need opinions. cause even i am confused

[hallanole]

ok My girl has been talking to this guy for awhile. She's really digging him but she is unsure how he feels. She knows he likes her cause duh he wouldn't talk to her.

so basically she has strong feelings for him and doesn't know whether to say something or not. She's been playing it cool for the time. I'm guessing he has been too. She's wanting to say something but doesn't want to scare him away since he's perfect for her.

So should she tell him how she feels??? What do you all think?

[bumbum]

and this is ur girl doing all this???

werdd

[hallanole]

not my girlfriend. she's my good friend. here we say my girl, my boy as friends when a girl says it.

[squirrley]

Halla tell her to relax...everything happens for a reason...it sounds like the feelings might be mutual and maybe theyre both afraid to tell one another...

But shes gotta chill out-if shes feeling like that maybe he is too...who knows. But her best bet is to step back and not push the issue or tell him YET! Tell her to give it some time...things will work out if she keeps her coolness about it. If she starts showing more than hes ready for it could scare him off...

If she wants this to work with him-she HAS to maintain composure. Not be a nutcase like most women get at that point...let him chase her...it makes it better for her-and she'll better down the road about it. I dont know for me I guess I would rather hear it from him first. I realize most men are afraid of not hearing it back..but they'll know it when its right-

tell her it'll be ok...like I say "everything happens for a reason."

[Ironliftr3]

I agree with Squirrley. You need to tell her to chill out, and not pressure him. Pressuing a guy is the kiss of death. A guy needs to feel like HE is the pursuer. Even if he is getting intersted, but the woman moves too fast, or faster than he is ready for, he will either not move forward, take a step backwards, or worse, bail completely.

There is nothing wrong with showing interest, even making it pretty clear, but there is a fine line between showing interest, and changing the male/female roles by you being the pursuer.

[squirrley]

youre the old fashion type arent you Iron? haha...I like that about you..

Halla-there ya go a mans point of view... What she says it first so its like this hands off deal-like some unwritten rule-where the hell is my dating etiqutte book? damnit.

She sounds eager to get the ball rolling-some women are not patient when it comes to the dating aspect. They want things like YESTERDAY!!! PLEEASE dont make me wait...(yes-guys some women think like that-were just as eager as you)

But why is it wrong for a women to tell him first? Even though I think he should be the one-

Ms. JAne can I have my dating rule book back? I need to look that shit up...

The Dos and Donts of Dating...the unwritten rules we all need to know...

[jane]

hhhmm... dating rule book... I believe the chapter your looking for is the...

"How to Date without looking like your 'dating'"...

[Ironliftr3]

Squrrley, I'm confused...are you agreeing or disagreeing with me??

And yes, I think I am somewhat old fashioned, especially when it comes to dating. I'll always hold the door for you, always be the one to ask the woman out, always call after a date to say what a good time I had, and always make sure the women gets 'hers' before I get mine.

Well...almost always on that one.....

I don't think there's anything 'wrong' with a woman telling a guy how she feels, I think it just blurs the traditional 'dominant male' line.

[squirrley]

I agree with you...I was just bringing up another point.

Talking with other women-they think they it should go either way when it comes to wanting to tell the guy how she feels. But I STILL think it should be the man.

But what do you if you DIDNT have a good time? Do you still call her?

[Ironliftr3]

But what do you if you DIDNT have a good time? Do you still call her?

The 'correct' answer to this is 'yes', you still call her, and tell her that you don't think you're a good match, or whatever, wish her luck, etc. I have to admit though, that if it's a 'first date' situation, I'm guilty of not always calling if I didn't think we hit it off.

[jane]

Iron .. I am impressed.. you have the dating rule book down.. but,

Is it wrong for women to be the pursuer? Are there times when women can be the "dominate" one in the dating process?

I am a pretty outgoing person.. and I feel as tho sometimes I can over power a guy becuase it.. I dont think its a flaw.. I feel like a the "right" guy would be able to handle it.. what do you think?

[Ironliftr3]

Jane, certainly the 'right' guy would be able to handle it, as there are exceptions to every 'rule'. And it's certainly not 'wrong' with a woman being the pursuer, I just tend to think that a majority of men, myself included, want to be able to feel like they are taking the lead, especially at the beginning of the dating process.

I tend to like women with strong personalities (hey, I am from NY!), but I am still taken back by a woman who is pursuing me more than I am pursuing her. Like I said, expressing interest is certainly okay, and desirable, but there is a fine line there. If a woman doesn't feel like her actions are being reciprocated, she may need to back off a bit.

[PandaCivic]

if the woman pursues more than the man does, it makes it that much easier for the guy to do his thing. it would be better for the guy to do all this chasing and have the girl at least smile once in a while to acknowledge that he's not wasting his time...but that's in a perfect world...girls don't say or do shit, they just watch the guy suffer...