Introduction and a poll.. (mildly long)

[To0C0oL]

..Hello all, My name is Kevin, 22 years old, currently residing in Virginia Beach, Virginia.. I searched for a "female" forum so I could ask the question I will get to later in this thread..

So, without further ado, lets begin.. I'm going to post what I have already posted in another forum, that I only got 1 person to reply to (and it was a guy).. Let me also say that there is some language in this post, but that is only because its the way I felt like typing it at the time.. (Moderators, if it is too heavy, edit it or let me know and I will)

The girl at work is extremly beautiful, funny, smart (college graduate) and everything you could ever DREAM of wanting.. Let me also tell you right now, she is my damn boss..

We have hung out in a social group together, have had 1 on 1 conversations, nothing too serious.. She has no idea the way I feel about her (I tend to hide that pretty well).. While talking at work while closing up with a few others in the kitchen, I jokinly made a comment saying something like "That kinda sounds like you're asking me out on a date".. She replies with "Well, it might be, if we were'nt co-workers", smiles and walks off..

Now, normally I would just live my life like she is nothing to me and keep going, but my New Years resolution was to go after what I want, no matter the outcome and I want her in my life as more then a co-worker/boss..

So Ive been brainstorming ideas..

Idea number 1.. Anonymous..

So I'm thinking this.. Send her a flower at work, with a small little note attached saying something cute and clever.. Wait a few days, send another, but this time asking her to take a risk and meet me somewhere (resturant, movie, some place public so she wont be freaked out)..

Idea number 2.. Just ****ing tell her..

Yea, thats pretty much self explanatory, which is probably not a good idea, but hey, I'm running out of ideas..

Now, honestly, I have NO other ideas, what-so-ever.. I mean, I'm thinking anonymous would work, because all the signs point that she is interested, so all I need is 1 chance to get her out of the "boss" mode.. So I think with 1 date, I'm in..

Also, I know the whole dating of employee things is a touchy subject, so post up some of your expierences, good or bad.. I've thought about her treating my differntly and that effectingother employees, but honestly, I'm the best they have, so I dont exactly think my being treated special would have that much of an impact, nor do I think she would treat me any differntly..

And FYI, this is a family owned company, not a very big 1, 31 employees, so there isnt exactly a set "rule" about this sort of thing..

With that said, let me also add some answers to questions that have already been asked..

Question 1. What is the company's policy on employees dating?

Answer 1. I honestly dont know what the company's position is on the matter, but the owner is dating a former employee so, who knows.. And I'm pretty sure it will be quite hard for me to straight up ask the owner "Hey, can I date XXX?" minaly because she has been there from the start 6 years ago..

I'm prepared to lose my job.. Its not my primary job, its for me to kill time during the day.. I'm a manager at a nightclub that makes me plenty of money to pay my bills, only working 3 nights a week.. But when you're not doing anything during the day and all week, you tend to spend alot of money on really stupid things, so I decided to get a day job thats fun, entertaining, doesnt require me to go balls-to-the-wall like my club does and will keep me out of my house and out of the malls and Best Buy all day..


Question 2. How do you know/think she is interested?

Answer 2. Well, she doesnt have to playfully touch me when we're at work, she does.. She doesnt "vent" to me like she does other employee's when they talk.. When we usually talk, its very light flirting and talking about, well, nothing really.. Just bullshitting..

She doesnt have to sit next to me when we eat lunch, she usually almost finds me and sits with me.. Granted, this could be just being a friendly boss, but I mean its a very small company, we are all a pretty tight knit group and all but like 3 employee's have bee there longer then me, so I kinda have to ask myself, why esle does she single me out like this?


Question 3. Is she the type of girl that will go for something random like this?

Answer 3. I already know for an absolute fact that she is the type of girl to go for that.. However, she knows me, but doesnt really know me(that sounds weird, I know, let me try to explain)..

We all act a little differnt at work and I especially do when I'm at the club.. I HAVE to be friendly, have to pose for the pictures, throw drinks around, etc. so therefore she really only sees that "whoreish" side of me.. Which, to be completly honest, is nothing more then a damn picture/drink/job to me.. She only sees that side because thats the only side she has opened up to, because she is always in "boss" mode..

So to be 100% honest, I have no clue how she would react seeing me sitting there after something like that..

Question 4. Have you asked her out, without it being a joke?

Answer 4. I have asked to her come join me at the club a few times, which I know isnt exactly the smartest thing to do, because I'm technically working, but the only time she seems to accept is when some of the other staff members want to come out, which kinda makes you think for a second "Ok, she isnt comfortable hangin out with me 1 on 1".. But then when you get them all at the club, they all go off their separate ways and I always seems to end up with her 1 on 1.. So again, that steers you towards that she really is interested, but doesnt want anyone to know..


If you have any other questions, please, feel freee to ask..

[Pears]

You said that you are set on going after what you want and you're willing to lose your job over it, so I think you should tell her. You could send her some flowers, but only do that once and then let her know it's you immediately after.

[Gigabitch]

Yeah, it's greepy as hell. The guy that pops into my mind was this guy in high school who had it so bad for me, he wouldn't even talk to me in person, just call my number and hang up. He got his sister to ask me out for him. It was scary and surreal.

Still gives me the crawlies just thinking about it.

[Pears]

Yeah, anonymous flowers can be creepy so if you do it, make sure you tell her immediately.

[To0C0oL]

You said that you are set on going after what you want and you're willing to lose your job over it, so I think you should tell her. You could send her some flowers, but only do that once and then let her know it's you immediately after.

Honestly, I'm saving that for a "last resort".. If I have to take the step, I THINK i'm prepared to do it, but I dont know 100%..

I'm really trying to have this be a win-win situation for me, which would include dating her and keeping this job..

