I've always suffered self esteem issues so took me 7mths to actually meet up with a guy had been messaging/ chatting to all that time. I was scared. I've now been in touch with him a year, we have contact on a daily basis and i know he cares for me but he admitted to me he had feelings for an ex that won't go away. He's said he has no intention of being with her as he wasn't good enough before and she's not interested anyway, though he hasn't told her how he feels. Basically they were together from school and she got back in touch in March saying they were good friends. She has a kid from someone else. It rips me up inside cos have seen pictures of her and she's slimmer, tanned and prettier than i feel i am so i can't compare :'(
He's said if i'd met more and spent more time together his feelings could have developed more. That had been the plan but then he sprung this on me and it's knocked my esteem back further. I sooo want to spend time with him. We get on well and know if she'd never been involved we could've been great.
It hurts so much and we've tried stopping contact but can't. We're there for each other when tough times and we support each other. If i knew he felt nothing for me i'd know to walk but he does. I try to not think about her to go see him but it gets in my head n i feel crap and even if we did get together properly i'd always wonder if he'd prefer it to be her or if he was thinking of her. He's a lovely guy and he's sorry for way he feels just can't help it like i can't help loving him. He won't delete contact with her though which shows she means more.
I just can't be without him in my life cos it hurts yet it hurts this way too. We've gone over n over things looking for solution and have gotten nowhere.
Any advice?