He refuses to open up!

[jenaleigh]

I've been dating this guy for awhile. We've been together since July but only until recently has it gotten more serious, since we're talking about moving in together. But still, after all this time.. he is the hardest person to communicate with, ever. He's extremely shy and I'm not. I seem to talk his head off without a single word back. I just want him to open up. I ask him deep, personal questions and get nothing but a one word answer back. How do I get him to show me who he really is? I'm thinking of just telling him that I need more out of this- or else I'm through. I'm tired of feeling like he has no passion for me or anything I have to say. Anything helps!

[Jade Altair]

tired of feeling like he has no passion for me or anything I have to say.

Maybe he has not.

[vashti]

If you aren't happy with the nature of this relationship, I can't imagine why you'd even consider moving in with him.

[ecojeanne]

i agree with vash and jade. how do you know someone cares about you?

i think it has a lot to do with actions; does he show you (and i don't mean material things) how he feels - the answer is no. you need someone to confide in, to talk with and to share a 2 way conversation. its foundation stuff here that you are complaining about.

you don't sound like you have the basic things that creates the bond. you don't even sound like friends. friends talk to each other.

if he doesn't want to talk - what do you think he's getting from this relationship?

we both know....

[lesa]

Nevermind that, why are you moving in with him?

[caveman]

He's extremely shy and I'm not.

I had seen these "unlike poles attracted" couples before.

Maybe, do a bit of coaxing to get to know his interest first. What are his "hotspots" Gaming, fishing, watching sports on TV, ...

But be thankful that this is what he is before you move in and not the other way.

[damn2008]

I had trouble opening up as well but once I did, it made me happier.

My ex- encouraged it because I was very much closed up and went with whatever she wanted to do or say. I did it mostly because I liked seeing her happy over myself.

She encouraged me to open up and be more vocal which I did but I began seeing another side of her I didn't like. I have a tendency to be more spontaneous and a risktaker...while she likes "playing it safe". So when suggesting activities to do I would throw out all my ideas only for her to shoot them all down and I'd have to agree to the first one she did because I wanted to see her at the very least.

Nevertheless, I'm happier we're done.

But opening up has helped me become a stronger, more confident person who I know now will not be afraid to voice my opinions MORE in a future relationship.

[Male Man]

I've been dating this guy for awhile. We've been together since July but only until recently has it gotten more serious, since we're talking about moving in together.

Dating is the time where you are supposed to decide whether or not you want to share toilet paper. Think about that.

But still, after all this time.. he is the hardest person to communicate with, ever. He's extremely shy and I'm not. I seem to talk his head off without a single word back.

Maybe you have a need to talk and he doesn't? It also depends on what you mean by 'talk.' Most men are problem solvers and try to keep 'talk' to a minimum.

I just want him to open up. I ask him deep, personal questions and get nothing but a one word answer back. How do I get him to show me who he really is? I'm thinking of just telling him that I need more out of this- or else I'm through. I'm tired of feeling like he has no passion for me or anything I have to say. Anything helps!

A few thoughts here...

1) If you think he is hiding something from you...run like the wind!!!

2) It could be possible that you have needs that are more than a lot of men can meet. Maybe a bit of introspection on your part is needed here?

3) Telling him what you need and how to fix it is a good course of action...Men like to fix things. That is...if they are fixable.

[CompletePimp]

I've been dating this guy for awhile. We've been together since July but only until recently has it gotten more serious, since we're talking about moving in together. But still, after all this time.. he is the hardest person to communicate with, ever. He's extremely shy and I'm not. I seem to talk his head off without a single word back. I just want him to open up. I ask him deep, personal questions and get nothing but a one word answer back. How do I get him to show me who he really is? I'm thinking of just telling him that I need more out of this- or else I'm through. I'm tired of feeling like he has no passion for me or anything I have to say. Anything helps!

Yes, moving in together would be a great idea.

[Romeo200818]

if you move in with a person you cant confide in, your in for a disappointment. when you need someone to talk to your not gonna be able to get away cuz you live with him and he wont talk. dont force anything or give him an ultimatum to talk. just find out what he likes, and dont pressure him. the more you pressure, the less you'll get, just be patient. if patience doesnt work for you, try a sex game (piece of clothing for a deep thought?) ... just an idea

[IndiReloaded]

See him for what he really is, not what you'd like him to be. Ppl don't fundamentally change, and this guy is just not a talker.

If you still decide to move in with him, then good luck.

[MisterFlapJack]

Just kind of let him know that you believe "communication" is a big part in a relationship and he isn't doing enough communicating.

[Aeradalia]

Women may change (I haven't noticed myself changing... but I guess it's possible)... but men don't. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it can be if you're hoping for a 'fixer-upper' in a man.

If you don't like the way he is now, then you never will. Even if he was willing to try to change himself for you... eventually the his 'true self' will start to show again. Then the cycle will start over again... the cycle of him lying to you and to himself in order to be something you want.

It's usually better to be with a man you like from the beginning (flaws included). This works out better because he'll hardly change as time goes by. No need to lie to you or himself in order to be what you want... no accumulation of guilt and resentment as time goes by. Essentially you would have a much healthier foundation to base a relationship on.

[tzna]

Wow, this is the exact situation with my boyfriend and I, except the roles are reversed. I'm the quiet one, he talks his head off. I have a very hard time opening up to anybody. I know practically everything about his life while he knows very little. He's told me before that I have to learn to open up, that I'm too "mysterious", but it's just the way I am. Fortunately though, I'm starting to open up slowly. It's not that I don't care for what he has to say or am not passionate about him, not at all, I love the way he is, he's very interesting and love listening to him, it's just that this is the way I am, I'd rather listen than talk. Sometimes, you just have to accept the way someone is and if you don't like it, then really consider if you want to be with him, because people don't change....it's rare. Don't move in with him until you're completely sure that he's someone you'd like to be with...

Some tips that might help: when he talks, really have an interest for what he's saying, ask questions...this will help him open up with you and feel more comfortable.
But if he's been this quiet for such a long time, he might not change at all, and you have to accept that this is the way he is.

[Cloe]

My guess is he's prob not so interested in you, or he's hiding something from you.
Another thing u might want to check out is his behaviour with you and when he's with his friends/family, is it any different? Is he more responsive and open up in the company of his friends? If he's just as quiet, then ts prob juz his character.

I also can't stand too quiet guys. Make me feel like talking to the wall. Kind of bored. NO hope.