Wedding date 3 weeks away, what to do?

[StanTheMan]

First time visitor and poster here.

Here is the situation.
Wedding is 3 weeks away. For about the last 2-3 months, I have been wavering back and forth about proceeding with the ceremony. Reasoning being I am not sure I am getting married for all of the right reasons, I dont think I am getting married for me, I believe that I am 100% doing it for my fiancee. We dated for 5+ years and I felt the pressure to basically poop or get off the pot. I guess more than pressure, as I had a semi ultimatum, she wanted to be engaged by the end of last year, so I did it. Additionally, I am not 100% sure she is my soul mate. I thought she was or would be, but lately the littlest things just seem to bug me the way they never did before.

So here are what I see as my options:
1) Man up and go thru with the ceremony and dont look back, dont think about all of the questions going thru my head. Hope for the best in life.
2) Postpone the ceremony, talk thru all the crap that is going thru my head and possibly reschedule next year. I am more than willing to eat all of the deposits we have put down.

Is there an option #3? If so, please weigh in.
Also, this has nothing to do with cold feet, I just want to be sure that I am making the correct decisions in life. I do not want us to become a statistic, that being divorced in no time.

Thanks for any advice or experiences anyone can provide.

[tanner]

Wow - you're in a pinch. I say listen to your gut. You can't get married because you're forced too. This can only lead to resentment. If you've been together for 5 years there must be some good things keeping you together but you would know if you want to get married.

[jackyd232]

DO NOT get married if you're not 100% up for it. People get divorced all the time because of things like this and I'm sure you don't want to be a statistic. If you get married and cheat it will be double the pain than if you were just dating. If you want a divorce it will be double the pain of a breakup if you were just dating. If you have kids, then decide you really didn't want to get married it will be DOUBLE the pain than if you just broke up now. You do not want to spend your life regretting that you married for her and not the both of you.

There's no point in getting married if you're not into it and you're not even sure she is the one for you. It will only bring pain and waste a lot of money.

[MVPlaya]

First time visitor and poster here.

Here is the situation.
Wedding is 3 weeks away. For about the last 2-3 months, I have been wavering back and forth about proceeding with the ceremony. Reasoning being I am not sure I am getting married for all of the right reasons, I dont think I am getting married for me, I believe that I am 100% doing it for my fiancee. We dated for 5+ years and I felt the pressure to basically poop or get off the pot. I guess more than pressure, as I had a semi ultimatum, she wanted to be engaged by the end of last year, so I did it. Additionally, I am not 100% sure she is my soul mate. I thought she was or would be, but lately the littlest things just seem to bug me the way they never did before.

So here are what I see as my options:
1) Man up and go thru with the ceremony and dont look back, dont think about all of the questions going thru my head. Hope for the best in life.
2) Postpone the ceremony, talk thru all the crap that is going thru my head and possibly reschedule next year. I am more than willing to eat all of the deposits we have put down.

Is there an option #3? If so, please weigh in.
Also, this has nothing to do with cold feet, I just want to be sure that I am making the correct decisions in life. I do not want us to become a statistic, that being divorced in no time.

Thanks for any advice or experiences anyone can provide.

Stan, since you've dated her for 5 years, what do you think an extra 6 months will buy you? If you post-pone this wedding, what can you learn then that haven't already learned now?

You won't be able to date women and see if you can get someone else who you like better, all you can do is spend more time with your fiancée, with whom you've apparently already spent 5 years of time. If you want to post-pone, do it as soon as possible (you're already running late), your guests have to cancel plane tickets, hotel reservations, arrangements they've made at work over time off, etc. You need to talk to your fiancée and make that move immediately, and she won't be happy.

But honestly, what do you still need to know? At this point, you have to make a decision. Ask yourself this question, can you see her being the mother of your children? Can you see yourself with her 10 years from now? Do you love her?

If the answer is yes to each of the above, then go through with it. If there are some No's, then you need to have a chat...

[Enigmos]

why do you feel she is not "the one?"
why have you stayed with her for 5 years?
ask yourself these questions, and hopefully, you will have some clarity. i also want to add that ultimatums don't ever work in relationships. they do not belong in a healthy one.

[bluesummer]

I would not marry someone if I had to give him an ultimatum to marry me, because that tells me pretty clearly he doesn't want to get married.

It already took you five years and an ultimatum to walk down the aisle....that tells me you aren't into it and never were. I think you need to put the brakes on.

[Gigabitch]

The fact that you think there's such a thing as a "soul mate" out there who would never annoy you tells me you're too emotionally immature to get married.

I wouldn't bother with a postponement. If you're not going to "poop", as you put it, then get all the way off the pot. Let someone else have a seat.

[pastord]

Put it off until you are 100% sure you want to marry this girl. This girl will hate it but let her know that you don't want to do her an injustice by marrying her if you aren't sure that is for you.
As for telling her, pull a George Constanza from Seinfeld and start crying. It works everytime. J/K