Women and control

[Apache]

Why is it that it seems women are the ones in control when it comes to
a relationship? It does not start out that way...but almost always ends up like this. Their biggest weapon is sex...and it stops abruptly when they feel
the need for power over a man. I just don't get it.

I'd like to hear the ladies point of view...be honest. Do you or do you not
manipulate your man with sex?

And from the guys, do you feel as though your woman controls you with sex?

I'm at a point in my relationship where I am tired of the games. And yes, I feel as though I am being dumped here. Its like you talk, and make up only to find the next battle more difficult, with much greater demands.

In all actuality I can live without the sex if this is what she wants. But its the fact that she uses this almost like a knife to stab me with. And then there's the head games too. WHY?????

Maybe guys do this to women too, but I wouldn't know this since I am not like that at all. I have a bad habit of putting a woman on a pedastal, but lately I have found that all I want to do is to kick the pedastal out from under her.

Love can really suck sometimes...
And yes, I still Love her. Too much maybe.

[misombra]

okay... i don't really understand the details of what is going on... que paso?

[Lloyd95]

I don't think it necessarily has to do with sex. I think it's more about communication and not wanting arguments and confrontation. for example, if a girl starts to complain or "get all up in my grill" (for my home boys), I'd rather find out what the problem is, if it's not all that important, just give in to what she wants to avoid confrontation, hence she gets her way. Thereby giving her the sense of "control".

More plainly speaking, women are just evil. Period. See below:

[Chlorine]

Apache---"And yes, I still Love her. Too much maybe."

You probably love her more than she loves you. That's why she is in control.
YOU = 49%
SHE = 51%

[TAVS]

Um, I have not had that experience. I was actually 75% in control of my most recent 4-yr relationship. It kinda sucked truth be told. Well it wasn't that bad being in charge but it just creates problems in the long run. If/when we get back together, I'll definately have to bring that down to 50/50 but I highly doubt she'll ever have majority control.

[misombra]

I don't think it necessarily has to do with sex. I think it's more about communication and not wanting arguments and confrontation. for example, if a girl starts to complain or "get all up in my grill" (for my home boys), I'd rather find out what the problem is, if it's not all that important, just give in to what she wants to avoid confrontation, hence she gets her way. Thereby giving her the sense of "control".

More plainly speaking, women are just evil. Period. See below:

lol that's awesome.

[Lloyd95]

Misombra-its so the truth!

[misombra]

it is! i just sent that to all my girlfriends lol!!! i can't stop laughing!

[artyemi]

haha... very amusing lloyd.. my first laugh of the day.. haha

[RSK]

misombre - yeah, that whole thing was like, so yesterday's news girl, come on, get with the program....(RSK clicks fingers to the left, to the right, and then drags wrist downwards).......................uh uhhh......I KNOW you didn't girl............

........no she didn't.........did she.........uh uhhhhhhhhh...........

[misombra]

well it's todays news so me so you just better back the fu.ck up biaaaaaaaaaaaach.

::z snap::

[Aaron Blanc]

Why is it that it seems women are the ones in control when it comes to
a relationship? It does not start out that way...but almost always ends up like this. Their biggest weapon is sex...and it stops abruptly when they feel
the need for power over a man. I just don't get it.

I'd like to hear the ladies point of view...be honest. Do you or do you not
manipulate your man with sex?

And from the guys, do you feel as though your woman controls you with sex?

I'm at a point in my relationship where I am tired of the games. And yes, I feel as though I am being dumped here. Its like you talk, and make up only to find the next battle more difficult, with much greater demands.

In all actuality I can live without the sex if this is what she wants. But its the fact that she uses this almost like a knife to stab me with. And then there's the head games too. WHY?????

Maybe guys do this to women too, but I wouldn't know this since I am not like that at all. I have a bad habit of putting a woman on a pedastal, but lately I have found that all I want to do is to kick the pedastal out from under her.

Love can really suck sometimes...
And yes, I still Love her. Too much maybe.

Sex does not have to be used as a weapon. If this is the case, you have found yourself in an abusive relationship. As far as the issue of control goes, women and men can be as equally in control over a relationship. The mistake I think you have made is the following.

You might be in control over the relationship, but do not want the other person to feel that they have no control. Eventually, you let them play along that they in face have some control, until they actually take it seriously. At this point, it's not so much a matter of being abused as much as it is, being annoyed. I can only say that from this point and on, whenever you have sex again, let it be known that it's not for you. Make it clear that the games stop now!

If she asks you if "you" are feeling horny, say no. From now on, sex b/w the both of you will not start until "she" admits that "she" wants to. This will enforce the idea that "you" are no longer controled over sex. This is something that most women do, not for the purpose of controling you, as much as it is because they do not want to seem needy, or even horny, they veiw this as taboo. Every woman on this form will say that they are inface in need, and horny, but the issue is with their partner. She will never tell you that she is feeling horny, and her way of getting you to have sex, is convincing you that "you" want to have sex. That way, she doesn't feel that bad. Because now, she is having sex to please "you".

I think you're a smart enough guy to figure things out from this point. Just remember that unless "she" admits that she wants it, then no matter how badly you might, there will be no sex b/w the both of you. If you can, try to find a way of letting her know that this is why "you" "don't" want to have sex. In the long run, "no more than two months" she will snap. Don't forget, on average, women need sex just as much as men do. It is not fair to create this concept in your head that women try to control men through sex.

[RoxyFoxy]

I don't know where you pulled all that out of Aaron, but it doesn't sound quite right to me. I'm never really up for sex. I do want oral from time to time, but I can live without sex. Now, my boyfriend can't. And everytime he wants to have sex, what am I supposed to do? Tell him the truth? So obviously I have to act. It's for the good of both of us.

[artyemi]

No, you have to tell him the truth. It should be enjoyable for both of you. All the time.

[Ellynn]

I wouldn't say I use sex to control a relationship.....but if Im not in the mood Im not. There have been some times I have held out having sex (for the first time) to see if I even wanted to....or just to get to know the guy better. Guys may see this as "control" but honestly some of us girls don't like to be pressured. Some guys are ready all the time....and usually girls aren't. I must say having sex the first time I do like to have control over that. But after that....its all good. I would never just stop having sex while in a relationship as a weapon.....unless he did something stupid like cheat.

Then I wouldn't want to touch him with a ten foot pole becuz you never know who he was with.