The EX is back! Need a male perspective!

[dior01]

Thank you for reading this! I met this guy 3 months ago.. we had this crazy fast-paced romance since then and everything "just felt right"

I actually thought I would never fall in love again since my ex-fiancee and was single for some time...lost hope.... then I meet this guy that makes me believe it's possible again.. we talked about moving to South America together..he was very romantic with me..texted me every hour of the day.. always looked forward to seeing me..would kiss me for hours..would blow off friends/plans/etc to spend time with me.. called in sick at work to take care of me one week when I was very ill.. I met his family (spent a wknd with them) and he met my friends (soon he would have met my family and I would have met his friends..the plans were made but stuff would come up for both of us)

I'm a pro salsa dancer and even tho he's a rock music UFC type guy..he took an amazing interest in my lifestyle.. I made him Spanish CDs and he would listen to them constantly and download salsa videos and try to learn the steps..it was cute. He even cut down smoking A LOT because he knew I didn't like it (never pressured him to) and he said he wanted to quit but his ex smoked with him ..and now he had a positive influence since I didn't smoke. He even showed off my pictures to all his buddies at work and they would tease him when we'd talk on his lunch break ..they'd call me "wifey" and tease him that I was too hot for him.. (all in good fun)

Some might say we fell for each other a bit fast..but sometimes you can't put a timeline on these things.. also, he made me feel so secure so I went with it. My ex-fiancee and I also fell for each other fast and we stayed together for almost 3 yrs in the end.. so I figured it was a similar situation.

His ex girlfriend broke up with him through text and broke his heart 6 months before we met.. I could tell it was hard on him but he seemed to have moved on since he never ever talked about her and seemed so happy with me..

When we changed our facebook statuses to "in a relationship with..." he began to get crank calls from a blocked number. He would get them a lot when we were together and he told me he was positive it was his ex and that she must have seen his status because they have mutual friends on FB. He seemed annoyed. I asked him why he was so sure it was her and that's when he told me that she had done it twice before since they broke up.

He said that 4 months prior to him meeting me she texted him that she was pregnant (ew who does that..she's 23 so immature! ..I'm 25 btw and he's 30) to get his attention. When he agreed to talk, she told him that she lied and she changed her mind. He said that really disgusted him and he's moved on since then..but then about a month before him and I met she started crank calling him and caused problems for him at work..so he was even more turned off..and since then he hadn't heard anything until now when he assumed it was because she saw his FB status.

I thought the whole thing was stupid and didn't think anything of it since he was very much in to me and still spending every day with me and showering me with affection..

Then about 2 weeks after the crank calls began...he disappears one day out of the blue..phone off...no contact for 24 hrs.. I freaked out. By the second day I was ready to think something happened to him... I was bawling my eyes out.. then he finally texts me some series of stories that made no sense...then ignores me for another day!

Day 3 comes... I can't sleep and I'm feeling withdrawal from him because we talked all the time..plus my gut's acting up. That's when he texts me..that his ex was parked in front of his house for 3 days crying so he agreed to finally meet her after tons of fighting in his driveway... and she begged him back and it was emotional and somehow they kissed and now he's confused because he's not a cheater so he thinks our relationship isn't healthy anymore... and that he needs his space to figure things out..and that he understands if I want nothing to do with him!! I bawled... I tried to get a hold of him but he shut off his phone!!! I didn't hear from him for 2 days so I began to cry my eyes out and try to move on..

I'm going to try to summarize what happened in the past 2 weeks up until now:

He texts me that he hopes it's not too late for us and he knows he * * * * ed up bad but he needs to explain.. I give him a chance to explain and he's suddenly too busy to meet me.. a few days go by where he keeps telling me he's busy with work because the holidays are approaching and I tell him forget it it's over.

Few more days go by and AGAIN he texts me that he misses me and needs to talk.. during this time I'm missing him with every inch of my body..mind..heart.. so I agree to meet..he makes plans 3 days away AGAIN but I agreed to wait...then on the day of (after confirming our plans the night before) he BLOWS ME OFF..and his phone is off the entire day! At night time he texts me a series of apologies... begging and telling me this elaborate story that he ran out of gas and was stranded cuz his phone died etc (long story)I didn't know what to believe ...but I ended it..he begged all night, all day (wow suddenly he wasn't too busy to text me while at work)..and finally calls me..it was so nice to hear his voice after all this texting.. he begged me to meet in person so he can tell me everything that's been going on..I needed the answers and I still really cared for him (I was close to falling in love with this guy hard) and since he begged for 'one last chance" and said I've been on his mind so much.. (plus since I knew him he was so blunt and honest all the time before this happened) I agreed to meet.