[To0C0oL]

Yeah, it's greepy as hell. The guy that pops into my mind was this guy in high school who had it so bad for me, he wouldn't even talk to me in person, just call my number and hang up. He got his sister to ask me out for him. It was scary and surreal.

Still gives me the crawlies just thinking about it.

Yeah, anonymous flowers can be creepy so if you do it, make sure you tell her immediately.

I can see where both of you are coming from (which is exactly why I searched for a forum like this, to get others opinions )..

But wouldnt telling her right soon after kinda defeat the purpose?

How about this.. Send them, anonymously, then drop subtle hints that it was me?

[Pears]

But wouldnt telling her right soon after kinda defeat the purpose?

It wouldn't, unless you are trying to be a creepy stalker. You're trying to tell her discretely that you like her, right? When she gets the flowers, she'll start thinking about who sent them. Then you can give her a little note or email saying that it was you. Or if you see her, you can discretely tell her. It's a way of telling her you're interested by easing into it instead of just telling her straight up. It's your choice.

How about this.. Send them, anonymously, then drop subtle hints that it was me?

The longer she has to think about who sent it, the creepier it gets. Don't drop subtle hints. Most people do not like to play games. Be a man about it and just tell her.

[Gigabitch]

That's even worse. Bleeeaaaah. We actually want men that aren't afraid of us and aren't afraid to take a risk in asking us out. The whole secret admirer thing is so... sneaky.

Sneaky is bad.

[Pears]

You do have the balls to ask her out, right? Beating around the bush is for losers.

[To0C0oL]

It wouldn't, unless you are trying to be a creepy stalker. You're trying to tell her discretely that you like her, right? When she gets the flowers, she'll start thinking about who sent them. Then you can give her a little note or email saying that it was you. Or if you see her, you can discretely tell her. It's a way of telling her you're interested by easing into it instead of just telling her straight up. It's your choice.

Bottom line, yes, thats exactly what I'm trying to do..

The longer she has to think about who sent it, the creepier it gets. Don't drop subtle hints. Most people do not like to play games. Be a man about it and just tell her.

And this is why I wanted to find a forum like this.. (these smilies are urber gay, FYI)

[To0C0oL]

That's even worse. Bleeeaaaah. We actually want men that aren't afraid of us and aren't afraid to take a risk in asking us out. The whole secret admirer thing is so... sneaky.

Sneaky is bad.

You do have the balls to ask her out, right? Beating around the bush is for losers.

Co-worker, boss.. That has quite alot to do with it.. Trying to have a win-win situation..

Like I said, I have asked her out and she only seems to accept when other people from work go with..

However, everytime she does come out, we always get 1 on 1..

So, again, you say you dont want men to beat around the bush, which is it.. Is she not comfortable hanging out with me 1 on 1, or what? Is she the 1 thats actually scared untill everything starts flowing? Cause like I said, Ive asked her to join me on many occasions and she has declined unless others, yet we always get 1 on 1 time..

And the "men" dating advie forums say you shouldnt "just straight tell her how you feel", that you should "show" them.. Thats a big no-no to them... So whats going on here..?

I'm running out of idea's, thats why I'm here..

[Mish]

Yeah, it's greepy as hell. The guy that pops into my mind was this guy in high school who had it so bad for me, he wouldn't even talk to me in person, just call my number and hang up. He got his sister to ask me out for him. It was scary and surreal.

Still gives me the crawlies just thinking about it.

+1

Thinking of a secret admirer creeps me out and I'm a guy. This is something people seriously don't need to worry about.

Look, dont't reinvent the wheel dude. There's a tried and tested method that gets the girl most times and that's coming up, talking to her, making her feel comfortable and attracted. Taking her out places (as friends do) and licking a bit of chocolate ice cream you got her off her lip when you "accidentaly" trip. Make taking her out a smooth ride and you shouldn't feel any bumps on the road.

[To0C0oL]

+1

Thinking of a secret admirer creeps me out and I'm a guy. This is something people seriously don't need to worry about.

Look, dont't reinvent the wheel dude. There's a tried and tested method that gets the girl most times and that's coming up, talking to her, making her feel comfortable and attracted. Taking her out places (as friends do) and licking a bit of chocolate ice cream you got her off her lip when you "accidentaly" trip.

If I felt the "tried and tested" method would work in this situation, I'd be all for it..

However, I dont think it will.. If you read the thread, you would realise this isnt a "normal" situation, hence why I'm here asking for opinions..

So, lets do a little clarification, as I have got a few responses..

I'm going on the assumption that everyone has read the background info.. So, with that being said, the census so far is "Ask her out, tell her you want to be her man, because you think she is awesome and cant stop thinking about her"..

Is that what I'm gettting here..? Lemme tell ya, that does NOT seem like a good idea..

[Gigabitch]

Why, because you want a "sure thing"? You want to know there's no way you're going to get shot down if you ask her?

Good luck with that.

[To0C0oL]

Why, because you want a "sure thing"? You want to know there's no way you're going to get shot down if you ask her?

Good luck with that.

No, not really.. Ive been shot down plenty of times and probably will get shot down plenty of more times..

Ive done the whole "Oh sweetie, I'm crazy about you".. And from that point on, I was nothing more then play-do in her hand.. Granted, that was partially (more like mainly) my fault, but I'm not trying to go down that road again..

And as I have read up on some of the other "advice" forums, everyone seems to agree that you NEVER tell a woman how you feel, you show her (untill you are deep into a relationship).. And hell, I'll admit it, I'm not all that great at showing someone who I'm not already involved in how I feel.. Its either way too far or not enough.. so thats why I'm here, asking about my idea and if anyone has any better..

Well, I thought a secret admirer type thing is cute, shows I take a calculated risk and can be THAT guy..