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Thread: Should I ask a girl if..

  1. #16
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
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    Quote Originally Posted by richiro View Post
    you are in the friend zone. you have always been in the friend zone. and this is a classic case of 1 person is totally into the other person, but the other person doesn't feel it back. And as yo uknow, relatinosihps don't take 1 - it requires 2.
    Sure you can ask her just for the hell of it and get an "official answer" but you already know the answer and really don't need to ask - its why you're too scared to ask. If you're too scared to ask - you know the answer.

    In the future... dont' idolize women like they're statues and queens. This makes you "too easy" - nobody appreciates anything that comes too easy. They take granted things that are too easy. (Like you don't appreciate a good shower the way a homeless person would... right?)
    Don't fall too fast for anybody. Realize that you really don't LOVE somebody when yoo'uve never dated them.. you LUST after them. And what you're LUSTING is your FANTASY of them and what you "imagine her to be" - which may not be anything that she is in reality.

    yes i get it. you "talk a lot" so you think you know her.. YOU DON'T. Until you date and see her behind closed doors the good and bad - you don't know jack squat. Yo'ure just making it up in your head (just as everybody else is until they get to know somebody over time and behind closed doors).

    Move on. let her go. Live as if it will neve chnage and keep an open mind of other people you meet insstead of having tunnel vision for only 1 person ever.

    good luck.
    I'm not scared that she will tell me that she is not intrested being my friend anymore or something like that.. I dont care anymore
    I just want to hear it from her and if thats really the case I'll just move on.
    now,I want to send her a message about it but I'm not sure how to start the conversation.. can you help me please so it wont look akward?

  2. #17
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    just say what comes to mind.. HOW you ask won't matter.. just that you ask.

    ask yourself.. what is it that you really want to know?
    what is it that you need to hear from her?
    then ask that.

    nobody can help you with that becuase you're the only one that knows what that truly is.

  3. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by richiro View Post
    Don't fall too fast for anybody. Realize that you really don't LOVE somebody when yoo'uve never dated them.. you LUST after them. And what you're LUSTING is your FANTASY of them and what you "imagine her to be" - which may not be anything that she is in reality.

    yes i get it. you "talk a lot" so you think you know her.. YOU DON'T. Until you date and see her behind closed doors the good and bad - you don't know jack squat. Yo'ure just making it up in your head (just as everybody else is until they get to know somebody over time and behind closed doors).
    I couldn't agree with this more. I, myself, have always been (or, I guess more accurately I always HAD been) a big romantic. So, when I crush, I crush hard. But, I learned that about myself and learned how better to deal with it. You can't help who you fall for, or exactly how hard you fall. So, to some degree you can't help those feelings like somebody is so amazing and perfect and everything you want. All that kind of stuff. If you are susceptible to that kind of thing it is unlikely you'll change that about yourself. So, to some degree it is okay to have those feelings..... as long as you learn also to engage your intellectual side. To acknowledge and realize that you can't really be in love with somebody until you know them well enough.... and you can't really know them well enough until you've actually dated a while. To engage your intellectual side enough to realize it is okay to think the person COULD be everything you want in a partner.... but to acknowledge and realize that it is entirely possible that you are just getting enthralled with the IDEA of who they MAY be and not necessarily with the idea of who they ARE because you don't yet know that.

    I'm not going to lie and say it is easy, but it can be done. That helps you to somewhat better handle the situation. Even when, internally you may be dancing a jig and thinking "THIS GIRL IS SO AMAZING!!!" on the outside, you treat her just like any other woman you'd want to date. If it turns out you hit it off, she truly IS everything you want and more.... and she feels the same about you.... then you can start to let that romantic side out a little more and start to feel like you really may have found the real thing. But, take it from a guy who knows.... if you don't get a handle on that truth about yourself, you'll fall into the trap of constantly getting TOO attached to people when you don't yet know them well enough and it will lead to hurt way too often.

    Again, it's not easy, but it may well be necessary. Good luck to you. I hope you two can remain friends, but if she can't see fit to do that, then you owe it to yourself to just move on. You don't deserve to have to be hurt by her again and again whether or not that is deliberate on her part. I hope sometime soon you find somebody with whom you can truly have that special connection.

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