Ex - now "just friends". Still wants me but not a relationship. I want both...Help?

[lovemenot]

So long story short: I met a guy, we fell crazy in love, even though we both were in long term relationships with other partners. After two weeks of dating we both left our long term relationships so we could openly and truly be together. We were actually both thinking of leaving our partners even before we met, so it wasn't entirely just for each other.

After a month of dating, he decided it's not really working and left me. We had some fights during that time and we both also started new studies (together), he also had to move, so he had a lot on his plate then and also he said it was really painful for him to hurt his ex like that (she found out he was cheating) even though he said he didn't love her anymore and maybe never had, but he blamed himself for causing her so much pain... And he just couldn't handle it all and broke up with me...

We stayed friends though.
And really good friends.
It's been two months since we broke up and we still see each other everyday (we study together). After class we both go to the library and study there for the rest of the day every day. We even go there on Saturdays and spend the whole day together studying. After that we sometimes go for a few beers at a pub. Or go for walks and talk and laugh a lot.. We also go to pub game nights every wednesday and we hang out a lot just the two of us and we always always have a great time together. Everybody around us always think that we are a couple.

He says he really likes to spend time with me and that I am great and that everyday he want's to come home with me and just cuddle and that he feels very strong passion towards me and is attracted to me and that he doesn't want to hurt me but he doesn't want a relationship right now. He says it's not the right time now, he needs to focus on studying and take care of his inner problems and his life and it's just better right now to just stay friends "and we'll see what happens in the future" - his exact quote.

We also slept together couple days ago. And that of course caused me thinking..
I would like to be in a relationship with him, because I still have strong feelings for him. And for the past two months I just kept hanging out with him but constantly wishing for more and hoping that one day we will be together again.

If he likes me that much, maybe it's really just not the right time for him and I am ok with waiting till he feels ready for a new relationship.. but maybe it's just hopeless to wait for him like that...
Maybe he's just using me, because it's convenient right now (it's way more fun to sit at the library all day with somebody than alone)..so maybe I should stop hanging out with him so much and just move on..
But the problem is I really don't want to let him go and even the slightest possibility of us being together again seems worth all of this..

Any advice on the situation? Please?

[Hooo!]

There isn't a right time for love
There isn't a right time for relationships either

You want to take your chance at it
So should he.
If he doesn't then you can either walk away or fight for him

Waiting is not a good option imho. Waiting has no limit. And the longer it takes the more it hurts. The more it hurts the more people tend to cling on. This path can lead to success as well as endless misery

[lovemenot]

it's very true what you are saying about waiting and how it hurts..

but I understand that he needs time to figure out what he wants. He has some much deeper serious issues and I don't want to push him, since that can only make him pull away I think.

And I honestly just want him to solve all his problems and to be truly happy and I am trying to help him in every way I possibly can. I think I even want him to be happy more than I want to be with him, cos I realize I might never be a part of his happiness, but I will deal with that if it comes to it.

So if he just needs a good friend right now, I am trying to be that for him..
Even though sometimes it hurts a lot, but for now just a thought that I might succeed seems worth to risk ending in endless misery...

[Hooo!]

Well as long as this is the best decision you can take it's a good decisiOn
Be careful however to pay attention to yourself.
You will also need a time of happiness for you. And I made the experience that it may be more difficult to leave if you hold on tight.

Just don't reserve yourself for him.
Be there AND take your chances at happiness as they come

Good luck

[pcmaster]

Actually unussual topic name for a girl. Would expect guy to be stuck in friendzone like it ussualy happens.
Maybe girls dont ussualy make these topics cause they move on more easy from friendzone and dont take it so painfuly.

[lovemenot]

that's what I was wondering actually. do guys also put girls in friendzone?

But I don't even think it's that. when I put some guy in friendzone, that's mostly because I am not attracted to him at all.
but this guy is attracted to me a lot.
He said that himself and we slept together already (while being friends). and made out again on Friday. I guess he wants kind of a "friends with benefits" sort of situation...

But we always have the best time and the sex is amazing and we get along really well.
So what are the main reasons a guy wouldn't want a real relationship? And is there some way I can influence him into wanting it? DD

[pcmaster]

Maybe you are crazy, thats why he dont want relationship?
Just kidding. Really perhaps you should ask him.

[lovemenot]

yeah I get that was a stupid question

we talked about it several times already and he explained everything, that for now he just wants to concentrate on studying and solving his own issues, cuz he wants to take care of himself first so that once in a relationship he can concentrate on the other person and take care of them. and he said "and we'll see what happens in the future"...
but it just seems like we're going round and round in circles. "just friends" strictly studying and then can't keep our hands off of each other and then we both agree it's bad and we shouldn't do it and we're "friends" again and then making out again..
it's starting to drive me insane. I'll talk to him tomorrow.

i'll stop bothering you all with this story now. thank you for your insights

[Hooo!]

Could be loads. Could be you are hot but dumb as bread
Could be you are a nice **** toy but too annoying or crazy
Could be he is really into you on all levels
Could be he is just not looking for a fix exclusive relationship
Could be he has adored you for the last 25 years and doesn't want to damage what you have

Just go find it out

[lovemenot]

thank's for the encouragement [MENTION=85121]Hooo![/MENTION]