Communication stopped, strange advice from friends

[amd1294]

Here's a quick rundown of my current situation:

I met a woman who had recently broken up. She showed strong interest in me. She was the one to move our friendship forward, and has told me that she likes me. We were starting to get close (but not yet in a relationship) when the full weight of her breakup hit her- now she's separated herself from me and hasn't communicated with me directly in over a week.

She's been talking with some of her friends to help her get through things, who have then communicated through one of my friends that none of this is my fault- she would have fallen into her current state regardless. I've been told to ignore her and that if she tries to contact me I should also ignore her and let them know. The woman in question has recently commented positively on one of my Facebook posts and liked another but has not yet contacted me directly.

To me this says that her friends, who don't even know me, are telling her to stay away from me. They want me to act against my own best interests and turn her in if she tries to meet up again. Is this a correct assessment?

I'm finding it impossible to move on- her and I share more interests than I thought possible. We were very comfortable around each other both emotionally and physically before this happened. Early on in the separation I saw her walking back from the dining center and she gave me a wave with a forlorn expression on her face, as if she was missing me. Recently her FB status was "misses certain people a lot".

Do I still have a chance? What should I do if she tries to contact me? Is completely ignoring her the right course of action at this time?

This is very important to me- I'm convinced she's "the one". I've never in my life met a woman like her.

Thank you.

[Sonrisa]

are you a bit creepy?

[amd1294]

Creepy? No, not at all. I have all the peculiarities of being an engineering major but so does she.

[MerryH]

It's weird that her friends are so involved in her personal life, going so far as telling you how to behave. That's way over the line. The only instance where that could be acceptable is if you're a dangerous/creepy guy. So you should probably think long and hard whether you were like that in any way, or if anything you did could be interpreted that way.

To me this says that her friends, who don't even know me, are telling her to stay away from me. They want me to act against my own best interests and turn her in if she tries to meet up again. Is this a correct assessment?

It was probably her own decision to distance herself from you. Then she might have told her friends that she misses you and wants to start things up again. Her friends know this would be a huge mistake so they try to convince her not to go through with it. They're asking you to act on her best interests. Yours are most likely irrelevant to them. And honestly, you really should leave her alone. She's not over her breakup. You would just be a rebound.

[amd1294]

She is highly involved in a local Christian group whose job IS to be highly involved in her personal life. She goes to them for support so I don't see that as being irregular. And honestly, I don't see myself as being a dangerous/creepy individual. I'm an Eagle Scout and I hold myself to a high moral standard. If I'm given labels they're usually along the lines of "fine young man". It's been hinted to me by my friend that he was turned down several times because he "wasn't close enough to God" yet and I'm thinking that this might be their motivation.

Why I'm so confused about all of this is that she specifically told me that I'm NOT a rebound, that I was much more to her.

[MerryH]

I'm not saying it's weird that she goes to her friends for help and support, I'm saying it's weird that they went to you (a stranger to them) and asked you to tell them if she contacts you. They overstepped their boundaries. You owe them nothing.

Why I'm so confused about all of this is that she specifically told me that I'm NOT a rebound, that I was much more to her.

People don't normally even realize what they're doing when they go for a rebound. But her friends and the rebound thing aside, do you think it can work out with a person who hasn't yet handled a breakup? She's not over it, so it would be impossible for her to start a relationship with the necessary clean slate. I know you really like her, but she's not currently girlfriend material.

[amd1294]

Thank you for your replies. I can't believe that I couldn't see just how much her friends were overstepping their bounds until now. If she tries to contact me then that is her own choice- her friends shouldn't be so deeply involved in our friendship.

You're probably right- she's just not ready right now. I'll continue to wait it out and see what happens.