He came to my house and we drove somewhere and talked for hours.. the gist of his story was that his ex threatened to kill herself, said she wants to marry him and even offered him to date both of us at the same time! He said he had a lot of resentment and no closure with her so when they kissed he thought he still loved her but as the days went by he realised what a giant mistake he made and that I've been on his mind ever since.. he also said that he only met up with her for coffee once since the day they kissed and it was to have the proper goodbye he never had with her in the past..and that even then she wouldn't accept it.. finally, he assured me that he just had to find a way to make her go away..but that he was falling for me hard before this all happened and he thinks we could have something great (I felt the same) and that when he's around me he thinks about babies and marriage uncontrollably so he feels like I could be "the one".. he even said he was positive he wanted to be with me when he realised that it was impossible to imagine letting me go..

The only thing I didn't like about his entire story was the fact that it seemed like she was still in the picture..and he kept saying that he was positive she was acting like this out of jealousy and not real love because she never talked about marriage with him before I was around (but I was thinking..what if he thought she was acting out of real love...would he have tried it again with her and forgotten about me if that was the case??)

He agreed that he would have to earn my trust back and it wouldn't be easy. He said he would do whatever it takes..when he dropped me off he hugged me forever and squeezed me soo tight..I kissed him and still felt sparks..but he kind of pulled back a bit when we kissed.. I thought it's because he wasn't expecting it because then he just jumped right in and kissed me back..omg I had missed him sooo much.

Imagine my disappointment when the NEXT DAY his phone was off again! He texted me good morning which put a spring in my step at work..and then I never heard from him again...at night time I tried calling when I thought it was a bit strange that he hadn't called ..and his effin phone was off! It was off the following morning as well! I almost lost it from the level of pain and confusion.. that night (after not hearing from him all day or the day before except in the morning) he texts me this long story how his new puppy chewed his charger (which I've witnessed before) and that's why his phone was dead the night before and the next day when he charged it in the car driving home from work..his ex started calling him off the hook and she was at the house again so that's why he didn't call that night either.. he says he's drained and understands if I'm fed up.. when I told him I was fed up and that there's no excuse and I don't believe him, he begged again for another chance and says "I just want you to know everything I said to you Monday was true I just need to get this girl out of my life I'm changing my number tomorrow"

Well this time I stood up for myself and told him where to go...we texted back and forth but my answer stood firm and he said fine I won't bother you again so sorry..haven't heard from him since..it's been 4 days (wow gives up that easy??)

Yesterday I woke up and I was missing him like CRAZY I was missing everything.. so friggin much!!!!!!!! We hadn't had a single fight until this happened... I was getting flashbacks... I basically went NUTS. In fact, tears are rushing down my face as I'm writing this..So I texted him.. I asked him to please do me a favor... to tell me that he's not ready to let her go so that he can make it easier for me to move on and accept this.. he responded that he's at his best friend's house and if he can call me later..this was at 2pm.. I said ok. At 7pm I asked him when he was planning on calling me..he said so sorry but he was rushing to go to a birthday and this was just bad timing and that he can call me after the birthday dinner if I want.. I texted him this long thing that I'm happy he couldn't give me the time of day because that shows me he's moved on..he says again that he swears he'll call me.. around midnight I fell asleep with tears in my eyes..of course when I woke up in the morning there was a text from him that he's so sorry (again) and that he had just gotten home and he'll call me tomorrow he swears... this text was at 2am! When I read it in the morning I was so hurt that I texted him "don't bother".. he never responded and I haven't heard from him since.

Please help. I am so effin hurt..it took me so long to open myself up to someone since my ex and I am so heartbroken this happened..how can he stop caring for me just like that! He just begged for a second chance a few days ago! And unless I'm crazy, it was so beyond mutual between us and amazing and "just right".. not to mention he seemed way over his ex.

So what happened??? I can't get over this and my heart physically hurts!!!

pls I need advice

[stuckies]

Not a guy but I'll chip in if that's ok cus I know you're hurting. I've been there. Someone I thought was special, someone who encouraged me to let my guard down, was as sweet as could be then bam! Turned in to a major douche, phone problems...computer problems, sorry for this sorry for that. It felt like I'd been stabbed in the chest. All I wanted was the truth over how things were...but that's another tale..

