I'm dont know what to do, can yall help me?

[paco2244]

Hi everybody, this is my first time posting, I've never posted in any love forum before, and I chose this one because its positive energy and there are some really good people out here that just want to help.

Anyways, here's the story (i'll try to keep it short). My girlfriend dumped me in the beginning of spring break, her reasons were that (had to dig most of them out of her) that she's tired of me, wants to see whats out there, and she likes this other guy. SHe tells me its her, not me and that i've been the best (first) boyfriend in the world. She always told me that she loves me, wants to be with me forever and raise a family with me, and she means it. For the rest of spring break I tried to get her to reconsider, but she wouldn't budge, so I promised her and myself I would stop trying at the end of the break.

Well after the end of the break, my denial stage was over and i started to transfer into the acceptance. When I talked to her I know longer ask her to come back, just to understand why she did. She told me she wanted to get back with me later, but you know what? I told her that I wouldn't if she stayed with him, and she did. A couple of weeks later, they break up (she said it was mutual) and the boyfriend told her that he really, really liked her, just that he had some other girls on his mind. Oh ya, before this I told her I wouldn't get back with b/c that would make me plan b you know? She was trying to make it work with this guy, and if everything when fine, she wasn't coming back, ONLY if something messed up. I wasn't going to lower myself to that level just to be with her.

And by the way, I LOVE this girl. I love her more than anything and would do anything for her. Anyways, after wards we talked and she told me she was single. But then I got out of her why she really broke up with me, it was just so she could get with that other guy. She thought that I would take her back b/c she thought she had me around her finger. This crused me, now she's telling me she misses me and wants me back. She said she got a taste of her own medicine and she is so sorry for what she did and that it was ****ed up. I told her this "You don't deserve me, I deserve a girl who will treat me like I treat her. And the only way we're getting together, is if you convince me that you are that girl." I said. She tells me she loves me and she won't ever do that again. She's a strong girl, she's not begging. SHe told me that she would try and get me back in August, and her "reason" was that so I can see whats out there and all that.

BY the way, when I acted all tough was just a mask I put on, I really do want to be with her and want to believe all I'm saying is true.. But I need to be strong. She's also talking about seeing me during the summer and fooling around (we go to different schools and used to see each other on weekends). I dont know what to do! I don't know if I should take her back, or if i don't I feel like I'm going to regret it forever and be thinking that maybe she did really change. It was yesterday that she told me why she really broke up with me...to be with that other guy, and all that conversation happened last night. We talked today, and were pretty happy, but I'm always happy around her, and sometimes when I call her on the edge of crying and bout to tell her I'm moving on, I hang up with a smile on my face and ending up not telling her. What should I do? What should say? Help please

[misombra]

that's tough. she hurt you pretty badly by going off with her ex. but then he dumped her ass, serves her right. but you know, girls have to learn the hard way sometimes that the people that care about them the most aren't the ones they're likely to fall for. but how do you know she won't dump you to go off with some other dude again? chances are she feels completely rejected and she wants at least one of you to like her and want to be with her. do you think she would be begging you like this if she was still with the ex boyfriend? i think she's turned you into her fall back guy. do you want to be that? or do you want to be with someone who (like you said) knows they want to be with you for sure, and not anybody else?

[stardust]

I entirely agree with misombra. I believe that this desiscion is really 50 50. She did treat you harshly, and it does sound as though you were here fall back guy. Personally if anyone dumped me to be with someone else I could never trust them properly again. You say you really love this girl and would do anything for her. She dumped you for someone else, would you have ever done that to her? If i was in your position and got back with her i'd worry she'd do it again, or it'd bug me so much we'd probably break because of it. If you think she has learnt her lesson then get back, but i really think you ought to think this really through.

[paco2244]

Thank you SO much for replying. Today she called me, and was feeling pretty bad and called me because she says I always make her feel better. I'll make it as short as possible. She called and said that she feels so bad, and is all "I love you...so much". SHe's all like, "I feel so stupid, for leaving such a great guy, who was there for me all along, I'm sorry". THen while we talk I'd hear her under her breath be like "gosh.......I love you" THen she'd be crying and she told me "I want to say something, but I just can't" (which translates to me, oh I need to tell you something, talk me into saying it) and I said "Just say it" She says while crying "Please take me back" I really love her, and even told her. I said I need time to think. Even though I just wanted to take her back then and there. Maybe i should let her fight, and basically judge her on how hard she tries....does this make sense? B/c if she really cares about me she'll fight for me like I did for her, i don't want it to make too easy. Any suggestions would really help. She told me she loves me so much and doesn't know what she would do without me. Its like the tables have turned, she's all saying that she'll call me later tonight b/c she just wants to talk to me, and earlier she was like "its so good to hear your voice."

Guys, I don't know what to do, even though inside I really want her back...and leaning towards giving her another chance. I don't know....I asked her would you hurt me again, she said "No" I told her, IF we got back together, i wouldn't be like how I was, it might take me some time, and are you willing to wait" she says yes. Any comments or suggestions would be GREATLY appreciated.

