Feeling the pain of rejection

[IAmBroken123]

Hi

I'm a late thirties female who has never been lucky in love. Even though I'm attractive and have lots of great qualities, and the guys I date even tell me how they are into me, they always end up breaking up with me for no good reason. I'm always heartbroken. I think I may have had only one real relationship which lasted only 3 months, but it was predicated on lies because he lied to me about wanting children. I want children, and I told him that, and he pretended that he wanted children, but at the three month point revealed that he didn't.

The latest breakup is hitting me hard. I was very attracted to him physically, which is rare for me to find, and in addition he treated me well and claimed to want a long term relationship with me. Then we had one small misunderstanding and he abandoned the entire relationship. We dated for one month but it was a month of bliss. I can't help thinking that maybe some other former girlfriend came into his life and he chose her over me. I've had that happen to me before. So I'm devastated.

I've had my heart broken so many times in my life, but this one feels the worst. And it feels different. It's different because now I've lost all my desire to meet a new man. I feel like I'll never love again because I felt so strongly towards him. I also have lost all my trust in men. I feel I have no control over the outcome so I've given up. Each time, I find someone I like, I invest in him, but then he always deceived me or ends the relationship. I feel like I have no control and no power to affect my relationships. I am always at the whim of fickle men. So I'm done with trying. I deleted all my online profiles. Usually in the past I would grieve for three days then jump right back in and try to find a date. This time I'm not. I'm too scared to get my heart broken. I don't trust any man whatsoever. They all hurt me. It's like I'm cursed.

So now I feel so lonely and broken. I can barely function. I took the day off work and I don't want to go to work the rest of the week. On the one hand I want to avoid work, but on the other hand I'm afraid of the weekend, because I will sit home alone all day mourning my loss and crying over the state of my life. I'm in agony. I fear the weekend even though work is a struggle for me. Please help. Any ideas how to endure this? Any ideas with how to alleviate the pain? I'm already taking two extra strength tylenols every four hours even though it's bad for my liver, and even though it's not really working that much. I don't want to become too much of a burden on my friends. Please help. Any strategies? I'm in agony. I truly feel like I'll never love again because other than his bad traits, he deduced me so well that I can't imagine liking anyone else!

[Markdg61]

I just read your story and I am very sorry that you are feeling so down on yourself. One thing that stood out about your story is that you deleted all your online dating profiles. I say bravo! Online dating may work for some, but for most they are full of liars and scammers. The next thing that stood out is that you do not want to burden your friends and family with your troubles. Your friends and family are the ones that care about you the most. Don't be afraid to lean on them for support. I'm sure you will find a plethora of support because they are the ones that truly care about you, not these online dating idiots. Don't be so hard on yourself because you let your guard down. Some of us fall victim to vulnerability, myself included. Take time to think and do the things that you enjoy. Look to the future and think about what makes you happy. Things have a way of falling into place, don't rush and one day you will find the man that will stand beside you for the rest of your lives.

[Hooo!]

Let us assume that not every woman has the problem you repeatedly have.

Obviously the same results are happening repeatedly to you

All I read about is how THEY do things to you.
I wonder what YOU do to make them happen.


If you want we can wonder together and try find and change it?

[omgtotallyxo]

What you are experiencing is felt by people all over the world, men and women! It is hard to not feel hopeless. Some people are luckier than others in finding love. Some people never finds it. It is just how it is. don't live your life for another person and don't STOP living life to the fullest when there isn't a significant other. There is much more to life than romance. Love and romance is amazing if you find it but it's not essential to life. And partners can come and go, even in a relationship of some permanence. People can get married and then get divorced. You can't completely control another person. If they come, then enjoy the experience but don't stop living without that special someone. I hope you will find peace and happiness someday within yourself.

[thebrokenpiece]

how can i post in this forum

[Justyaaveragurl]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I can deeply feel your pain. I have been where you are for a lot of years so I can truly relate to the hopelessness and despair you are feeling right now. Here's the thing. We, Americans, and many others have passionately bought into the idea that the only way we can experience real happiness is by finding the right relationship with another person. In others words we think we can only be made complete by another person. That is such a devastating misconception that has robbed so many people of countless wasted years of their life. Like the other poster says, life is so much more than a relationship and you most assuredly do not need to be in one to feel deeply loved, wanted, important, needed and fulfilled. This was a very very hard lesson that I had to learn. Hopefully you will too and you will see what it means to truly live happy from within not basing your happiness on things from without. It's a truly rare gift to have but definitely attainable if we are willing to really look for it. I want to add that I don't say this to imply that we don't need people in our life. Nor that relationships are bad and we should strive live life as hermits. Relationships have their place in our life, but they definitely were never created to make us happy. I would love to hear more from you and I hope you are doing okay.

[pcmaster]

OP if you see this and still can barely cope then I can suggest meds.

[lovemenot]

I totally understand how you are feeling at the moment. Actually reading your story seemed like reading my own story. Also was left by a guy after a very short but amazing 6 week period. And it really really hit me hard. But as the months go by it is getting easier.

So first of all know that you are not alone.

Secondly know that time will heal everything. And it will be ok in the end. I totally understand that feeling of rejection, hopelessness and not being good enough. But the best thing you can do is focus on yourself. I know it's very very difficult to do when all you feel like doing is crying all day in bed. But just somehow manage to pull yourself together and take at least little steps. Try going for a walk or a bike ride or join a yoga class or some other form of physical activity. That really really helps a lot. I actually think that physical activity is the most underrated antidepressant. It really works wonders. And spend some time with friends. I get not wanting to be a burden to them - I feel the exact same thing. But trust me if they are real friends, they will understand you and help you.

And also take care of yourself. Eat well and sleep well. Although it might seem impossible atm and you might not want to sleep or eat at all, but at least try in little steps to reach these goals.

Best of luck to you! And let us know how you are by now?

[GLYC]

OP, you'll find love.
[MENTION=85752]Justyaaveragurl[/MENTION] good post, I agree with the importance of being able to be content and happy being single. Being in that state allows you to bring the healthiest and best relationships and people into your life, likewise, it gives you the power to avoid and reject the bad ones.

I can relate, ive had a lot of short term flings that unfortunately didn't work out. A good deal of my younger ones I blame on myself for poor dating skills.
However. Even today, i consider myself at my personal current best (there's always room for self improvement)
Im living my purpose, have a great dating mentality, good emotional health and am at my best physical health. Yet at times I still "lose"

There's so many factors with dating, big ones include timing, other people in their lives (ex's, other people they're dating), and more, that i feel at times you can do all the right things, yet you'll still fall short.

I met a really awesome woman a few months ago, i tried to hold no expectations of things, but I started thinking to myself the whole "Wouldn't it be great if.."
Anyways, things didnt work out and Attachments create suffering.

I agree with [MENTION=78360]lovemenot[/MENTION] physical activity is great. And women really help recover from talking through their problems with others,,course, pick people you trust to share it with. I don't suggest using medications or alcohol/substances. With women, it can help bouncing to a new guy as well.

[JamesPaz]

Hi,

Loving someone is a gift given to us, but you also have to love yourself. Love produces joy and happiness into our lives. If you don't feel being loved anymore, do not push yourself but instead, claim your freedom! Freedom to be happy, love and be loved in return. Do not be a prisoner in the jail of pain and sorrow. The door is not locked, You can always get out. Be free and live the life that you want and you deserve.