Some guys will take what you say at face value. You tell them to go and they go. They don't think oh she's testing me to see if I will go or if I'll fight for her. That being said he's got so much shit to deal with/ex I would not hold out much hope. Why? Because he's got prior history with her. If he had zero feelings for her he would have called the cops to get the crazy crying woman off his drive. Now he's got two crazy women making demands on him. He does not know you as well as her.

If you need to cry, get angry whatever it is, let it out.

[dior01]

Not a guy but I'll chip in if that's ok cus I know you're hurting. I've been there. Someone I thought was special, someone who encouraged me to let my guard down, was as sweet as could be then bam! Turned in to a major douche, phone problems...computer problems, sorry for this sorry for that. It felt like I'd been stabbed in the chest. All I wanted was the truth over how things were...but that's another tale..

Some guys will take what you say at face value. You tell them to go and they go. They don't think oh she's testing me to see if I will go or if I'll fight for her. That being said he's got so much shit to deal with/ex I would not hold out much hope. Why? Because he's got prior history with her. If he had zero feelings for her he would have called the cops to get the crazy crying woman off his drive. Now he's got two crazy women making demands on him. He does not know you as well as her.

If you need to cry, get angry whatever it is, let it out.

You're right.. that's exactly why I've tried my best not to be crazy..even though every fiber of my being has wanted to.. that's why I stepped back and let her be the psycho..and up until yesterday when I texted him and didn't get the answer I was hoping for..he's the one that texted me every 2 days asking to talk..begging for a chance.. I give it to him and he disappears again? Face value or not.. I was hoping for more effort..

That being said.. why would he want to get back with her after their negative past? My ex and I ended badly as well and nothing would make me take him back after how hard I worked to get over him..

You're right about the history factor.. is there any chance him and I would survive in the future if I just walk away from this now? Or do I need to walk away and move on with no hope...

I'm so sad

[bcgirl]

You need to detach yourself fully from him and break-up for good. Maybe his ex is immature and playing games, but he is stooping to her level and probably worse. He has cheated on you...plain and simple. He is making so many elaborate excuses as to why he didn't call you or his phone was off. It wasn't just once....it was MANY times. Think back to before the ex was in the picture, has his phone ever been turned off to the point you couldn't contact him? He is very confused....he wants you and his ex as girlfriends! I can bet money that a kiss wasn't all that's happened. There is always 2 sides to the story. If you are dying to know what's been happening, don't depend on him to give you the honest truth. Why not try to get in contact with his ex and talk to her about what's going on. He is not worth your time, and you two haven't invested much time with each other anyways. You two have only known each other 3 months..... if you continue to be bf/gf, betcha anything when you two get more serious lets say 3 years.... this topic of the ex gf will not leave your mind. I got a test..... ask him to meet up with you. When you two meet up, ask him if you can see his cell phone. If he doesn't give it to you, he has something to hide. If he does give it to you, you can see whether his cell phone is off or not. If it's off, turn his cell phone on and look at all his txt messages. You can read the ones he's sent to his ex girlfriend. If he has nothing to hide, he will allow you to see them. I've cheated in relationships in the past, I know all too well the types of games he is playing. He can not be trusted!

is there any chance him and I would survive in the future if I just walk away from this now? Or do I need to walk away and move on with no hope...

the future is unpredictable. You should just go on with your life and not dwell on the possibility of him, or wait around for him. He obviously needs to deal with his psychotic ex gf and straighten their relationship up first. Have hope, hope that you can find a way better guy than this douche bag. Someone without so much baggage. If he loved you so much, he wouldn't have kissed his ex gf! My husband has been with his ex for 12 years, they broke up. He has no feelings for her. He met me and he loved me so much. He bumped into his ex and she begged for him back. He said, "nope, I have a new girl who I adore so much". You will have someone who will treat you like gold too. Don't settle for anything less.

[smackie9]

It's obvious the guy wasn't ready to move on from his ex, nor is she. He thought he was, that's why he pursued a relationship with you BUT in some situations people seek out another to regain that emotional attachment they had lost with their ex and not even realizing that they are doing it. This has been very tough on him, just as much as it has been on you....he was being pulled in two direction, and it was messing up his head so badly with guilt. He still cares for you very much that is why he has decided it would be best to stop hurting you even further with this emotional mess he is in....probably felt you deserved better.