[stardust]

She sounds genuinly sorry and you sound as though you really like her. Maybe some people do deserve a second chance. but yep i wouldnt rush back with her too quick, is she wants you back she'll wait

[Dibididamn]

Dont get her back.
She doesn't deserve it, she will do it again.
She's using her woman - beachy power.
she will DEFINATELY leave u later on.
Do the wise thing.

my 2p.

[paco2244]

Today when she called she acted different (she is very good at hiding her emotions) WHen she called she acted like we were going out basically, then when we had a silent moment she asked "well, what are we doing" and I was like "i don't know" and she was playfully asked how long are you going to take and you need more time? I just replied "i dont know, what happens, happens" she always used to say that to me when i used to try and get her back. I told her the advice yall said (i didnt say I got it from a love forum, just a friend) and somethings my friends told me. SHe said "you want my advice?' I was like sure, there was a long pause then she said "I don't know if i can say it" then i told her to tell me and she said "don't go out with me" she said she feels rejected, and never has been before. By the way, she is a very honest girl. Basically she said that she feels more...vulnerable. Like guess you can say, easier to be, idk, taken? Or go out with someone. Basically she said she was on the rebound, but forced herself to stop. Then i heard her mutter to herself, like crap he's not going to want to be with me now. Then she said, YOU are not my rebound, i want to be with you, but if you are going to feel like one, then we can wait. She actually said "I don't want you to feel like a rebound, or potentially be one." I questioned her about that last part, and she still told me that she WANTS to be with me and for as long as it lasts. She's willing to say with me 4ever apparently, with all her marriage talk. Personally, i want to spend the rest of my life with her. THe way she talked tho, was different, and she didn't really ACT like she needed me (like she said yesterday) and I told her this. I told her you changed so much from yesterday, and she told me how? I told her and said "I'm sorry, I guessed I let you in on too much how I feel. I was sad and it all poured out" THen I told her, the way you acted yesterday kinda pushed me into maybe wanting to get back with you. THen there was a pause and she said "you made my heart jump." I asked her, do you really feel that way (yesterday). She said she meant every word.

Later in the conversation I told her "I have one more question." she asked what. I asked "am i the second choice?" She asked "right now" SHe told me I wasn't. Then I asked her "well you dumped me to go with that other guy, doesn't that make me seem like second choice?" she says yes. THen she told me (not sure if i belive it) that she went out with him so she could get over him. I thought to myself bs and I asked her "you think it would of been worse if you didn't dump me and we stayed together and we worked this out together?" She said she might of done something behind my back. I asked "so the only reason you went out with him is so you could get over him?" she responded "yes, i like him, and I thought if I went out with him I would get over him. And when I was done I thought you wouldn't be over me yet and would take me back." ...hmmm I also said. "you wouldn't be here right now if he didnt dump you right" she paused then answered no she wouldn't be here. "then doesn't that make me second choice?" Then she said "I like you more than I like him, so that makes you first choice" to her I'm not second choice b/c she likes me more. OMG my head is going to explode.

Guys, can yall help me again, every, single one of you comments have dont wonders for me, and i thank you again for helping me with your advice. I'm going to talk to her again tonight when she calls (in about 3 hours) and I'd REALLY appreciate it if yall posted before then so I can have your thoughts in my head. Thanks again.

[paco2244]

I'd greatly appreciate it if someone commented, I need some advice on what to do.

[paco2244]

Last night we talked again. THe first thing she said was "can you forget the "advice" I told you" SHe's refering when she told me advise me to not go out with her again. I responded with "What you talking about?" So basically I told her I forgot, but of course I didn't. Well we talked a lot that night, I can't remember the details right now but I remember the main things. Basically we were talking like basically we were together and will be forever. Then at the end she told me "Honey, take as l long as you want to decide." I asked her why she said that. She told me she needs time to be single. She said that she wants to make sure I'm not the fall back guy, and I asked what if I was. Then she said she wouldn't allow us to be together. This caught me off guard, but...when I think of it, I agree. Be better for me to find out when we're not together than her leading me on (even tho she has been). She told me she loves me so much. I asked her how she was going to act during this time, she told me "like I have a boyfriend" I then questioned her, well aren't you being single so you dont' have to act that way and be alone" she responded that if she acted this way, then she wouldn't be "approached" or something like that. This didn't make much sense to me, and I'll question her about it next tme we talk. To me, I think if we go through with this (basically we're going to have no contact for a month) that we'll just drift away from each other. B/c already feel less about each other than before, but we still love each other. We have never gone without a week of talking, and I honestly don't think we'll go a month or even a week. But if she is strong (i don't call her anymore) and she doesn't call, I'm just going to act like I moved on, you know what I'm saying? Yalls comments would be great.

