that was who they wanted to be with. You never know how life is going to turn out. If your only meant to be friends... Then just be happy with the friendship you have.

[Anomaly]

Hey, I think that you should ask her if she still wants to go to that place, I don't think that would hurt at all. If she says no, just take that as an answer and don't to guilt trip her or try to find out why, I have done something that stupid before and it never helps! So just ask and take whatever answer she gives you!

My cousin was in love with this girl for so long (he's 38 now). But it never worked out. Either she was with someone or he was with someone... But they remained really good friends. One day, their lives were finally aligned and they hooked up. This was like 3 yrs ago. Now they are happily married and have 2 kids. So it took them 15 years to actually realize that was who they wanted to be with. You never know how life is going to turn out. If your only meant to be friends... Then just be happy with the friendship you have.

That is awesome! It gives us both so much hope! For me, I'm 30 and I know that I love her, like I said in my thread, I'm not selfish at all and I just want her to be happy, that's how I know that I love her. It's the first time in my life that I feel that way. She is younger than me, so I'm giving her as much time as she needs, I'm willing to wait as long as it takes and that's another reason I know that its true love, she is my soul mate and if it takes her years to realize it, so be it! The more that I think about it, I don't think that either of us are ready for the enormity of our situation! If I'm just living in denial, so be it, I love her and that's all that matters to me at this point! I have thought that I'm in love with someone so many times in my life, but this time it feels so different. Somehow I just know that we will be together sometime in the future!

[IK0N]

Hey, Anomaly. Thanks, I guess I will ask her and see whats up. And it's nice to hear your stories, I'm sure it will work out for you too. I guess it will for me too, it's only up to hope now I guess, or is it?

[IK0N]

Hmm okay, so here's another problem. I've been hanging out with her a lot lately and every time we go out it seems like the feelings are getting more deeper and deeper for her. So I'm at the point thinking am I putting too much into this? or am I not? Should I maybe like ask her out sometime soon and let her know I feel so I can find out what she has for me because what if I let this go on for long and when I end up confessing it is too late. I don't know what to do. Please post your thoughts on this. Thanks. ^^