Boyfriend's FEMALE Best Friend likes him. What should I do?

[KiwiBina]

Forwarning, this message is going to be a bit lengthy.

So I have known my boyfriend for 13 years, been best friends with him for 12 years, and we’ve been together for six years.
Two years ago he moved away and to a different school so we lost communication for a while; since we barely spoke to one another we broke up and just became friends.

The thing is; he had made two new best ‘female’ friends during the time we were still a couple but physically separated by distance and they hadn’t known about me at all.

His school moved into the same building as the school I graduated from. I visit my old school once in a while, so I ran into him at a Halloween party being held at the school. We started talking again and this one girl was following him everywhere like a lost puppy, constantly clinging to him; I thought it was his new girlfriend or something.

We started talking again and found that we both still cared about each other and so we started talking again and we got back together on my birthday.

Now we have been ‘back’ together for 7 months. I’m good friends with one of his female best friends, but the other female best friend doesn’t like me; sure she’s nice when my boyfriend’s there, but when he’s not watching, she’s constantly glaring at me, and behind my back she talks trash about me. Let’s name this girl ‘Donna’. This is the same girl that was at the Halloween party; the one clinging onto him like he was hers.

So I understand that she feels I was stealing her best friend from her at first since she didn’t know my bf and I had a long history, but it’s been over half a year, and you’d think by now that she’d back off and stop going after him. Plus, he has NEVER been hers, and she acts like I stole him from her!

I’ve told my boyfriend that Donna likes him and he doesn’t believe me; hell, everyone at my old school agrees that she’s WAY too close and clingy as ‘just a friend.’

I completely trust my boyfriend, but I don’t trust this Donna girl.

Whenever I leave his side, for even a second, she steals my spot and starts leaning all over him and pawing at him. I told my boyfriend I’m concerned about how clingy she is to him and he said that he’ll distance himself from her a little, but I haven’t seen any of this ‘distancing’. (he told me this 2 months ago)

Some friends, my boyfriend, and myself went to a party last week and Donna just wouldn’t stop pawing at my boyfriend. And whenever she touched him, she’d stare at me, like she was daring me to cause some drama over it and stop her right there. Whenever I was near my bf, she’d just be glaring at me constantly and watching us.

I’ve been so tempted to ask my boyfriend to stop being friends with her, but I’d feel awful if I forced him to stop being friends with someone; I don’t ever want him to feel like I’m trying to control him, but I’m so hurt and fed up with it. I’ve tried to overlook it and be patient, hoping she’d get the point he’s not hers and stop, but it seems she’s starting to get worse sometimes. After sitting there trying to wait patiently for my boyfriend to set down the boundaries, I’ve started breaking. I really can’t explain how much I’m hurt that he hasn’t even realized that it was hurting me and I’m just being quiet cause I thought he’d take care of it. 7 months and nadda.

So I spoke up about it again a week ago cause I couldn’t take it anymore, and again he said he’d set down boundaries, but still… no sign of these boundaries.

He thought I was asking him to stop being friends with her at first (I wish) but I told him I don’t want to control him and make him lose someone he calls friend; so I told him he needs to really set down some lines that his ‘friend’ shouldn’t be allowed to cross.

I’m so hurt about her constantly being all over him and him not doing anything or even noticing that she’s invading his space that I even told him I’d rather not see him at all than see a girl hanging all over him everytime I saw him. My aunt wants me to move to Paris with her, and I’m so tempted to take her offer… I would rather leave and be hurting alone than be with him and see that skank all over him and sit by with a fake smile on my face while on the inside I’m wanting to die. I don’t know what to do anymore… I’m so tired of putting up with that girl. But I don’t want to make him choose between his girlfriend or one of his best friends… please give me advice to what you think would be best.

[Note: I've recently told my boyfriend how much it hurts me and that I'm fed up with it...]

[girl68]

You've been far to timid as far as I'm concerned. If she wants drama, I'll give her drama. If I were you. Tell your guy to do something screw his empty words. If he doesn't tell him there's something good for you in Paris.

[KiwiBina]

I dislike causing drama... and I don't want to strain our relationship..
I've considered confronting the girl about it, but knowing her, she'd just start whining and complaining to my boyfriend that I'm being mean to her or something pathetic like that.
I have also considered beating the hell out of her ass, but she's his friend so I can't exactly hurt her or be mean without possibly hurting my boyfriend as well =\

[xxazurexx]

I'm sorry, but some guy who couldn't respect my wishes and despite knowing how I felt, would be shown the 'backdoor'.

I don't blame the girl, I blame your bf and because he's allowing her to invade his space and fawn all over him.

[girl68]

You know what you've being a little pussy. I'm sorry. A girl is standing by trying to steal you're guy and he doesn't care and you still just stand around whining. DO SOMETHING. Tell him it needs to stop OR... (you will) I also think you should stand up to her, you can do so nicely the first time and if it continues get nasty the second time.

the talk could go something like this: "hey Donna, can I have a word with you please? I've noticed you really like to touch John a lot so much so that it it's starting to seem like you're really into him and are attempting to steal him and or make me very jealous. I don't blame you for liking him he's a great guy but I would like to ask that you just take a step back and respect the fact that I am his girlfriend."