[blue]

imo you have to do what you feel is best for you and you will do that one way or another. she has been honest with you it seems, but that dosent mean that trust is going to come easy. if you feel that you were put second and this is bothering you and for now you cant put it behind you then take some TIME. take the time to think. this is your life and i feel imo that if you do take her back that its a desision that you will have to deal with, you are responsible for your actions. If you can enuinley take her back without bitterness and put this behind you then go for it, but that takes tons of trust and she broke that. Think about this for a while stop talking to her and take care of you.

[Chlorine]

Paco224------"But then I got out of her why she really broke up with me, it was just so she could get with that other guy. She thought that I would take her back b/c she thought she had me around her finger. This crused me, now she's telling me she misses me and wants me back. She tells me she loves me and she won't ever do that again."

If she did love you, she wouldn't have treated you so badly. She broke it with you so that she could date another guy. She was interested enough in him, to risk the relationship and break it OFF with you. Now that it doesn't work out, she hurries back to grab you before you slip away. It's just awful behaviour on her part. No moral ethics, no code of honour. Just plain selfishness.

I do understand that you love her and that you're hurt and that you want her back. You can swallow your pride and take her back. Honestly though, I don't think she's worth it. Given half the chance, she'll step all over you again.

[misombra]

i agree. you have been very good about not letting her step all over you since she dumped you for the other guy. but yeah, if you show her that she can just dump you for some guy and you'll take her back she'd probably do it again.

[Picollo]

judge a woman by her actions not by her words

once a ***** always a *****

[bohemiandonut]

judge a woman by her actions not by her words

once a ***** always a *****

Once an abuser, always an abuser.

[paco2244]

I don't know where to start, I guess I'll get to the point and keep it as short as I can. Last night we talked, and it seemed like we went in circles all night. For one, I found she still likes her ex and that she's interested in him, and told me she might cheat on me with him if we go out.

Then after that, she started to beg me with pleases to go out with me, I asked "is there a chance you'll cheat on me?" she told me to forget what she said and just go out with her now. Then I asked straightforward "Are you a 100% sure that you won't cheat on me if we go out" after a pause she answered while crying.... "no". I then said "then no." There was no talking for about 10 minutes and I could hear her crying.

For some reason, what happened directly after I cannot remember right now. But later, I remember we were on the topic of how much we love each other. I asked her how do you love me? She says "Like someone I need, someone I can't live without, someone I want to always be there for me and I can talk to." I then specified the question "Do you love(want) me as a best friend or as a lover. There was a long pause, and then she answered as a best friend. This hurt, a lot, but I didn't show it very much. She then tells me she says that because she always wants me to be there for her and if we're lovers something might happen and then I'll lose you. She then tells me she needs me, and that she doesn't know anyone she can talk to about most things, and, she says she wouldn't know what to do if she lost me and I wasn't there for her. She said she needs someone to care about her (to love her). She said if you leave me and never talk I might end up dead in 2 years.

She also said that she needs me on some levels that a lover can't be. THe more she talked, I can feel the more she changed, the more she believed in her words. SHe says she loves me as a boyfriend and a potential spouse. This hurt to, because we've always talked about that we want to be together, and she obviously is drifting away. Then many times, when I acted like I was going to basically change how I feel and move on, she'd say oh I want to be your gf. She just says this so I won't leave her, not because she wants to be with me. I asked her this, and she confirmed it. And also many times she say that stuff, that she wants to be with me and loves, I'd ask why, she's say to make you happy. I was like ?! Do you think thats makes me happy?! Knowing that your with me to make me happy? Thats not how it works. I want you to come back because YOU WANT TO and because you love me.

This is what she wants, I asked her how long has she felt this way? Wanting me as a friend? She said I just figured it out now. She wants to be friends with benifits, but I'm going to tell her that I need to get over her. I asked her "You don't want to be with me because you want to live the normal high school life, and date around and all that stuff, and have fun. But if your with me you'll know that you can't do that and have to be with ONE guy. She says yes. She says she'll come back her senior year, and I told her that I wouldn't feel the same. She tells me that she wants me to be one she marries, just that she wants to be normal now. She's so confident that she's going to get me back! Its ridiculous! I'm not going to fight for her, I'm done trying to convince her. IF this is she wants, then she by god I'm not going to get in her way. Yall remember when we were going to take a month break? She called me the next day she decided that, because she says she still wants to talk, then she went on about how much she loves me. Now though, she doesn't want to be lovers, just friends. I told her that few things hurt more than when the person you love, and who you want to be with forever, just wants to be your friend, and nothing more.

Seriously, I'm threw, I'm threw her leading me ON! I'm tired of it! I've given her too many chances, and evertime she messes it up, there's no happy ending in this story. I just wish it was that easy. I love her, I want to always be there for her, I want to be there to catch her when she falls, to be there for her till I die. I've never doubted that, I know how I feel. I love her, I love with every essence in my body and I wouldn't hesistate to die for her a 1000 times. I wish I didn't care if she lived or die, whether she's happy or sad, whether she loves me or not, but I love her.