Communication hit rock bottom - should I leave him alone or what?

[sunnyrain]

Would like a female point of view, thank you

[sunnyrain]

I’ll try to make this as short and to the point. I became friends with a guy about 11 years ago. We were just friends, and then it developed into that FWB thing. We eventually lost communication due to different circle of friends, work, and moving – just general ‘life’ stuff. After a few years passed, we hooked up again. Unbenounced to me, the guy had a GF at the time. I finally found out and confronted him, and he said it was an open relationship so it was “OK.” I was alright with it after mulling it over in my head, as I do not have any kids, no BF and a steady job, so …. If it’s OK with his GF, then alright. Of course, as you can imagine, BAD CHOICE on my part. I began to have stronger feelings for him and that just messed things up for me as he did not have the same for me. I was basically his ‘last-call’ when no other girl in his black book was available. Suffice to say, I cut it off and deleted from my life all contact as I thought it would be best to move on. I was sad and hurt and went through the usual blue period but since have gotten over it and started dating and socializing.

Well, a couple years pass and I hear from him out of the blue. His father had just passed away and he lost his job then moved to the other side of the US. He would call and text me and we would skype a lot. He was depressed, sad, etc. I helped him through his dark period of his life and even helped his mom with funeral stuff. He would ‘indulge’ me with sexting quite often and we’d always start and end the day/evening with a good morning and good night text. Well, he recently has found himself a new GF and again, says it’s an open relationship. But of course living 2000 miles away, there’s no physical contact with him. But when I went on vacation, he’d sext me but would tell me if I want to send pics to email them because he ‘just wanted better quality photos and not the crappy phone pics’ I never sent any photos. It just didn’t feel right. Even when I went out of state for holiday and mentioned it to him, he immediately said he’d come visit “that is, if you want to see me (wink wink)”  that’s what he said but never did hear any more about it.

He used to tell me all about his day at work, what he had done during the evening, such as his hiking or biking expeditions he went on with a meet up group or send me links to his photos he’d take. But again, this has all stopped. I rarely hear from him. And I DO understand when we get our GF’s and BF’s that it can be time consuming, so to speak, but he was always the one to say, “if I get a GF I will never cut you out of my life, we are friends forever.”

So, I am kind of hurt by his behavior-if nothing else, I miss our talks, just the friendship in general (nothing sexual). I mean how can we go from texting and calling one week and the next, I hear nothing from him?

Is this normal? Should I say something about it to him or leave it alone and let him just go on his way and not respond to any text I receive from him? I am in the 'dating pool' and I have friends (gals from work and such) that I hang out with, usual stuff...so it's not like I am just sitting in my room waiting for a text or call from him, but I do admit, at times I kinda miss not hearing from him....sounds dumb, I know

I am a bit confused.
Thanks in advance for any suggestion!

[Erinesia]

I am so sorry to tell you this, but having read your post, I really do think he is just a user. He only communicates or has a relationship with you when it suits him and/or when he has no other options.

Your connection with him is very unhealthy and you really do need to get away from him once and for all ... and move on with your life.

I would say his communication blackout is caused by his new relationship. I doubt very much his relationship is open, as he describes. Remember it's only him telling you that.

I think he is a very selfish person who does whats good for himself. He has an easy victim in you because you are obviously a very kind person who gives him attention (when he wants it) and you don't seem to have other options for a relationship. You also respond because you have feelings for him ... and he knows and uses this to his advantage.

You need to develop some standards for your relationships with men. You deserve 1,000 times better than this creep.

By the way, I do know what it's like to miss hearing from someone. But, if that someone is not a good person, it's best to stand your ground and stay away.

In a way, he plays a kind of cat and mouse game with you. You know how the cat loves to play with the mouse? This just torments the mouse while the cat gets its jollies.

You are the mouse and you need to escape this cat.

I'm so sorry that my message isn't more comforting and does not offer any hope for your relationship with this guy.