Help!

[Craigus15]

Hello everyone,
I need some advice, its a sticky situation to say the least.
So starting from the beginning... I'm 26, single with 2 children.
My colleague (boss) at work, is a 33 year old married woman, with a child.
She was recently signed off work for 6 weeks with depression, for which I spent alot of time "making sure she was OK".
She has now returned to work, on medication but opened up to me a few weeks back and told me the reason behind her depression was because for the past 2 years she has had strong feelings for me of which she has been trying to get rid of, unsuccessfully. To which I responded in saying I also had feelings for her, which I do.
We've always from day 1 of working together got on "too" well, but it seems we've got to know each other and just suit perfectly it would seem.
What am I supposed to do?
NOTHING has happened between us, but I get this weird feeling whenever I see her, we sit in the same office so daily.
She has opened up, and said that she wishes to remain married to her husband and stay with their child, which I respect totally and have also said it could never happen due to our (her) circumstances.
But I can't help but feel like I need to do something to get this obsessive, heart pumping, feeling out of me and get over it in the hope I find someone else that I feel like this for and for her sake, although 2 years of trying herself doesn't seem to have done the trick for her?
What am I supposed to do?! I have considered leaving my job but that would be a last resort as I really enjoy working there.
Any advice is appreciated!
Cheers.

[Archie]

Quitting your job is not a last resort, just don't quit.
As for how to deal with the situation, try to distance yourself from her, if possible avoid contact and if this doesn't do the trick, burn the bridge. She has a husband, which she obviously isn't going to divorce for you, so there's no point to the feelings you have, for she'll never answer the call.

I suggest you find someone reliable to replace her in your mind.
No one said it's going to be easy.

[TheEvilJester]

I don't know if I'd agree that quitting shouldn't at least be an option. I do think, if all else fails, that may have to be a last resort..... but I do think it should be an absolute Plan Z sort of thing. Like, all else fails, you see no other way out of it sort of thing.

For now, is there any way to be able to change the reporting situation? By that, I mean can you move to a different department or something so she isn't your direct boss? I definitely agree with Archie's advice that you two need to distance yourselves from each other for your own good..... but how exactly are you supposed to do that if she's your boss?

So, if you CAN change that situation without having to leave your job, that would be my first recommendation. I wish there was an easy answer, but really time and distance are all that will help you to both move on. And, frankly, sometimes it DOES take both. Because, apparently she's had two years of trying to get over it and that hasn't worked... but I'm sure that is largely in part because you two still saw each other every day. That can make it much harder to move on.

She's married. Has kids no less. If she's unhappy in her marriage, that is her decision to make. She shouldn't be deciding that based on you. So, best to leave her alone. If she happens to end her marriage of her own decision, then it may be something worth revisiting if you still think there could be something there.... but again, you shouldn't be actively involved in any way in that decision. It sounds, though, like she's already said she has no intention of leaving her husband. So, nothing for you to do but move on. Otherwise you are just complicating things for both of you. She really needs to deal with her marriage and decide if it is a relationship she wishes to keep. I'd ponder why she'd fall so deeply for somebody else unless it was because she in unhappy in her marriage, whether she even realizes it or not. ....But, those are her questions to ponder, her problem to solve. Not yours. You just need to worry about doing what is right for you, and being stuck longing for somebody who isn't available isn't good for you.

Good luck.

[BrandonCodi]

What a complex situation to be in brother.

While it is a problem for you, it is not nearly as big of a problem as it is for her. She's in love with you and she has a husband. You shouldn't leave your job if you like it. So few people enjoy their jobs/careers these days that you'd regret it if you did so. If anything she should look for a place to relocate so she doesn't end up destroying her family. You're a bit older than myself so I can't offer as much input as TheEvilJester, but in that situation I honestly would probably just go for it.

I wouldn't want to stay with her because if she divorced her husband for another man, she would probably do something similar to that for yourself, but who knows. Maybe she never would. Maybe it's just me looking to the fun side of it. What have you got to lose by going for it? Your job? Okay that's a lot to lose, but other than that it sounds like you have a problem that takes some serious creative thinking to fix. Try posting this question in several forums to get a wide array of suggestions. That's probably the best advice I can give you from where I stand.

Cheers, brother.