Unbelieveable

[Soulfire]

Hello. My name is Laura and my story is long although I'll try to make it as short as possible. It all started 8 years ago. I met and fell in love with a man who I thought was perfect for me. It took a while for him to fall in love with me, but he had no problem having sex all the time. His love came later and we remained together (not living together - he had his own place and I have my own home where I raised my now 2 adult children). We were together for almost for years and even planned on getting married someday. Everything was great at first. We had so much in common, etc. Forgot to mention that he had been married 3 times prior and had several failed relationships inbetween marriages. Well, towards the end of the 4 year relationship, he began to act different - not wanting to come around as much, lying, etc. He started asking to borrow money b/c he said he had back child support money to pay and that he couldn't make his rent or car note, etc. I believed him and started loaning him money for those things. Well, something just didn't strike me right, so I called his second ex-wife (the one that had two children with him - the others I didn't know). His second ex and I became friends over the years because when he had his boys for the weekend, we would all do activities and have a great time and I kept in touch with her when one or both were sick and needed meds, etc. So, when his behavior started to change, I called her to see if he was really using the money to pay her the back child support. I learned he hadn't paid her a dime. I had a key to his apartment, but I never used it unless he was there and I would let myself in if he was taking a shower, etc. So when I found out he was lying to me about the money issues, I decided to go look through his apartment. I discovered that he had been using cocaine and that he had been seeing another girl - a girl nearly 20 years younger. Anyway, I gathered the evidence and waited for him to come home. I confronted him and told him that we could work this out and get him professional help, but he refused said he would rather break off our relationship and that's what happened. I begged and pleaded and nothing. I finally gave up on begging and pleading b/c he said that I had no self-respect and that shook me up a bit and he was right so I stopped. We didn't speak to eachother for almost a year and I was on my way to a full recovery after having felt utter pain b/c I truly loved him. Well, after about a year, he called me one day and said he had learned his lesson, but not before loosing his job, car, apartment, everything. I told him that it took me a long time to get over him (I really wasn't over him) and that we could be friends. That was almost 4 years ago (a total of 8 years now since we met). We continued to be friends (sometimes with benefits - big mistake) and I thought someday, if he was really off drugs, that we could work it out somehow. My children got older 20 and 24 and where out of the house and he came to stay for a very short time b/c his I could not handle his temper and his constant lies....I asked him to leave and he did. He has been leaving with a co-worker and his family. We still remained friends, but both hopeful I thought of someday getting back together (how stupid was I?). Getting to now, I was helping him look for an apartment and on Friday on my way home from I saw some for rent signs and wrote down the numbers. I called him and told him and he said he was busy and would call me back for the numbers. Well,didn't call that night, so on Sat. I called him and no answer. Sunday I called him and no answer. Monday morning I got a text message from him telling me that he was seeing someone and that he couldn't answer to phone. That she lived 2 hours away and he had been there all weekend. I called him and asked why he hadn't mentioned it before and he said he had just met her on NYE and was already in love with her. He is now 43 and she is 35 with two children. I asked him why it took him so long to fall in love with me, but in only 8 days he was already in love with her......I don't believe him about the time he's been seeing her. But I was hurt all over again...didn't think I would be, but I was. I asked him to please reconsider and that maybe he and I could work out and he said no and that he loved her. I called his ex-wife (since we remained friends) and she told me that there are two others not just one. One even younger than the other that he put up in a hotel for 2 weeks with her 3 year old daughter and he didn't even buy his own children x-mas presents and spent his money on her and her baby instead and this isn't even the one he tells me he's in love with. I suspect that he is still a drug user since he stopped on his own (yeah, right) and he has always lied.....so knowing all of this, why do I still love him and why am I hurting so much and why do I want to know what these girls look like, etc. I don't understand my feelings. I've been crying and crying and I have bigger problems than him and yet, I'm focusing on his once again rejection of me. Someone please help me understand what I am going through b/c I don't understand why I cannot let this man go.

[Ellynn]

What you need to do is get as far away from this man as possible. He sounds like a manipulator. He doesn't care about you. He only cares about what works out best for him at the time.

Cut him out of your life. Don't contact him! IF he tries to contact you, avoid his calls.

Trust me, in the long run, its for the best.

[Soulfire]

Thank you. I know you are right. It's just so hard. I've been wanting to contact him today, but I have been able to stop myself because like I said, this isn't the first time. It's been 8 years of this suffering and lying and cheating and being taken for granted...why haven't I learned by now? Thanks again.

[Gigabitch]

L is for LOSER. Run away.

[Mathias]

Yeah, fall in love with someone who deserves it.

Cut off ALL contact. NOW.

[michaelmorgan]

Soulfire, you have already had a "long run" with this man.
Nobody will judge you for fighting 8 years for your love and for your heart.
However, you will never live these years again. So the least you can do is draw a line right here and right now and NEVER look back again.
You learned your lesson the hard way. The painful way.
I also feel that you have some self esteem issues (we all do, eventually). NEVER let yourself abused again. Love has nothing to do with what has been happening in your life lately.

REMOVE HIM SOCIALLY OUT OF YOUR LIFE. Do not hope for a miracle, as you will end up frustrated and hurt. AGAIN.

As I see you have posted this in the Broken Hearts Forum, if you find hard to let him go then feel free to contact me with a private message and I will share with you a little meditation&visualisation technique THAT HELPS. A LOT!

Best regards,
Michael Morgan

[Soulfire]

Thanks to those of you who have taken the time to read and reply to my post. I understand and know that you are all correct. The problem is how do I make myself do it....run, cut him off - he has already cut me off anyway.

To Michael Morgan, I tried to send you a pm, but since I'm new, I was told that I needed a total of 15 posts before being allowed to pm anyone. Please help. Please pm me or email me at [email]Soulfire750@yahoo.com[/email]. Thank you.

[Soulfire]

I keep imagining him with her and wondering what those other women look like. Why does that bother me so much and why does it hurt so much? He has cheated on me before....you would think I'd be used to this by now and not even care. I don't have to cut him out of my life b/c he has already cut me out of his.

[vashti]

In reading your post, had you not mentioned your grown children I would have taken you for a 20 year old.

You only get what you settle for, which is why you've allowed him to hang around all this time, knowing he is such a loser.

Have some self respect. Don't try being "friends" with him again, don't give him money or a place to stay. He doesn't love you. He doesn't love anyone but himself, and you are allowing yourself to be used.

[Soulfire]

Vashti, I agree. I'm pathetic. I know he doesn't love me.

[vashti]

Get some professional help.

[Zach]

Your not pathetic, your bound by your love for him.

But it only seems like your bound to him, you can break that with enough effort. Once you get your head on straight you will thank yourself later for not letting him treat you like a door mat.

--Zach

[Soulfire]

Thanks Zach. I appreciate the kind words and suggestions.

[Soulfire]

I'm still hurting. Didn't even go to work today.

[vashti]

Uh, no offense, but aren't you kind of old to be indulging your emotions this way?