[xxazurexx]

^^Girl is right, you are being way too soft with him.

In regards to Donna, I wouldn't even bother to say anything to her, for to do that is to acknowledge this little tarts existence.

It would be HIM, I'd be laying the law down with and he'd get an ultimatum, me or her, take your pick!

[KiwiBina]

I haven't seen him or her since the last talk I had with my boyfriend.
I'll be going to the school tomorrow and I do plan to speak to him again about it if nothing's changed.
And I actually have warned my boyfriend that if it doesn't stop, someone's going to get hurt. =\
At that last party I almost started a cat fight...
I really don't want to confront the girl... I believe it can be fixed if my boyfriend just steps up to the plate.
If he doesn't soon, then I will. And it won't be pretty.

The only reason I'm trying to be gentle with it is because our relationship's in a fragile
state at the moment already and I don't want to make anything worse off than it is.
But you're right, I am being a pussy about it. I am usually very patient and give one or two chances before I make all hell break loose.
When I cause drama, all shit hits the ceiling, which is why i really hate starting drama and fights. I tend to completely screw someone over.
Tomorrow's going to decipher what happens next; if she's still all over him and he doesn't stop her, then I'll step up and take it into my own hands.
If it's better and there isn't anything that pisses me off, then I'll stop pestering my boyfriend about this matter.
If it starts again; I really won't hesitate to let all shit break loose.

[KiwiBina]

Azure: That's exactly why I don't want to confront Donna about it.. because then I'd just be acknowledging it to her that it's effecting me. Which of course, will encourage her to continue with her actions. =\

[Gigabitch]

The fact that you're together shows me that he blurs the line between "friends" and girlfriends. Make this Donna person go away or dump him.

[KiwiBina]

Do you really think it'll come down to making him choose between me and her?
I'm trying my best to avoid any ultimatums...

[xxazurexx]

^^LOL, ya know, the last thing you should ever do is to resort to physical blows and over a man.

I know it's tempting and to just let rip and poke her eyes out, I'd be feeling like I wanted to do the same. But what you should do instead, is to take the moral highground, totally ignore her and because she would probably just love it and if you threatened her or attacked her - that is likely what she will be awaiting you doing. She can then run to your guy all teary eyed, suddenly she is the 'victim' in all of this, he feels sorry for her and you end up looking like the 'psycho bitch'...

She aint worth it...

Have the talk with him and mean what you say.

[KiwiBina]

Oh I meant all shit's going to break loose as in I'll totally destroy her social life and screw with her mind. >.> I go overboard haha.
I never get physical unless they start it first. I do mental battles.
And it would be easy to destroy her social life, considering the other female best friend of my boyfriend (also the best friend of Donna) is starting
to become one of my best friends too and has been talking to me more than her lately; and all of Donna's other friends love me more than her because
I actually acknowledge them as friends and treat them right. All Donna does is fawn all over my man. Did I mention he's the ONLY guy she ever hugs? She doesn't even hug her dad. -_-

[xxazurexx]

Azure: That's exactly why I don't want to confront Donna about it.. because then I'd just be acknowledging it to her that it's effecting me. Which of course, will encourage her to continue with her actions. =\

EXACTLY and spot on!!

Some females are like that.

[KiwiBina]

Yeah... I'm very observant of people... for a second I thought I was just over reacting, but all my friends noticed it too.
Hell, my friend's little sister (who is only 5!) noticed it too! O_o which shows just how obvious Donna is being with liking my boyfriend.
So having known Donna for about 7 months and observing her behavior, yes... she would just be happy if I confronted her about it,
cause then she'll think "Oh so it's bugging her. I'll do it more until she gets fed up and dumps her boyfriend so I can take him."

[xxazurexx]

Oh I meant all shit's going to break loose as in I'll totally destroy her social life and screw with her mind. >.> I go overboard haha.
I never get physical unless they start it first. I do mental battles.
And it would be easy to destroy her social life, considering the other female best friend of my boyfriend (also the best friend of Donna) is starting
to become one of my best friends too and has been talking to me more than her lately; and all of Donna's other friends love me more than her because
I actually acknowledge them as friends and treat them right. All Donna does is fawn all over my man. Did I mention he's the ONLY guy she ever hugs? She doesn't even hug her dad. -_-

Tell you what I would do. I would play her at her own game.

If you and he are together and she is around, don't give her chance to get near him - YOU be the one to fawn and hang onto him instead. He is YOUR boyfriend after all and she may not come near and if you are latched onto him.
Laugh and smile when you are with him, look in her direction with a huge smug grin on your face, then give her a 5 second glare that says..'HE'S MINE BITCH'......

That can get the message across and without being verbal or physical toward her.